Random old bloke telling me to ‘Cheer up!’ 😩

He's a dinosaur, Witzend.

Got to feel sorry for them really 😁

Gwyllt

I think it was Michael Mosley in his program “Just one thing “ that said saying something to a stranger is good for both parties. Perhaps that was what he was doing During Covid walking into the village to the post box it made my day when someone new spoke to me. Got to know a lot of people.

As a dog walker, I have a lot of random conversations with people I don't know. I hope I try to say positive things. Frequently that's about the weather or their dog...
Saying something positive to a stranger is good for both parties.

Witzend

Grandmabatty

I would reckon he only says it to women. I have never been told to cheer up by a woman. It is very annoying to be told to cheer up by some random man. As you say, you might have had bad news or been unwell.

Exactly - I would bet anything you like that he’d never have said it to a man!

^ I would bet anything you like that he’d never have said it to a man!^

Sure as heck he wouldn't have done.

It used to be a 'thing' way back when I was young. "Cheer up Love" was frequently directed at women. A Bus Conductor (tells you how long ago it was) once said to me as I got on to the bus, "give us a smile then, Love" I stopped in my tracks, looked him directly in the face and asked, "why?". He muttered something about "just being friendly, like". No, he wasn't just-being-friendly. He was part of that culture where men felt they had the right to a woman's attention; where women were supposed to look passive and pleased and men should be allowed to approach them if they felt like it.

So no, he wouldn't say it to a man - nor would he dare say it to a woman if she was a high-profile figure. It's just men's 'ownership' of women that still lingers in some men's minds. You're supposed to look pleased to see them.

... would he have said it to a woman out with her husband - or even to the husband himself?

I also think it is rude and unnecessary. It makes you feel self conscious.
I think it may be a chat up line or their idea of a joke to catch your attention.
Men used to say cheer up it may never happen often when I was young.

Men of a certain age perhaps?

I did chat to some strangers recently. We were sitting at adjacent tables outside a café.
It turns out they are from Ukraine and have been living here for 18months. Their child was about 18 months. They said they were missing their families but don't miss the war.

Good for you. It’s bloody infuriating when random men (and it’s always men) feel it’s okay to tell women how to be.

I'd look to the sky.

Good for you telling him off the next day, I say. At least you done it politely. I always wish I could think of something sarcastic to say straight away.

I can't quite get into the mindset of those who think women should respond with smiles to such personal remarks.

It's taken me a long time to learn that, and people pleasing has in the past got me into some unpleasant situations, but it is important to try and get beyond it. I can still feel the people pleaser in me trying to get out

Women should not think they have to be people pleasers and unfailingly polite, especially to rude old men.

I was always told I would be pretty if I smiled… this irritated me so much and now have permanent brow furrows.. how rude can be people be and the impact this had

Galaxy

He was rude. Incredibly so. There is no requirement for women to be kind to rude men.

I was beginning to think a few of us were out of step!
No, we are right.

I bet Mumsnetters would be raging about him 😁

Men should never be encouraged to make personal remarks to women they don't know. I experienced quite a lot of it in my younger days, I remember the last time some random bloke said "cheer up luv" I was heavily pregnant, I felt like responding with "My expression is due to the fact that I have a baby pressing on my bladder making me constantly want to pee, or is that too much information for you luv"

He was rude. Incredibly so. There is no requirement for women to be kind to rude men.

And Witzend was not in the least bit rude - just direct.

karmalady

a miserable mean response witzend, no need. Try smiling while you say hello

Witzend is a lovely poster, cheerful and she must have been irritated by this misogynist to have responded like that.

It's demeaning, a man trying to belittle a woman.
It's been said before but worth repeating - he probably would never say that to another man.

a miserable mean response witzend, no need. Try smiling while you say hello

Yes I agree Callistemon would a man say that to another man, I doubt it, passive, aggressive undertone, what's wrong with "lovely day, or will this rain ever stop?" Why be personal and what if the person responded with "my husband has just died?"

GrannyRose15

Poor man was wanting to start a conversation. We aren’t all experts at it you know and a lot of us can be a bit clumsy. Would you rather no one spoke to you? I know I’ve had some lovely conversations with strangers stating with inauspicious beginnings. Give the man a bit of slack.

Good Morning, lovely day isn't it! is a useful sentence to remember!

He was rude. No excuses.

Personally I wouldn't have said anything. But I know why you felt annoyed.I've been told 'cheer up ' by a random stranger or two before and don't appreciate it.It been when I'm genuinely preoccupied by something. And I too think my face unless I'm smiling has a naturally more solemn aspect.

Poor man was wanting to start a conversation. We aren’t all experts at it you know and a lot of us can be a bit clumsy. Would you rather no one spoke to you? I know I’ve had some lovely conversations with strangers stating with inauspicious beginnings. Give the man a bit of slack.

petra

BlueBelle

Bit mean in my opinion, I would have smiled at him I bet it was just his way of making contact
Why go out your way to take offence, teach him by example

I’d have done exactly the same 😁.

It's demeaning, insulting and a put-down.

I doubt he'd ever say it to a man who was passing by.

MissInterpreted

I have 'resting bitch face', but to be honest, I don't think anyone's ever told me to cheer up. I'd probably just have given him 'the look' and carried on with my day.

If that man saw my "passport face" he'd be too terrified to speak to me.

Yes agree, there's nothing wrong with general conversation, I'm happy to chat to anyone, but telling a stranger they need to cheer up is patronising, rude, personal and inappropriate for the very reason LottieLouise has given.

I have 'resting bitch face', but to be honest, I don't think anyone's ever told me to cheer up. I'd probably just have given him 'the look' and carried on with my day.