Don’t know how to deal with DIL and mother/ Grandchildren involved.

It’s strange that the posts come from the US but none of the replies do …

And another one!! I wish we had one thread for all these almost identical post from the states then one answer would do them all
herewegoagaincrazy let me explain ….lately we have had quite a few (sometimes a week or so apart) long posts from a US poster with very very similar problems to yours sone of them have turned out to be past banned posters

Now presuming you are a genuine poster with a genuine problem I m sure you will get lots of good advice and I hope you manage to sort the problem out to everyone’s satisfaction
It’s not easy

I am at a loss as to why people have children.......and then expect their own parents and in-laws to look after them.

Hi Herewegoagain
I think it sounds odd because most of those on GN are in the UK and lately there have been several very long posts from US all about in -laws and the difficulties people seem to have with theirs!

I'm afraid I don't have any magic solution. I would back off child minding if it's as hard as you say it is.
But I have never been a hands-on grandma.

I see my 7 lovely GC when I am invited or if they are brought to me.
I am on my own now.

I have the same issue as you as regards taking them in my car.
The younger ones have never been driven by me - the excuse is that I don't have suitable car seats but I think it's that the other DGP have a big car which seems safer and there are 2 of them.

I hope you manage to sort something out!

Thank you to the last few reply’s. We have decided we have traveled the last year to all our children a lot and now want to stay put so we can have a routine, do us, etc. They (3) can visit us anytime. Two will be visiting Aug and Sept. though they have no children yet themselves. Our married son said they will try to come for a holiday.

I’m a little confused with this “ we” stuff. The first reply.
Somewhat agree with the second reply but also a bit harsh. Could’ve been worded different and maybe a solution to help how I feel. This stuff is painful.
Third reply- convinced of ? I was just looking for some help to navigate this mess.

Don't deal with DIL mother, it's not your business how she lives. I think that daft expression "you do you" applies.

Why bother if she can drive all round and you can't? Their rules, their babies. Well done backing off, not worth a fight over nothing.

I'm always at a loss as to why grown women, finished raising babies want to be in charge of childcare, diapers, food, driving - perhaps find a hobby?

At any rate don't fight your son on anything nonsensical - perhaps join the estrangement threads to learn what they have to say?

I’m afraid I would have a virus every six weeks. Let tgem get on with it, they can visit you.

Im not convinced by some of these enormously long posts.

I think a lot of this is a mind your own business situation. Your son and his wife have together decided this is how it is. So the parts you can react on are the parts that impact you and then you can only decide what what to do about your parts.

You can steer clear of her mother if you know she causes drama - you can’t do anything else about it. Avoid when possible and don’t engage when not. What she says etc is upsetting but nothing you can control. Trying to drag her kid into it will not help as youve seen. Your kid has decided he doesn’t want to discuss it so don’t.

Same for the driving. You can decide for yourself if you’re willing to follow their rules - which are that you can’t drive the children in your car. Or you can decide you’re not willing and then tell them you won’t be coming any longer. It’s their children’ and their call . You don’t get a say in that. You decide what you’re willing to follow rule wise - the downside to that is if you refuse you’ll lose that time with the grandkids. But the choice is yours.

Why do we get all these dil posts from the States?