Feeling a bit left out!

Sssd

Are the maternal parents seeing more of the babies? This would annoy me.

I’d assume the mother wanted to visit her own parents? Why would that annoy you?

Surely it’d be on your son to arrange visits with you?

I see mine far less often as they live 200 miles away but get to stay for a few days. I have had my first stint of looking after my grandson while his parents worked this year as his nursery closed a week before Easter and my DiL had to work as she is a curate, so one of her busiest times of year. Fortunately my granddaughter was still able to be with the childminder so I only had the 3 year old. I'd have struggled with both as the activites would have to be different.

When I first had my DD my MiL announced that she wanted to see her every six weeks! I was apprehensive as they lived about 70 miles away so it would have been all day visits and she was hard work. We all had busy lives and they expected to fit visits around their commitments without taking any account of ours! They expected us to visit them regularly but always wanted us to go on a Sunday when I had church commitments. When I suggested we go on a Saturday instead they said "But we go shopping on Saturdays!" They continued to say that even after they retired! In the end every 6 weeks didn't happen. We simply said if they wanted to see us on a Sunday they had to come to us and if they wanted a Sunday roast we'd have to eat out as I had to be at church an hour before the service and stay for a short while afterwards so there was no time to cook an elaborate lunch.

So my advice would be to be available as flexibly as possible but don't make demands. It sounds as if you are trying to wait until invited which is definitely the way to go. When you visit don't spend the whole time cuddling the babies but offer to help as well. Hopefully as they settle into their routines you will see more of them especially if your visits are easy going.

Are the maternal parents seeing more of the babies? This would annoy me.

One thing I have learned as a gran is that the relationship with your own child is more important than that with your grandchildren.
true Keepingquiet - but you probably knew that already!

Cambsnan

Try being endlessly helpful. When you visit, wash up, do some laundry… That will make you a welcome visitor! Don’t go round and expect to sun holding the baby while they wait on you ( I’m sure you don’t). Also hold back on the advice unless asked. I think the mums mum generally gets most contact.

Unless the family find you helping them is very annoying!

Don't assume they want help - even if the washing is piled up and the house is a mess, not everyone likes it.

I always hated this - and so does one of my daughters.

...My daughter-in-law however was grateful and later said how very different my help was to the baby focused "help" of her mother.

Don't just pile in though washing and clearing and so on.

I was lucky enough to live close to my mum and mum in law .
I didn’t work then , lots of mums didn’t , my children saw them all the time , no appointment needed . Just a phone call to arrange .
I have been delighted to help care for my twin grandchildren , who are now 11 .
In my opinion Grandparents are so important in a child’s life .
Perhaps you could ask to be included a little more , I hope so I think at least once a week 😊

I'm a nanna to 4 little ones. Trust me once mum and dad get frazzled, the sleepless nights no me time etc etc you will be seeing them a whole lot more ! Just be patient it won't be long

Grandma of four don’t see them much now they are older which is fine as hubby and I both work full time still. Saw them about once a fortnight when they were little fine by us.

If you have a strong and positive relationship with your DIL maybe suggest a park visit and take her for a coffee while you're out (generally amongst all my friends with children, it's the woman who tends to be the default parent so wherever she goes, the kids go too)

When my 2 were babies and toddlers I thought once a fortnight was too much! Now their dad has moved back home I see them every time he has them so it’s more than it was but they’re older now so I find it easier. It’s strange, I always loved babies and then when I hit the menopause all my maternal instincts disappeared. Obviously I really love my grandchildren but I wasn’t all over them and desperate to see them.

I have two new grandchildren. One I see a lot as my eldest son and partner drive, so come to me as much as I go to them. My youngest son and partner don’t drive, and have a completely different relationship as my eldest. I don’t see much of my granddaughter at all. Don’t feel left out.. I never go to see them unless I ring first, this way they know your coming and if they are out or going out, you won’t have a wasted journey . All new parent are different as I have learned to my cost.
All we Grandparents can do is let them know we are there for them.

When I moved out of my mums with my daughter, both were inconsolable.

My daughter ran and hid my mum's handbag, then clung to my mums legs.

My mum had her face buried in her hankie, trying to stifle the tears.

We had only moved four miles away, and we were still going shopping the next day, as usual

Should say DGDs not dads

I have 2 dads one will soon be 9 and the other just recently turned 1. When the oldest was born her parents were very young and split up when she was 6mnths old. My ds came back home and he had the baby every weekend, so we saw a lot of dgd, eventually he moved out and we were lost for a wee while, but we still saw a lot of them. A couple of years ago he got into another relationship and we’d only met the girl once or twice before he announced he was going to be a dad again. We don’t get to see either ds or dgds as much as we’d like, but I recently reduced my hours at work so am looking forward to looking after the baby a couple of days a week as his partner has gone back to work. Their getting married soon, so this will help with their childcare costs

That's the most sensible thing I've heard in song time.

I’m a granny and although I don’t live near my daughter, when I visit, I’ve always offered to help with anything, taking grandchild for a stroll in the buggy or to the park, walking the dog, cleaning, ironing, decoratin, cooking etc I just say let me know if there’s anything I can help with and there’s always something. A helping hand is sometimes more practical and appreciated than giving the baby cuddles. Off course I realise some young parents wouldn’t need any help, but as the children have grown older, I babysit too

I saw my grandchildren very frequently when they were small. I took early retirement when they were little and did Supply teaching. It was all very handy for the parents because most of the time I could do any babysitting that was needed. I normally did every day of half terms and we planned our week in advance + always a day at the museum, a day at home and a lunch out in a proper restaurant. DGD used to like to go back to the restaurant ‘for old times sake’ when she was a teenager or young woman.
They have a cousin who lives abroad and not wishing to miss out on the action he would love to come out with us and not only go to the same restaurant but want to sit at the last table we had sat at and ask what had been eaten! We all had such lovely times together.

You don't say how close by they are?

If my grandchildren lived nearby I would expect to see them informally- ask parents if they need shopping, some time to themselves etc, but not to pop by unannounced.

If they are further away I think once a fortnight is ok, but not to turn into a 'rule' there may be times you see them less, sometimes more depending on what's going on.

One thing I have learned as a gran is that the relationship with your own child is more important than that with your grandchildren.

They are the parents now and heaven knows how tough it is these days. Treasure your grandchildren by all means but make sure it is through the relationship you had first with your own child, and not a replacement.

Congratulations though- it is a very special time when they are young.

They will calm down over time. A few months on they will be scrambling for help. Sit back, smile and make sure they know you are up for it. Let me know how it goes. Interested.

when our first grandchild was born, they lived in england, we were in scotland, so we couldn't see them as often as we'd like,we travelled down to see them every couple of months, and they visited us when they could, there were a few tears every time we had to return home, but that's just the way it was
enjoy the time you do have with your grandchildren..

Make the most of the time you are with them and I am sure any offeres of help will be welcomed in the future. In the meantime you are welcome to borrow my 2 lovely grandsons who run me ragged and who leave me completely exhausted!!

Well, once a fortnight would have been magical for me. Now I hardly see them at all and I have kept my mouth shut! Take all the visits that you get.

Try being endlessly helpful. When you visit, wash up, do some laundry… That will make you a welcome visitor! Don’t go round and expect to sun holding the baby while they wait on you ( I’m sure you don’t). Also hold back on the advice unless asked. I think the mums mum generally gets most contact.

I'm in full agreement with MOnica and flappergirl. I have so much going on in my life that I'm not tied to children or GC. We bring our children up to be independent and choose their own paths and should be proud that they have achieved that.
I have two GC in Canada and consider myself fortunate if I see them once a year!

Parents will soon need you as grandchildren grow older. Just be available if you want to be.