Children/Grandchildr en

Mine live a long way away but often go and see them. We minded both of them (5 and 9) for 5 days and it was a pleasure (apart for DH being taken into to hospital in the middle of it).
I would not be able to look after them full time though.

We helped when the grandchildren were young but they are all more or less grown up now except for one 5 year old who lives too far away for us to do much day to day stuff. I loved helping, they are gorgeous and so much easier and more polite than my lot were as children! I feel really, really blessed, as an only child myself, to have such a big extended family.

I have looked after grandchildren for 20 years on and off, I Don't regret a moment, but if I didn't feel up to it I certainly wouldn't do it, it's a privilege to be involved in their lives, they grow up so quickly and also in this time my children are pushed to find minders they can afford or even find minders alone , my life is richer with the involvement I have,

No of course it isn't keeping quiet.As I am in my late 70s now I can't do as much for my 5 year old grandson as I did with the older ones. He picked a dandelion for me on Sunday and said "that's for you cos I love you" so no it's not dependent on how much you do.

AGAA4

keepingquiet

I wish I could be so self sacrificing... I worked hard all my life and although I love spending time with my grandchildren and feel very privileged to know and spend time with them I also value my own time too.

Not self sacrificing at all. I could do what I did for my family and have a good life of my own with friends and hobbies. Now that they have become adults I still have all those things so don't need anything from them but they tell me they love me so what more would I want.

I think I was referring to the people who are their own children's child care providers. I have a few friends whose lives are seriously impacted by having to provide free childcare. Maybe I am just lucky that like you in that I see mine for fun activities only for the most part.
One of my friends knows she is called 'bad nanny' because she has to get them up for school etc whereas the other nanny just does the fun stuff.
I don't think the love my grandchildren have for me is dependent on anything.

It is exhausting but an absolute pleasure to spend times with your children's children ....I pick 2 of mine up 2 times a week....their little faces when they come out of classroom and run up to me ....priceless

keepingquiet

I wish I could be so self sacrificing... I worked hard all my life and although I love spending time with my grandchildren and feel very privileged to know and spend time with them I also value my own time too.

Not self sacrificing at all. I could do what I did for my family and have a good life of my own with friends and hobbies. Now that they have become adults I still have all those things so don't need anything from them but they tell me they love me so what more would I want.

I wish I could be so self sacrificing... I worked hard all my life and although I love spending time with my grandchildren and feel very privileged to know and spend time with them I also value my own time too.

I never wanted anything back from my children and grandchildren. I cared for them out of love not for a reward later in life.
I'm sure I did and do invest time in them but it's time well spent.
I feel very blessed to have been a part of their lives. The two I cared for are adults now and have their own lives. I don't live close to them but I see them sometimes. I just feel happy to see how they have blossomed into two wonderful people. I ask nothing more than that.

In the early years my AC always worked around their children. I was called upon occasionally to have the children during the day and more often than not this was always with good notice and I planned the days accordingly - if the weather was good we would go for long walks, have picnics etc., in bad weather we would spend the day crafting.
My AC have never overstepped the boundaries and have never taken me for granted........because that is how they were brought up!

I had mine for 2 days and found it very stressful. I hated the traffic at school time and also going to after tea activities in the dark,swimming football etc.
I also worried about him as he had allergies but I didn't complain. His parents are very pleased with the mix of things he has been exposed to when with me and the other granny who has quite a different set of interests. He has turned out very well.

It was a pleasure and honour and something I miss now they are all grown and flown

This is a real hot topic as demonstated by the answers here.

I have been aware of grandparents who gave their all to grandchildren when they were little, only to find that as adults those same grandchildren didn't visit or even remember birthdays/Christmas etc. When it came to grandparents they rarely visited the care homes they went into or even attended funerals.

We choose who we spend our time with, but sometimes those adorable grandchildren grow into uncaring and disrespectful adults.

Just warning a few who seem to invest so much in their little darlings. Sometimes the payback isn't what you think it might be.

If grandparents are run ragged by selfish children demanding they do childcare and making estrangement threaats if they do not, then, generally, they have only themselves to blame for bringing their children up to be selfish and making door mats of themselves

Of course, some grandparentswill be doing it because their children are in ill paid jobs and cannot afford childcare, or their grandchildren may have specil needs.

I suppose their are some who wrap their whole lives round their children and grandchildren to the exclusion of all else, although I do wonder how they manage when their grandchildren leave the nest and their urpose in life diasppears.

I have never lived close enough to be on call but I know how careful my DS & DDiL were not to impose on my DiL's mother.

When I worked in early years, and did parent and child play sessions, I saw so many elderly ( sometimes very elderly) people attending with their grandchildren, whom they ‘minded’ full time, as they saw it as a form of respite, and often told me how hard they found it. Mind you, a lot of them also loved to tell us all how well their son or daughter was doing, and how great their houses/ cars/ holidays were.

I don't have grandchildren yet, and neither of my children live close by, so I doubt I will be able to help out regularly, although I would be happy to do so if I could. What I would not do, however, is do it then moan to neighbours about it! If I felt it was too much, I would say so, and come to a mutually beneficial agreement with my son or daughter. I do find martyrs tiresome. People should either do or give things with good grace or not do them at all.

My MIL was as helpful as she could be when I went back to work after having my children. I was very grateful to be able to leave them with someone who loved them, and the bond between them is still there 30 years later. I would have been horrified to think that she was telling people how exhausted she was though - when it got too much for her she said so, and I got a nanny. No hard feelings, and the children still saw their grandmother on less onerous terms.

When my daughter was planning her family I said then that I will not be providing childcare, I wanted to have my grandchildren for outings and overnight stays when I wanted and was able to. I was fortunate in that they lived close by so I saw them often.

I looked after 2 of my GCs for around 11 years until they were teenage. I enjoyed looking after them but it was hard at times.

I gave up work after having my girls, partly because of DH working away, multiple animals and lack of any regular family help - I did regular voluntary work for a National Organization. My DM was disabled and DF looking after her, while my out-laws were just bl**dy awkward and couldn’t drive.

When DGS1 arrived and both his parents working odd shifts, I was only too happy to help out and he stayed most weekends for a couple of years, curtailed by Covid. Now, nearly 7, it’s just occasional babysitting and sleepovers here, if he wants to.
DH died before DGS2 was born, and while I’m not needed much as SinL2 is a sort of house husband, I’m only too happy to help if asked, as I’m 73 and want to help out for as long as I’m able. I often take Little Dog off their hands while they have their fortnightly cleaners, so that’s a help too.

I have never lived near enough to any grandparents to have the opportunity to use them for any childcare myself., and was totally responsible When I lived abroad , one of my first things I used to be concerned about, was to find where the nearest hospital and doctors were, to drive there to be sure I would know how, in an emergency , and have the details written out too. I am glad to say I never needed the emergency information but felt happier to have it available .Over the years I made friends and we helped each other out and made what arrangements fitted in with life. I think the grandparents helping on a regular basis can be a mixed bag. Sometimes job situations change and if there is a set period that someone has to work late or whatever , it is natural that the grandparents might be asked , or might offer , to help. But that is different to a long term commitment to help with the childcare. Then there are changes that happen over time, that can alter the situation . The amenable little child may become a very surly teenager, or the quiet child want to have loud music all the time. The grandparents may have the chance to go away at short notice or just find it gets more difficult to do. I used to be quite happy to have a rugby team descend unexpectedly, and could make a meal from scratch, or have all the family to lunch etc. But these days I couldnt do that and would not want to. If you appear to be pretty much as you have looked for the last 20 years , I dont think children realize that their parents are getting older. They remember you rushing round the park with the grandchildren and dont necessarily recognise when it becomes too much. It is easy to slide into a situation without it actually being talked through, so I think it is important that if grandparents are expected , or want, to help, that the adults talk about it properly. For instance, maybe there are rules at Granny s house that dont apply at home. My rule is no phones at the table, which is fine at my place but what if you look after them in their home? I think there are pro s and con s in all situations but to have time with your grandchildren alone can be very worthwhile and build up a special relationship. I still look back with much love and many happy memories of my own granny , who lived in the country, and some of my best memories in my life are being there. But it all has to be done with love and thought and not just seeing your parents as handy childminders , who cost nothing.

I have 9 grandchildren ranging in age from 9-27. I have looked after all of them in my time and saved their parents a large amount of money but I have been glad to have had the opportunity to do it. There can be a lovely bond between the generations. I often tell my sons and daughters that if I knew grandchildren were going to be so great I would have had them first! For me it's been a bonus but it is not one size fits all.

We only have one grandchild and she is grown up now. We helped a fair bit with her when she was a child. We enjoyed every minute of it. We never felt run ragged'. I would have adopted her if I could!

Shelflife

I have had GC for one day each week over many years . That has been lovely but enough for me . I suppose it depends on GPs age and health. However I am aware that many parents expect far too much from GPs. Having a pre school child 5 days a week is unacceptable IMO and I would not have done it!!
I have had my three children and always done my very best for them ...... but this is our time now , their children their responsibility.
When I do have GC in my care I am doing my children a favour, it is not the other way round!

My thoughts exactly. Some parents don’t realise how tiring it can be looking after children as a grandparent. If I were in that position I would say something as 5 days really is too much to ask for childcare.

If this is ‘exhausted’ it’s time she was honest and told the parents. Btw where is the other grandma ? When I was doing the school runs (shared with other GPs )for my daughter’s two children , my youngest son had his first baby. His wife wanted to go back to work after maternity leave and asked me to help. I said I would help but could not commit, bearing in mind, I was also working part-time. Occasional baby- sitting is all I could offer. I think they understood. Be honest, sit down ad explain the situation. Good luck

I have had GC for one day each week over many years . That has been lovely but enough for me . I suppose it depends on GPs age and health. However I am aware that many parents expect far too much from GPs. Having a pre school child 5 days a week is unacceptable IMO and I would not have done it!!
I have had my three children and always done my very best for them ...... but this is our time now , their children their responsibility.
When I do have GC in my care I am doing my children a favour, it is not the other way round!