Funny (and quick) one liners…

AskAlice

A close friend of mine went to see "Elephant Man" when it first came out in the cinema (these were less enlightened times, bear in mind.)

In one of the scenes, someone asked Joseph Merrick "What was your mother's name?" and someone in the audience immediately shouted out, "Nellie!"

It doesn't sound as funny now as it did at the time, thank goodness.

Many moons ago, we were at the cinema watching The Day of the Triffids. It got to a very tense scene during which a man was sitting in a glasshouse, eating his sandwiches, blissfully unaware that a triffid was creeping up on him. As it got closer some bright spark in the audience shouted out, “Look out Mate, it’s after your sandwiches!” The audience collapsed with laughter!

Dennis Skinner: "Half the Tories opposite are crooks!"
Speaker : "Please retract that remark."
Dennis: "Okay, half the Tories opposite are not crooks!"

Gin

I was in the cinema last week watching Madam Butterfly relayed from Covent Garden. At the end all the magnificent singers were given an ovation from the audience in London but utter silence in our cinema. When Pinkerton. ( the dastardly husband) came on for his bow I booed loudly and the cinema audience erupted into titters. He was an excellent singer but I was carried away with indignation at his treatment of Butterfly!

It is the custom to boo Pinkerton at the end of Madama Butterfly.
You clearly knew this- the cinema audience didn’t.

My favourite was when Lord Tebbit was complaining in the House of Lords about the length of time it took to drive from Parliament to the Tower of London, a delay he alleged was caused by cycle lanes and cyclists. Labour peer, Lord Hunt, heckled him shouting Get on your Bike. Deliciously ironic. Tebbit was not amused.

I was in the cinema last week watching Madam Butterfly relayed from Covent Garden. At the end all the magnificent singers were given an ovation from the audience in London but utter silence in our cinema. When Pinkerton. ( the dastardly husband) came on for his bow I booed loudly and the cinema audience erupted into titters. He was an excellent singer but I was carried away with indignation at his treatment of Butterfly!

A close friend of mine went to see "Elephant Man" when it first came out in the cinema (these were less enlightened times, bear in mind.)

In one of the scenes, someone asked Joseph Merrick "What was your mother's name?" and someone in the audience immediately shouted out, "Nellie!"

It doesn't sound as funny now as it did at the time, thank goodness.