When to move?

My OH and I moved last year ages 75 and 77. We lived in a rural setting in a large house with an acre of garden and had to get in the car for everything. Our DC didn't want our house so we moved to a medium sized town, downsizing slightly but big enough to put up family. We have a small, beautifully landscaped garden and can walk to restaurants, theatre, shops etc. We are also on a bus line. We had a lot of furniture, books etc. to get rid of but I am so glad we did it while we are still got and healthy.

Tink you sound like one of my DC .
I wish I could be sensible but I have so much where I am. I am already near buses and doctors, friends and shops. It's just that the house is big and cold with empty rooms and a huge garden.
The cost of converting it to flats would cost £millions.

Very wise words staceygrove. Your house sounds lovely. Just what I will be looking for when the time comes. It is just bricks and mortar. So many people say once the house is empty of your furniture etc it doesn't feel like your anymore. Your personality travels with you.

I have read all of your replies with great interest as we are just going through the whole process of trying to downsize. We have only ever owned this house, a large Edwardian semi with a too big garden in a London suburb, having moved in in 1970, so the whole process of selling and moving is new to us. At 80 & 76 we're still quite fit but it really feels like it's a now or never move. We're close to a busy high street and public transport so finding somewhere close that's suitable is not too easy. Our house has been on the market since late Feb, has had several viewings, and we're just crossing fingers that the latest couple, who seem keen, will put in a reasonable offer (it's tiring keeping the house ready for viewings!). We've already lost a flat we really liked and have found another one but have had to learn to cope with disappointment. Once we accept an offer, I know we're just at the beginning of the process (buying and selling in England seems designed to cause a lot of stress when people can pull out of offers at any time before contracts are exchanged). I am also feeling daunted by the whole process of getting rid of a lot of stuff. I've been de-cluttering for months but it's the furniture and other things we don't need (very hard getting rid of things inherited from my family in Canada) and I'm sure I will need advice from those of you with experience on how to minimise the stress and look forward to a new adventure (with less maintenance and gardening) in a smaller place.

We moved downsizing 11 years ago to be nearer son and family. Get positive and make new friends in a new area. DH died last year and am I glad that we made the move. Miss the depths of the country but near shops now and independent. Go for it whilst you are well enough to do it.

I'm not so much worried about moving but I do worry that the NHS and availability of care services will get worse as the years go by. We are an ageing population with fewer younger people to do the jobs needed and the negativity shown to immigration by some people makes that worse. I want to stay in my own home as I age. I don't want to be subject to endless Vera Lynn, etc., in an understaffed care home or stuck in a hospital bed because some social worker thinks I can't cope at home.

Pam I hope you will be very happy there.
You knew the time was right.

I'm 59 and in the process of moving from my 3 bedroomed house which I'm selling into a rented 1 bed sheltered accommodation flat. I can't wait. Health issues means the house has got too much for me. The bathroom and stairs are a particular problem. It's difficult decluttering but it will be worth it. My family are excited for me as they know I'll have additional support. It will be hard leaving the home I shared with my late husband who died nearly 8 years ago but I know it's time.

I made the decision to move from our 5 bedroom house 5 years ago now as it was just me and dh left and we hardly ever went in the empty rooms. My children encouraged us to go as they only stay a few tines a year. We downsized to a 2 bedroom town house in a conservation area. Its lovely, low maintenance and warm. I thought when we lwft i would be heart broken as had been in our old house 40 years. Do you know, I never even shed a tear and to this day don't regret it. At the end of the day its bricks and mortar, its you who make the home alive and your family.

Thought I would not move from my bungalow by the sea. Something I had dreamed of for years! Spent 14 years there until new neighbour moved next door & was horrendous to live next too! So did as my family had asked for a long time & moved inland to be near them! Have not regretted it for a minute! The new bungalow is just right size & my gardener still comes to sort my gardens! The only downside was that just as we had settled my beautiful cat, a little Rescue from 10 years ago became ill & I lost her! Said no more cannot go through that again but I have! An older boy needed a home as his owner couldnt keep him! Lovely indoor cat settling in very well so a good move after all! Do miss the sea 2 minutes walk away still!

If I were you Witzend I wouldn't be thinking of downsizing but since DH died 3 years ago my DC have been encouraging pressurising me constantly. Its almost as if they won't be happy until I'm settled in a retirement home. Grrrr

I can’t see myself moving unless/until I’m on my own. The house is a 4 bed but not over-big, the garden is small, and we have everything more or less on the doorstep, plus very good (free) public transport. And we do still want that space for family now and then.

The thought of packing up and getting rid of a lot of stuff - not that we have a lot of clutter - would be very daunting, though. I can well understand why people stay put when moving would be sensible - moving is always a massive hassle when you’re young and fit, let alone when you’re getting on a bit and just don’t have the same energy any more.

Too true Sara1954!

I have promised my DS3, who is the most empathetic of my 4 DC, that I will at least view other smaller dwellings and get serious about decluttering!
Then if and when I am ready to sell and buy, he will help with the move.
So it's Rightmove for me.
At least for the time being.......

I have accepted a quote for roof repairs which sound fair so that's a start.
I have a family party planned for the end of June when DS2 will be here from NZ. Will it be the last one?

I suppose downsizing is an admission that you’re getting old, which is why so many of us resist it.
I am used to every big occasion being in my house, I think all the grandchildren will have happy memories of holidays spent with their cousins, and I suppose I will find it hard to watch my daughters take over, heaven knows why, I’m definitely not a control freak, I guess it’s just how it’s always been

We decided to move from a large four bedroom house to a bungalow on the Northumberland Coast , seven years ago. We were both 73 and fortunate to enjoy excellent health and fitness.
I am so very relieved we did. Seven years later both of us have health problems. Husband was diagnosed with cancer last December and fitness levels have been affected, and I have Arthritis which has accelerated the past year. However we are well organised , and we find our bungalow very easy to maintain, Gardner comes to cut grass in the summer and OH potters with flower gardens. We try to hang on to our existing fitness levels by walking on the beach most days. we have no family nearby, but so relieved we managed to organise our move seven years ago. How things have changed for us this last few years, but then as we are both eighty now its only to be expected. So I would say to anyone who is in the same circumstances as were dont leave it too late.

In hindsight I was fortunate, I had to downsize in my early forties after divorcing, I only moved about 500 yds, from a large 4 bed detached to a 3 bed semi. Continuity for the children with school and friends and for me with known local facilities a short distance away and my friends, it did me a favour. I’m now in my 60’s and would dislike the thought of moving , the house and garden are manageable, my children both live a few miles away.

It’s a difficult time of life - you feel you might need to move but the thought of it is daunting and the idea keeps being put on the backburner.
I would make a list of all the pros and cons of your current abode and then a wishlist of things you’d prefer in a new home. Weigh them all up and see if it’s worth the hassle of the move.
Eg - could you afford a gardener/cleaner if needed.
If you were to live closer to town, if you have limited mobility, then it wouldn’t make any difference where you lived - you could have deliveries instead.
I personally love the peace and quiet of the countryside and couldnt imagine living in a town with noise, cars and too many people.
But who knows, maybe down the line, I might be forced to move.

Not keen on stairlift.

We decided to stay put. If left on my own, then I will most likely move since this house and garden is too big for me to manage on my own.

In the meantime, I focus on decorating the house to a sellable standard and adapting it so if either one of us cannot manage the stairs, we can still continue living here.

Even trying to adapt this house gives me a headache, for example to install a wet room under the stairs, I will have to relocate the electric meter and consumer unit elsewhere first.

We just had a new roof, so at least, I no longer get stress when it rains.

I did this just before Christmas and it's been the best thing ever. I'm in sheltered housing, a one bed flat with a beautiful wet room and a balcony large enough for table and 2 chairs, I have hanging baskets and colourful pots too. It's warm and cosy, less housework, and the option to use communal areas if I want company. I still drive but there is a 30min bus service literally outside the main entrance if ever I couldnt. Everywhere well maintained with a delightful housekeeper. We have a manager on site Monday to Friday if we need help or advice. I love it. No regrets at all. Drs surgery 5mins away, town about 10mins. Behind the scheme is the local common with bowls greens and tennis courts and outdoor lido. Always someone to chat to if i go for a walk as the common a dog walkers delight. My children don't have to worry about me either. I count myself very lucky.😊

Any move is stressful at least that's what I keep telling my DC.
When you have to clear a house which has been home for over 40 years it's mammoth!
My in-laws thought that their move in their 70s to a sensible house would be their last. They installed a stairlift and had some home and garden help.
After he died her main problem was loneliness and isolation.

Her DC took fortnightly turns to live with her for 2 years until that became too much of a burden.

So her DS converted his bachelor flat for her to move in with him. Her frailty made it hard and she lived only a few months. But I think she was happy and she didn't have to go to a carehome which she'd have hated.
She died exactly a year ago aged 98.

It has been an interesting read and we all have such different size houses and lifestyles, but the question still remains of when is a good time to move from where we have lived maybe for many years and often from our loved garden however big or small it is. One thing to take into account of course is the actual cost of moving...which may pay for several years of gardening and cleaning help. The other thing is that sometimes making changes to your house may not make it extra saleable. So many times I have heard of people putting in a new kitchen or bathroom to sell it and the incomers strip it all out again within weeks/months. Our house needs a lot spent on it, but there are some downsides which will always affect the sale price. We have very limited off street parking in front of our house and no garage or side drive in a busy town where the parking wardens patrol like sharks.

So when the time comes it will have to be sold in the state it is in. And will probably be made into 2 small flats. Good luck to everyone on that journey.

I think we all know we need to think about it sooner or later, but we just don’t feel ready for that move.
We have lived here for twenty years, the longest we have ever lived anywhere, it was meant to be temporary, while our youngest child was at school in the area, but somehow, we’re still here.
Everything is right for us , we have had quite a lot done, and it’s big enough for all the children and grandchildren to stay, it’s been a home from home for some of my grandchildren, and we have had our children move back home with their children for varying amounts of time.
I think I want to be in a town with lots of facilities, but every summer I feel I want to stay in the country.
Decisions, decisions, so hard!

Thanks for so many interesting replies. Our circumstances are so different but we have the same difficult decisions to make.
Age is not relevant as some are thinking about it 20 years before others. Finances are very relevant if you can’t afford to pay for help or the increased costs of maintaining a very old house. Location makes a big difference, there is actually no suitable property to move to where I live.
You’re lucky if you still drive, that makes life so much easier.
Sympathy sent to those in much worse situations than I am and surprise at those living alone still in huge properties.

Reading many of these posts is a good reminder to move earlier when you still have your health and when there are two of you . My parents should have moved when my dad retired but they didn’t and my DM was forced to move when her health and fitness meant she couldn’t cope with a large house and garden on her own , after my dad died . She moved to a 2 bed flat 9 years ago , just off a busy high street .
She misses the house and garden but knows it was the right move .