Feeling guilty if I relax

do you remember those days when the children were young and you thought to yourself 'when will I get an hours peace' well that time is now

You have had such a busy life looking after others that it’s hard to accept that life is no longer so demanding and you can at last look after yourself. You have earned the right to just sit and do nothing. Enjoy it, it’s been a long time coming. The cupboard and the weeds can wait.

You probably need to internally reset your core values and expectations.. you have worked hard for your family and fulfilled all the needs of family and work. Now is the time to become the wise elder, a time for reflection, spirituality and rest.. just enjoy

It is your time, you’ve done more than enough. Just tell yourself resting is as important as being busy. I realised recently after a very busy stressful time, that resting is so important it gives the mind and body time to heal and reset. Enjoy.

Please sit down and enjoy the tranquility of simply doing nothing! You have had a busy life - this is your time now . Enjoy 😊

Welshchrissy sounds like you have had a busy and fulfilling life. You need to look after yourself now. I guess you aren’t used to putting your needs first.
To keep on doing what you are doing you need to relax and recharge, body and mind.
Will your dog cuddle up with you after a walk? A great way to unwind. Maybe try some classical music or one of the apps or items on BBC Sounds for relaxation.
This might be enough or relax you to enable you to settle into a book or for TV.
Knitting or other crafts keeping you busy whilst relaxing might work for you?
Good luck. Hard to “ timetable “ relaxation but maybe you need to whilst training yourself how to.

I know the feeling. Am also 71, and have started to think that unless I take the opportunity to read that book, or watch that programme, I shall be dead and never get the chance.

📕📺

S.d doing the dusting!

‘A house unkept is better than a life unlived’.

(My house isn’t that bad, but I could always find a job if I wanted to).

My Mum was the same welshchrissy. She was always on the go and never sat down till about 7pm then she would be knitting for someone.

We used to laugh because she did sit down one morning as she felt tired (she was late 80’s then) and my brother popped in and asked what was the matter. She said she was OK but why had he asked. He said because he never knew her to sit down in the daytime!

As others say, NOW is your time. I looked after my Mum for 14 years and I do what I want, when I want now. Enjoy yourself. Actually I got my Mum used to the expression “me time” and encouraged her to knit, sew, read, do whatever she wanted so she did just that for her last 10 years.

I totally understand, it has taken many years to be able to just sit, relax, read or do nothing without the pesky noise in my head telling me I should be doing something.

Please persevere, you will find yourself doing nothing one day, guilt free and realise you have been worrying over nothing.

Good luck.

PS. My Mum always used to say “you are a long time dead” and I often reminded her of that. 😉

I have the same feeling!

As a child I was beaten if I was caught dong nothing, my Mother would then say “the devil makes work for idle hands”

It is instilled in me to work and not sit down until the evening.

I am training myself to stop and indulge myself with this site, a podcast or a book occasionally throughout the day.

My husband would never criticise me and often says for goodness sake just stop!

We, too, find it difficult to relax and "do nothing" (except read) as we always have something we should be doing. Quite often we try on a Sunday afternoon, justifying it as Sunday being a day of rest - although I have to keep reminding myself of that every few minutes!

If Sunday can't be a day of rest for you, claim another day in lieu.

It’s taken me 6 years since I retired to actually not feel guilty if I just sit and knit or read. I know that’s ridiculous but I spent my entire life upto now running around like a blue assed fly and I have no idea why it made me feel this way.
So today I have done a bit of housework and now I’m sitting down with a coffee and my kindle and, apart from getting lunch, I am doing very little else!

But you are not doing nothing! You are reading or listening to the radio. Enjoy!

I just tell myself all those jobs will still be there when I am gone. You only get one life and it is yours to do what you like with.

I feel like that too. If there is a single thing that needs cleaning, tidying, ironing, etc., I find it very difficult to ignore it. I can do some art, gardening or reading the newspaper, but I just can't sit and read a book. The only time I seem to be able to do that is in bed at night. It is completely illogical I know.

So far as you are concerned, of course you should feel quite comfortable relaxing and doing whatever you want. You have had a busy life and still do all that is necessary. But it is very difficult to change the habits of a lifetime and overcome feelings that you should be "doing something". I hope you will be able to do so and enjoy yourself.

Not a problem I’ve ever had to be honest. I’ve always maintained if one finds time for oneself in amongst ‘doing for others’ then life can be enjoyed and resentment never creeps in. I’m just as important (not more so, but certainly not less) than everyone else in my life….
We are all different.
#lazygran

I hope you find a way, welshchrissy, but I can’t say I’ve ever had that problem. Though having said that, I’d certainly feel guilty to sit and watch TV during the day - unless I was also knitting - my knitting is all for much-needed items so I do feel I’m doing something useful - and if the house could do with a vacuum and dust, I don’t much care.

IMO you’re either a ‘busy’ person, who ‘never sits down’, or you’re not, and from experience the two types are often obvious fairly early on.

I am also 71. I worked full time until I was 60 then I had a stroke. I had to slow down completely. I worked on until I was 63 then I’ve helped 3 young grandchildren since then. They are now older and I’m not needed so much. It is difficult switching from never stopping to a different pace. However I have learned my lesson from being ‘busy’ and I do not feel guilty. It’s ok it’s about acceptance at another stage in our lives.

You have been indoctrinated over the years because you have led such a busy life. I used to feel the same. Don't worry, this soon will pass.

I know exactly what you mean, I am in my 80`s and only recently realised that I can`t keep on , and feeling guilty, so trying slowly, slowly to change,, a bit at a time.

When I first retired I used to feel exactly the same way, I felt I had to justify my existence by being busy and doing all sorts of things that probably didn't really need doing. It took me a couple of years to move beyond this and now many years later I spend a lot of time not doing much at all and have to really tell myself to get up off my backside and get things done.

It’s hard to not feel guilty that I understand from your post, but maybe with more time to sit and do the things you enjoy and state you may become less guilt ridden. As others have said raising 5 children and caring for your husband you deserve this time. I hope you get there and eventually enjoy the time to yourself without any guilt. We are a long time dead…..

Reading isn’t doing nothing! It’s a very positive occupation. I mean reading proper books, of course - not looking through a magazine,