How sociable are you?

I love Probus and spend a lot of time going to their various activities. Just spent 3 nights in the city with a group of 20. Lots of fun and laughter and because we are all over 70, not too many late nights!

I find that now that I’m older I don’t really crave home parties, and going out as much. Part of it is that I’m still working. I’m exhausted by the end of the day. In the winter I’m in my jammies by 8 pm. When I get home I just want to make dinner for my husband and I, change from my work clothes, and relax on the sofa. 🛋️ I go visit my elderly parents often and I have only one child, a son who visits me often. I spend any free time working on my acrylic paintings and in the summer we travel.

Thats a tough one knspol. Im my experience you have to be both determined and resililient to take part in this " joining things "lark.

Stick at it and eventually you may find a little opening. thats just right for you.

Try the National Women's Register, and the U3A, knspol? The NWR was set up to help women to get to know new people when they moved areas with their husbands' jobs. That is outdated now, but it is still mainly for getting to know new people, and is very welcoming.

The U3A is an umbrella organisation for over 50s (or is it 55s?) and covers all sorts of different interest groups. That might be worth looking at, too. Again, it is usually welcoming, and as people pick and mix which interest groups to attend there will be different people at different ones.

I would really like to be more sociable now I'm on my own and know it's good for mental health but having no friends locally to go on outings etc it's down to me to pluck up the courage to join something. I'm finding this very difficult. When I finally rang up an organiser to join a beginners pilates class I was told the class was already full, back to square one! Living on the outskirts of a village there's not much happening locally and no point joining something I'm not even interested in.

On my own now I love cooking for others and am always. happy to host. I do find I need to delegate responsibility for the wine/drinks etc though otherwise it’s too much of a one-woman show!
I particularly like summer lunches in the garden as I have a big teak table under a pergola with grape vines growing on it for shade - let’s hope it’s not too hot (or wet) for that this year.

I think when you first retire you want to fill your life with things and that's fine but after a while, as we age and realise we just don't have the energy we once had, its ok to cut back activities.
I joined U3A (lots of interest groups)
Volunteer in 3 places.
Teach a little (pottery to adults)
I still like to meet my friends so try to have at least one day empty each week.
I plan holidays too and invite people to stay.
I don't do childcare except very occasional.
Now to follow my own advice!
😃

When I working I think my social yearnings were met by friends and colleagues - since being made redundant I have struggled.
DH is quite happy to sit around at home and not see a soul apart from me - he does have hobbies and DIY to do but they have not been touched for the whole of winter. He says he has plenty of time to do them so no rush!! Whereas I think he's sat waiting for God!!
But his attitude is rubbing off on me as I am struggling mentally to get up and get a move on with things. Which is really annoying me - I have had some mild MH issues which were dealt with via Talking Therapies and can feel myself sliding backwards again.
We do look after GCs which keeps us busy too but one GS (we have for 3 days) will drop a day in May and then altogether in September as he will have his 30 hours at nursery. So have been discussing with DD about doing a pickup from Nursery and School one day a week so she can have some Me time and I will still have time with GCs.
The thing is, we had activities planned which got me out and socialising with other GPs and people for each of his days which will go when he is fully at Nursery - so I need to find something to do.
We also look after two GS's before and after school two days a week and they will be joined by their sister in September but they don't do anything other than after school activities - so no social outlet there.
DH is fully retired whereas it is Nov 2027 before I'm considering that I'm fully retired even if I am paid from private pensions now.
So I am already thinking of what else can I do? I did have a small 15hr week job working from home with odd days on site for a food charity but that was such weird set up and after a probationary period they decided I wasn't right for them. This has knocked my confidence for six - as with hindsight - their reasoning was discriminatory on disability grounds but still I'm better off out of there.
I like to be sociable and get out - DH is happy where he is and doesn't mind if I'm out and about. I need to get motivated!!

Like the poster who still works in hospitatity I have had a lifetime of work with customer and client groups, including working in a call center when I was doing my Ph.d.

Thats enough of face to face contact for me. Some members of the public are so needy and helpless that I wonder how they manage to find their way upstairs to bed.

I still have customers though my antiques business but as 99% is done via email I dont have to entertain them or have verbal conversations. Most of the interactions are via cut and paste emails to cover expected situations (delayed international packages etc.)

I want to downsize but don't want to leave this area. I know so many people and there are cafés where we can go if we feel lonely.
I do invite people in but often casually rather than planned.

I felt very reassured after reading these comments. I have never been particularly sociable - especially in groups - and get very stressed about entertaining- so it was good to know that I am not the only one.

I would hesitate to move house now we've retired, for the reasons people have mentioned.

I did decide recently to 'future proof' my social life, and have joined social groups (the NWR is a good start if anyone is thinking of doing likewise) and have set up a couple of my own, so that I have some sort of social event on most weeks, and sometimes (as happened last week) there is something on every night. I know not everyone is a 'joiner', but like so much in life it gets easier after the first time.

As another non-driver, I appreciate that it can be difficult, but if you get established in a group and contribute in other ways you are more likely to be offered lifts if you need them later. My husband is happy to drive me to meetings, and I make a point of offering lifts to others when he does. I hope that if/when he needs to give up driving people won't mind offering me a lift in return. I also 'muck in' as much as possible, and again, hope that I won't be seen as a 'taker' and will be cut some slack if/when I become less able to do so.

My mother used to say this house was like Piccadilly Circus. My v sociable late DH operated an open door policy (with yours truly cooking etc..) neighbours, family and friends visiting and staying. I taught privately here too, so it was like a train station, plus DC. Current neighbours keep to themselves. I wouldn’t mind being closer as that was the case in the past.

Widowed, I’m now my own best friend with a cat. I love going out, joining things, music groups, art, etc and have good friends if I fancy a night out in the city. DC and close sister come and stay for days which I like, but entertaining is a different matter. I host the bookgroup when it’s my turn and find it quite a faff.

It’s an energy thing isn’t it? Maybe as we age, things come into more perspective and we find out what really suits us.

A sober tale.

Yes, even that is to be considered.
A grandchild's needs at 4 is vastly different to 14.
Or even 21.

4, no end of help is needed.
14 - 18 barely listened to!
21 - can be grown up and gone themselves.

Vast generalisation.

Even I am musing my own words here.

We moved to a different area into a detached house with working neighbours and even after 10 yr know no one.
DH decided to retreat from social life as he thought ours was very one sided always us that did the visiting.He is happy in own company and home whereas I need company so meet maybe twice month for coffee and catch up, being a non driver evenings are difficult.I miss not having friends and we have out lived our use to DC as they no longer need us for DGC which is why we moved in first place.Have loved being part of the DGC growing up but now regret moving and feel redundant.

Purplepixie

I used to be such a sociable person but when I met and married my partner I entered another time zone. He has hardly any friends and we never socialise now. I moved from my area to live with him and our sons (from different partners). Both now left home. I’ve tried so hard to build a social life but it is so hard when I’ve got older (71). To be honest I hate my life now - it’s so bloody boring. I have my two wonderful sons who I see once per month because of distance. Speak on the phone, text and emails my wonderful friends and visit them once per year. But the whole thing has me depressed and I feel ill with it. If I didn’t have loads of hobbies then I think I would scream! I am a very social person.

If I ended up moving to a different area, for whatever reason life might throw at me, that is what I am concerned about.

My kids say "come and live near us".
But I say, "my life is here".
I have reasons that are understandable to stay at present, but when some people are gone.. well things may be different anyway I guess.

Friends, especially lifelong ones, are precious.
The older I get, the more I realise.

We have done the 'have friends for dinner' and 'have relatives from abroad to stay' malarkey and been well and truly taken for mugs. On all occasions it was very one-sided, extremely hard work and we have no desire to repeat either.
Much prefer to have lunch occasionally with special people that matter to us.

grannyactivist, the older I get, the less sociable I am. Apart from family gatherings, I really do prefer my own company. If it weren't for a friend (of 50 odd years) regularly popping round, I'd be pretty much a recluse. The little chats with neighbours when I walk the dog are quite enough.

I used to be such a sociable person but when I met and married my partner I entered another time zone. He has hardly any friends and we never socialise now. I moved from my area to live with him and our sons (from different partners). Both now left home. I’ve tried so hard to build a social life but it is so hard when I’ve got older (71). To be honest I hate my life now - it’s so bloody boring. I have my two wonderful sons who I see once per month because of distance. Speak on the phone, text and emails my wonderful friends and visit them once per year. But the whole thing has me depressed and I feel ill with it. If I didn’t have loads of hobbies then I think I would scream! I am a very social person.

Just because I had a very high public-facing job in the hospital did not mean I was a social butterfly in private.

While working I did honor invites out to eat/movies/plays, etc and even initiated a few things on my own. Okay, so I was social then.

But after retiring at the end of 2020 when the pandemic was full blown and forced to stay home - I LOVED IT! Finally, peace and quiet!

Covid changed a lot of things - for me, I realized there was no need for fluttering around like a social moth. Staying home is my favorite mode of living. I still see my friends and groups (family is out of state) at least twice a week.
Rest of the time is time for rest

We used to entertain far more than we do now. Dinner parties, visiting friends or having them visit us and family get togethers. I enjoy socialising, but we havent really made many new friends in the past decade or so and a lot of our more established friends have moved, re-married or indeed are now longer with us. DH and I have very different interests and so we socialise separately and usually outside the home.

never have anybody stay apart from DD2 and the grandchildren. DD1 and the kids live round the corner but lead such busy lives rarely see them, though that works 2 ways as I rarely go down for longer than 10 mins either.
Like my own company and my own space and due to various disabilities wining and dining is impossible.
Do go to a local knit and natter group and enjoy the company but can leave early if it is to much for me.
Always had a houseful when the children were little, their friends in the house, sleepovers etc and I loved doing this but not any more

I’m sociable, husband is less so but still keen to entertain, travel and days out, etc. A career nursing taught me to get on with others, I’m also a massive rugby fan, OH enjoys it too especially having a beer with the lads, I don’t drink so he’s got a driver
I’m very lucky having friends and family close

Most of you seem more sociable than us.

We dislike people spending the night, preferring a quiet home after 8-9p and before 8-9a. We allow GC to sleep over, if necessary, but it's not a preference, we typically "move toward the coats" before people wear thin.

Skydancer

I find socialising very tiring. I would never cook for anyone except family. If someone does come round I usually do a cream tea - that's about it. I hate anyone staying and hope nobody ever does. Definitely getting more anti-social and even find it a struggle to meet people in town for coffee these days. We have been invited to a wedding NEXT YEAR and I'm already dreading it as I may have to talk to people I don't know. Truth is, I don't like talking about myself and am not interested in other people really. I sound awful. Is it an age thing? I don't think I was ever like this.

Yes, I think it is an age thing. I remember my own mother used to love parties and going out when she was in her 40s and 50s, but as she got older, and especially after she was widowed, she just couldn't be bothered. We urged her to make the effort and get out more, but she said she preferred staying in her own home and that other people just irritated her. Now that I'm 68, I find myself thinking the same! Much as I enjoy the groups I go to, I do get fed up with the some of the women there, who just witter on and on about nothing!