Feeling guilty if I relax

I often feel the same, I think it is the Scottish Presbytarian in my DNA!

I found that even though I am retired, there is always something that requires my attention and need to be done on a daily basis.

As for housework, as long as I do one task every day, I am good and do not feel guilty at all.

Right now, what I am doing to try to simplify my life and get rid of anything that cause me any form of stress.

I have 2 grandchildren living with us at present and being teenagers they like to sleep in unless they have to go to work at some ungodly hour. I see them as my excuse to not do any cleaning that would wake them up. Bliss!

I'm also there. I feel best when I write a daily ToDo list. I make it simple, check off all the boxes, and the rest of the day is mine to decide. That way there is no reason for guilt.

Well, it’s time to get over it!

As we get older our bodies slow down and you need more time to recoup from past and recent activities. Don’t fight it - just RELAX and enjoy your book and music.

We were not made to grind ourselves down to the bone. This time is your REWARD!

Can you expand on that?

How do I get my partner to understand and see that I’m not doing anything suspicious on my phone? I’ve tried showing it to him but but he says not to do that and to just stop being sneaky. I don’t even know what he means.

Look at ADHD symptoms.

Never feel guilty about taking time for yourself and putting yourself first.

I dont,

Unless you aim to be the most unselfish person in the graveyard.

Ps it's a crochet pattern and I'm not an expert.

I’m the same still working in childcare at 64 and really love my day off but need to be doing stuff. One day I’ll just sit and do nothing!

It's a pattern I bought online from a known designer ronib and there is a video too, so I'll watch the video tomorrow. There's also an online group but they all seem to be very good!

Callistemon21 does your local knitting shop, if you have one, have an expert to explain where you are going wrong with the pattern? The finished article can sometimes be better than expected! The relief at having finished it is good too.

I have a similar problem. I was goal / project oriented for so many years, I find it difficult to be otherwise now.

I've found I can trick myself into doing relaxing things, though, by telling myself they are part of a larger task. For instance, I will plan an outing or holiday and part of my pre-planning will be to research as much as I can around that place. So a visit to Crete last year led to many restful hours soaking up the novels of Victoria Hislop, reading about the Minoans and researching lovely foods and drinks to try whilst I was there. I also learned a smattering of the Greek language and, of course, a new alphabet. I never had time to immerse myself in new places and cultures in this way when the kids were at home, so it's a real treat to be able to do it now.

I always try to have something to look forward to now I'm semi retired: It doesn't have to be a costly holiday - the goal can be just an awayday to a town or city, museum or art gallery I'd like to discover. Then, as long as my 'downtime' activities have something remotely to do with that goal, I don't get those irritable feelings that can creep in if I noodle about aimlessly.

ronib

Knitting to a new pattern is a great way to block out any extra worries as a lot of concentration is needed to follow the instructions. Time flies by unravelling mistakes.

It was crochet but I might abandon it.
Isn't it supposed to be relaxing? 🙃

Knitting to a new pattern is a great way to block out any extra worries as a lot of concentration is needed to follow the instructions. Time flies by unravelling mistakes.

I do find handicrafts are good, you are doing something you enjoy but it feels useful too.

I take that all back.

Having spent an evening trying to follow a pattern, confused, undoing what I've done, occasionally using a naughty word or two, I cannot recommend handicrafts as a relaxing hobby!!

Old habits die hard. You’ve spent a lifetime looking after others but now it really is your time. Think of all the weekends you were busy when many others weren’t. Take those saved up weekends now & do whatever you like. Be kind to yourself - no guilt needed. It takes a bit of time to adjust but you can do it.

Doing stuff can be relaxing - it depends upon what the stuff is. I used to enjoy reading a book under a tree in our garden with a glass of something or other. But I always felt guilty because there was always "work" to be done.

Well, at te age of 79, with seven compression fractures and blood cancer, I find myself totally at the whim of my blind partner, cooking three meals a day and I've been told by a nurse I now need to cook four! It hurts so much to stand or to go backwards and forwards, up and down all day. My parter is a Type 1 diabetic so food is important, but he has a Libre2, which means the reader can give an alert at any time in the night while my partner sleeps oblivious and I have to deal with high or low blood sugar.

I don't get the time to rest that I really need. But if you do get the chance, Welshchrissy, remember that it is only that you have not had the habit of relaxing, and that is why you feel the guilt. Now, you have to build a new habit, and that takes time and a lot of self-talk. Your time is now, and it is your time and yours alone. Take it and your radio and your book, to your favourite spot and enjoy it as if you have been gifted that time.

It’s a woman thing isn’t it, feeling guilty for relaxing or being a bit idle 😄
You need a mantra to repeat when you catch yourself doing the ‘guilty’ thing.
‘I’m worth it’ springs to mind, or ‘This is my time now’ say it three times then return to eating a Twix and reading your book.

Oh goodness, I don’t feel guilty at all. Finding this hard to understand. When young I was on the go all the time helping our corrupt politicians make money out of me. In my late fifties I was running a boarding Cattery, hard physical work in a hot country whilst working as a speed typist at a newspaper and writing a cat blog for another newspaper.
All behind me and now I relax, relax and relax and enjoy my free time clearing 40 years of accumulated stuff on eBay to leave our son money instead of junk.

Mark Twain famously said”Sometimes I just sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits!” We need to do that to recharge our batteries. You need a balance between working and playing. Do the chores then relax and play - reading tv craft garden or NOTHING!

I empathise with you. I feel just the same and find it so hard to have me time and not feel guilty. Same age as you, pretty similar life. My husband died with Alzheimers eight months ago. We'd just had our 50th anniversary, not that he knew it. Recent years have been so tough looking after him. I should now accept I deserve to be 'free" and relax. If only!

PinkCosmos, I love that poem!

I don't have a problem relaxing; I think my disposition is daydreaming, which general life interrupts.

Although I still work full time, DH is retired at home so does most of the house chores, leaving me lots of time for leisure in the evenings and weekends. I do worry about getting too lazy in retirement, so will have to block out my day to get things done.

Welshchrissy, you will have to block out some time morning and afternoon to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. Sit with your morning tea in the garden or lounge, grab a book or some knitting or listen to a radio or podcast. If you block in the time, you will eventually look forward to it, and enjoy the process of slowing down.

That, or you could come over to mine and I could keep you busy for a while!