People who refuse to slow down in life

My 80 year old sister has just wheelbarrowed literally a ton of logs from her drive and stacked them in her garage. I am nothing like her!

I'm 77 and still teaching and counselling. I feel my life experience and resulting 'wisdom' have made me so much better at both these jobs. I refuse to listen when people tell me what I 'should' be doing at my age. No thanks to a life of bridge, coffee mornings and cruises, you only get one life and it's way to short.

fancythat

I dont want to say too much.
She has high BP.
Has already had one major health event because of it.
Has been warned she is in imminent danger of a second. If it hasnt happened already. They are doing ongoing tests.

Her bp was being monitored at home.
If she does something, it goes too high.
If she sits, it calms right down.

Friends are encouraging her to rest.
Not sure she will take notice or not.

We are now trying to come up with ways she can sit/rest, for the time being at least, and still enjoy herself.

My aunt was one of those who chose not to slow down, even although she knew she had a dicey heart valve.

My father, her BIL not her brother, but a doctor, asked her if she realised she might be running the risk of shortening her life.

She replied that none of us live for ever, and that she personally had no desire to spend the last months or years of her life in a nursing home, but would rather die in her tracks.

This is, I think, a reasonable point of view, and most if not all of us will be faced with considering how we want to end our lives, sooner or later.

Try not to let your friend's decision worry you, even although you seem to have made the opposite choice. Her life - her death- her choice.

Well, we are all different so it’s hard to comment. However, I think it’s a great shame if we think it’s a waste of time just sitting and doing nothing. Everyone regardless of age might benefit from some quiet time, balanced against continuous doing.

I seem to have spent my whole life chasing my tail! Ie: caring for and running around after my family and home in the domestic sphere (I was chief gardener/decorator), helping my husband with his business, travelling the length and breadth of the country to visit family who didn’t visit me, volunteering at my local church which was time consuming as I ran so many groups. Oh and I worked full time in a busy accounting job too ! Now I am retired, I still have interests and volunteer at a local food bank but my time is my own really. My husband is long divorced and my children have their own busy lives. I am lucky that I see the latter regularly and babysit/dogsit very often, but I don’t find that at all tiring and it brings me great joy. But I largely do what I want to do at my own pace. At busy times I am perfectly capable of speeding up but I often simply don’t want to and enjoy my retirement in a relaxed and mindful way.

It's nice that you care so much for your friend but would she be happier living a bit longer unable to do the things she wants to?

My MiL spent half her life taking tablets and going to the doctors and was perpetually worrying about dying. In many ways it ruined the latter half of her life when she refused to go places and do things, even when we arranged things so it would be minimal effort for her. I never understood her need to spend her life worrying about dying.

My theory is I will do what I can but ask for help if I can't. I am happy to keep going as long as I can..

Maybe it's not so much worrying about dying as fearing enforced disability and reliance on others?

MissAdventure

My neighbour is like this.
I hear her practically running past, puffing and groaning.

Straight upstairs she goes, then 5 minutes later she is puffing and groaning, coming back downstairs to go back down the town to do the next thing she "must do".

When she knocks, she is sometimes sweating and grey and thirsty, because her diabetes is so poorly controlled.

It's as if she cannot stop.

Hyperthyroidism?

Well, the universe conspires to make me slow down. I’m up and out with my dogs then enjoy the garden, domestic stuff and meeting friends for jollies

Or rather I was, until I was rushing about to get the dogs out early so I could drive 15 miles by 9 am to meet a friend who was in the middle of life changing things (health related). I’d started antibiotics for an infection so not on top form. Tripped over a trailing dog lead and broke my shoulder, yes it hurt a lot. Luckily no surgery needed but a sling for about 12 weeks then 12 months recovery tho it may never be back to pre fracture health
I’m right handed, yes it’s the right arm in a sling. It’s painful, tiring and restrictive, I’m pretty much confined to barracks. My big daft young lab has to be boarded - he’s happy with our trainer/boarder friend, the spaniel is enjoying a quiet life as an only dog.
Enforced slowing down isn’t ideal but I’m trying to accept it and will try not to do three things at once when I’m out of the sling

My gran kept going into her 90’s she felt she had no option as she had to look after my aunt who suffered a brain injury when she was just 5 years old. I stayed with from about 13 after my parents passed away and helped her with the housework and even after I left home when I got married I still visited several times a week it wasn’t unusual to find her climbing step ladders to wipe down her walls etc. she finally passed away at 92, that was 30+ years ago and I still miss her everyday, but I find it difficult to slow down myself, must have more of her spirit than I thought

Live and let live what does she say about you😄😄

I don’t believe many of us are sitting, drooping in a corner.

Sometimes it’s nice to do not very much at all.

I personally, don’t have a lot of energy because I don’t sleep well. I would love to be able to dash here and there.
I do what I can that doesn’t necessarily exhaust me.

I definitely do not sit about all day long.
If at home, I catch up on housework etc.

Each to their own.

I used to be very active in the community, but in the past 10 years ill-health has left me fatigued and in chronic pain, so I’ve had no choice about slowing down.

There are things that I’d love to help with, but I can’t, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak! Time to step back and let others take up the slack.

Very thought provoking !
I hit 73 last week and I find that I am slowing down quite a bit. I feel I need to spend more time ensuring I stay healthy.

Sometimes it gets to midday and I realise I haven't taken my medication, but I have spent ages making sure my dog is ok. (He's poorly at the moment) I feel like I felt when my husband left me with 2 children under 2. only I am a lot older and not as well as I was then.

A friend of mine lives a frenetic life because she doesn't want to admit she is getting older. As someone said here, each to their own. Going downhill can be an uphill struggle and we all manage it the way that is best for us.

I have no intention of slowing down, life is too short. I have many hobbies and interests volunteer, sit on local committees, sing and learn new skills. At 68 I feel fitter than I did 15 years ago. I couldn't bear to sit on the sofa every day like some of my friends. Each to their own

Honestly, why would anyone expect anyone else to slow down? It's the kiss of death!! Why not accept that's what your friend likes? It might be what's keeping her going!

No, it's just the way she is, Blinko.

You don't have to understand it. Just let them get on with it and don't worry about it.

Going downhill can be an uphill struggle and we all manage it the way that is best for us.

Very true. It's different for everyone. Different reasons, different ages. For some slowing down is a relief. For some it's anathema. For some it's not choice but necessity.

My friend describes her DM as a gadabout - she means her 94 year old mother won't stay in her chair resting as my friend wants her to. As far as I know her mother hasn't left the house/garden since Christmas.

I’ve always been active and done things my friends wouldn't consider but since around. my last big birthday I’ve changed and feel quite tearful about it at times. I can’t keep up when I go out with my grandchildren for example, cannot shop all day my back aches after an hour or so, been known to drop off to sleep in the middle of a tv programme, the worst thing is the long walks I’ve done with friends literally means I can do nothing for 2 days after and I feel shattered and sometimes I don’t go for that reason. I’m being left behind by my younger friends and I didn’t see it coming.

Although retired from full time work I still do casual work invigilating in exams at the school I used to work in. Today when I arrived for the afternoon exam one of my colleagues asked"Do you mind if I ask a personal question? How old are you?" I told her I was 69 and she seemed surprised. There had presumably been some speculating amongst colleagues and it seems I'm the oldest of our team. I believe that being busy and reasonably active keeps us young but we do need to know when to take it easy too. I've worked part time for the last fortnight as well as doing most of the social stuff I normally do except where there were clashes, but I've fallen asleep in front of the TV most evenings so I know I need to slow down again. My last shift is Monday morning then back to the normal routine until May when the Summer exam series starts.
I read an article about communities that have the greatest longevity and factors they have in common include 'Having a reason to wake up every morning is worth up to seven years of extra life expectancy' and 'Social networks of long-lived people support healthy behaviours' amongst other things.
It is a matter of balance. Being busy and keeping involved with our social networks means we have something to get up for every day and is good for us, but we must know when to take a break.

undines

Honestly, why would anyone expect anyone else to slow down? It's the kiss of death!! Why not accept that's what your friend likes? It might be what's keeping her going!

It is likely the kiss of death the other way.
And quite soon.

Or at least more major long term health problems.

I appreciate all the replies. Thank you.