Tales about "stingy" guests and hosts.

An old school friend and I had both moved away from our home town but over the years we had kept in touch to the point where I was asked to be a godmother to one of her children.
Another couple of decades or so passed and I seemed to be the one putting in all the effort of keeping in touch but when my daughter and I found ourselves visiting relatives who had moved near to my old friend I suggested we pay a visit to her as well (we hadn't seen each other for at least 18 years by then).
Although my friend kept on reminding me she would be at work all day a day and a date for an evening visit where agreed well in advance. She was by now a divorced mum of four grown up children, none of whom lived with her so my expectation was that she might prepare something in advance.
When we got there she was a bit dithery and asked what we might like to eat. Guessing that nothing would be forthcoming from the kitchen I suggested a takeaway but by then my friend had decided to walk to the nearest pub. When we got there there was a private function and although we could buy drinks there was no bar food that evening.
By now it was past 9pm and my daughter and I were starving. We had a bag of crisps and then called into a chippy (we paid for our own) on the walk back to my friends house. We ate these in her kitchen but by then it was clear we should be on our way!
She has since moved and not provided me with her forwarding address despite me asking via email a few times!

I had a "friend" who was was a complete and utter free loader.
However she got her cum uppance one Christmas. She had a large family and they all brought contributions for the big day. One son in law provided a stilton cheese. Not much was eaten and he took best part home with him. I heard her complaining for months.

I would say it has absolutely nothing to do with which sociological “class” one is, and everything to do with good manners!

I always offer tea etc to people who might drop in and if I had invited someone over to visit I’d have the food and drinks appropriate to the time of visit, ie coffee and cake/biscuits at 11:00am or lunch or afternoon tea or dinner.

We don’t have people to stay very often, but I always buy far too much and a diverse assortment of things, for breakfast I’d offer hot drinks, fresh fruit, fresh juice, toast and butter and cereal as a bare minimum.

Fulfilling your social obligations by eating can also be a challenge. Visiting his home island of Colonsay, my father would go round the houses, and in every one the table would be groaning, chicken, lobster, baking.
I dreaded this as a child. In Sutherland I was at a sheep sale with my uncle and we went into a relatives house where many people were having their dinners in the kitchen on sale day. I pleaded that.I couldn't eat a. dinner. Patty was a sensible woman but firm. She looked me in the eye and said, " You will have a cup of milk and a scone." I could manage that. But it was not possible that I could go into her house and eat nothing.

Many years ago my husband was a bee keeper. I did possess a bee suite but not really my interest one early afternoon the landlord of the local pub knocked on my door and asked if I could deal with a swarm that was in his beer garden. I reluctantly agreed as it was hot and I knew it would be busy
I duly provided the entertainment for the drinkers and boxed the swarm and told him once the rest of the swarm had boxed itself I would be back and explained to all that a swarm is very placid
It was a very hot day and all I received was a cursory thanks
I would have really appreciated a glass of shandy but no nothing

My late SIL was a frugal provider. When we visited, we were asked how many potatoes we would be eating at the meal and if someone took more than their ration,then someone else went short. I remember one dessert provision. There were 7 of us in total including our three children who had very hearty appetites. She provided a supermarket trifle for four and, on seeing the empty bowl remarked that it has been meant to do for tomorrow as well! My dear brother used to come and visit us on his own and tuck into our hearty meals with great relish and I always made him his favourite fruitcake to take back on the train to Scotland. He never got home made cakes at home.

A friend of my DD was raised by her grandmother as her own mother was unreliable, to say the least.
Christmas Day, grandmother prepared the meal and invited her daughter to join them.
Daughter arrived, sat down at the table, and started to argue. Shortly,she left in fury, slamming the door behind her.
Minutes later the doorbell rang, said daughter entered, picked up her plate of food, and left with it.

When we were living in the south west, a friend in London rang and asked if she and her DH could come down to see us for a weekend. Down they came to stay with us. We took them to see all the sights, treated them to meals out, and they departed for home saying that they'd had a wonderful time. The next year DH and I were going to be in London, so I rang and asked if we could meet up for a meal on the Saturday night. I heard friends DH say 'But that's football night'. The meeting never took place, and we only exchange Christmas cards now!

I remember reading about a lady who would open the door with her hat on. If it was guests she wanted to see she would say she'd just come in and invite the people in. If it was somebody she did not want to see- the answer was she was just going out and could they come back another time and let her know in advance

I once invited a lady and her husband to dinner and I pulled out all the stops. She said she was impressed with my cooking skills, especially the desserts as she didn't do desserts. She invited us to her home the next week and requested I bring the same desserts. I was fine with that. She was over the moon with the desserts when we arrived. However, when we got the meal it was leftovers from the previous day and for dessert we were served tinned peaches with tinned custard. She was having a meal with friends the next night so my desserts would be ideal for that! Saved her buying cake!! I was gobsmacked. The followingbwerk she phoned to ask.if i coukd providecthe same desserts for her next meal as she had said she made them herself! Needlessc to say I said no!!

When my husband and I were courting he took me one Sunday afternoon to visit a chap he had become friends with when he was in hospital recovering from losing his leg. As soon as we arrived his wife announced that she was going to work and she had left stuff for tea in the kitchen. A little while later said chap said that it was time for tea and could I get on with it! Strange kitchen, no idea where any thing is and very nervous me. The things for tea were a loaf of bread, margarine and a tin of Olde Oak ham. Now I am cack handed at the best of times (actually left handed) and being nervous I managed to slice my finger on the tin. We did eventually get sandwiches, but they weren’t pretty!

1summer

Talking of weddings I feel this is going to be awkward for some people.
In a few months I have kindly been invited to my SILs sister wedding. She is having approximately 50 people in the day and another 50 or so in the evening.
The wedding is at 2pm and my daughter told me that after the wedding guests will get tea and cake plus champagne for toasts. The bride thinks people will have had lunch before they come.
A hot buffet for all guests will be in the evening.
I suppose this is OK but they are not giving this information to guests and I don’t think most people will have a lunch especially those travelling a distance to the wedding.I am making sure I have a large breakfast/brunch before I go.

I’ve found it’s always best to have a good meal before leaving for a wedding, or take sandwiches to eat in the car beforehand if travelling a distance. And it seems the more expensive the wedding the more pitiful the wedding breakfast - plenty of twirls, smears and daubles on the plate but little actual food.

My husband and I moved South to work at a famous chocolate factory not long after we married. The HR manageress invited us to 'supper' one evening and coming from Lancashire we assumed a supper would be maybe a small buffet or similar. Because of that we ate at our usual tea time but were surprised to find a full roast being made when we arrived. There was no way we were going to admit we had already eaten so had to eat a full dinner (with sponge pud) and came away rather stuffed!
Joanne if you are reading this it was a lovely meal and gesture.

A group of retired teachers used to meet for lunch occasionally and the bill was split. We soon realised how unfair this was, as some were driving so not drinking alcohol, some ate only one course, others three. One person was consistently starting with a glass of Prosecco followed by three courses and coffee. So thereafter we worked out our own share and made sure the bill and tip were covered. On one occasion we had paid the bill and some had left when the waitress came back to say she had forgotten to charge us for the desserts. One lady insisted on covering the extra bill even though she had eaten the least. Normally she would insist, quite rightly, on only paying her fair share.

My ex Mother in law was a little like that. When my children were very young and I was still married she would invite us to dinner and we would usually eat before we left or when we got home. One time we arrived and she had been for an afternoon nap and was still in bed so nothing was prepared. FIL raided a meagre freezer as the children were hungry. . When we invited them to ours which would be an overnight stay so they could drink, they would arrive early and have nibbles, then have dinner. They always ate heartily and drank lots too. Breakfast was usually Bacon rolls x a few and sometimes they would stay for lunch. Eventually I changed the menu from the usual Steak, chips and all the trimmings to Burgers in rolls and of course, I had a complaint. I then discovered she used my face moisturiser as hand cream and used my lipstick, which I then gave to her. She even used one of my nightshirts. This was what they did wherever they were invited and did the same to people invited to their home.

Ps Even worse was other than 2 of them the rest were strangers, friends of friends

Resume well done fir speaking up . I was in the same situation once, just one plain rice and a bit of chicken with a glass of water ( wasn’t feeling well ) in an indian Restaurant.initially 6 of us and then another 5 of 6 friends turned up, mostly male,lots if courses lots of beer. The bill was split, ‘my share’ was £70 and I didn’t say a word. Never to repeat though.

Rusume

I remember once going out with some people for dinner. There were about 5 couples and me, on my own. The bill then came up and it was suggested that we split it. A few of the men had gone through the menu, meaning that they had 3 courses plus an alcoholic drink whereas I'd only had a plate of pasta with no drink, only water, and no dessert. It cost £14.95. The person working out the split then demanded £30 from each person. Whilst nobody really minds paying a few quid extra the demand for double the cost of what I'd had was ridiculous and told them I wouldn't be paying that. Shocked looks all round and I was told "You have to"! I said, "I dont" and put down the £14.95 and my share of the tip. Whilst I really didn't like to have to speak up for myself in front of everyone I'm glad I did!

What a cheek they had!!!

We have friends who have large everything when going out for a meal their own bottle of wine and other drinks and always want to split the bill. We enjoy their company and after many meals out with them I braved it say let’s each pay for what we had and they were quite put out they had to pay more than us 😂 We still go out together and still friends tho

Anyone visiting our house would be unlikely to leave without being fed and watered. I just love feeding people and actually feel sorry for those who say they can't cook. It seems to me to be natural to welcome people with appropriate eats and drinks according to what time they are with us. I think it may result from my upbringing which was very much the opposite!

I remember once going out with some people for dinner. There were about 5 couples and me, on my own. The bill then came up and it was suggested that we split it. A few of the men had gone through the menu, meaning that they had 3 courses plus an alcoholic drink whereas I'd only had a plate of pasta with no drink, only water, and no dessert. It cost £14.95. The person working out the split then demanded £30 from each person. Whilst nobody really minds paying a few quid extra the demand for double the cost of what I'd had was ridiculous and told them I wouldn't be paying that. Shocked looks all round and I was told "You have to"! I said, "I dont" and put down the £14.95 and my share of the tip. Whilst I really didn't like to have to speak up for myself in front of everyone I'm glad I did!

When I was a child some ex neighbours of my parents returned from living in Australia for 3 years. They had nowhere for themselves and two children to live so my parents offered for them all to stay until they could find their own accommodation.
They stayed for six weeks not once offering any money of help around the house. They disappeared one day when we were all out. They took most of our bedding, towels, cutlery and food from the cupboards.

My late inlaws were really funny with food when visiting. Tiny portions for us, but smaller for me. Despite the children and I not liking Christmas cake or pudding, nothing provided instead, maybe just a bit of vanilla ice cream, while they tucked I to filling hot pudding, or cake. Had to bring non dairy milk, when child was on a medically advised exclusion diet, how difficult is it to pick up a couple of boxes when picking up bottles of cows milk at the supermarket, even when visiting in the train had to bring it. They did drink and provided beer etc but again nothing really for those who didn't drink alcohol. Wed arrive after a long journey having ket them know what time we aimed to arrive to find the meal has not been started, and the sleeping arrangements bit set up, wed have to do it, not fun with tired children. When children were old enough to visit on their own, on the train, I remember them arriving back home mid afternoon not having been fed before they set off, or given a packed lunch to eat in the train .
I could understand if we'd just arrived without notice, if you're not expecting people and you're planning to go shopping tomorrow so supplies are running low, then this would be easier to understand, but all the visits were planned well in advance.
If someone visited me unexpectedly and was needing to go shopping, I could rustle up a drink and maybe nuts, fruit or cheese if no biscuits (I try not to keep them in stock, am not supposed to have them regularly.
If I'm expecting someone I'd make sure to have something in, even stuff I couldn't eat, I'd pass it on to someone else if they didn't eat it

Some of these posts mention the stingy people being well off, sometimes owning more than one property outright. One has to wonder if their stinginess is the reason they have all this property. Maybe they have been freeloading all thir lives in order to 'feather their nests'!

My Dd invited some uno friends to stay overnight, I provided pastries, bread, cereal, yoghurt, fesh fruit and various juices. One of the girls thanked me and said when they had stayed at her house while her parents were away, she opened the fridge and it was empty! 😅 They had to go out for breakfast🙄