I told off new mum

Nor mine.

Well done OP you’ve confirmed the stereotyped view so many people have of interfering old biddies .

May I add “Not in my name” ?

Wow! I’d have told you to myob my baby my birth my life

I attempt never 'telling others off' -- I'd assume she knew what was best for herself, old enough to have a baby and all that.

However, others do as they must. OP did what she felt was correct, not exactly the end of the world. Myself, I'd smile, nod at OP and do as I wished.

I remember needing new clothes for work when I could no longer get into my pre-pregnancy clothes and didn’t want to wear my maternity dresses. Also I needed a hat for the christening. I was lucky to be able to leave my son with my mum when I went shopping. Not everyone is so lucky.

Mind your own business.

I think what set the tone of this discussion was the title:

I told off new mum

... an unfortunate choice of words.

Without that, it might have followed a different trajectory.

Because I don't think you meant your 'telling-off' as unkindly as the title suggests.

Biscuitmuncher

Cossy she was in Zaras on a Saturday in Birmingham, does anyone bother reading the post or just start kicking

Apart from not reading one part of your original comment, I have read the whole post. I apologised for that mistake.

However, I still maintain that you shouldn't have commented like you did. She may have been having a bad day and just needed a break. She wasn't harming anyone and it may have been that trip out which helped her get through the day. Zara on a Saturday wouldn't ever be my choice, irrespective of having just given birth, but each to their own.

Fair play to her if she was up and out after 3 days! That's impressive, definitely deserves a treat at Zara hope she had a cake and coffee too!

I had lots of unwanted advice when I was out with my children when they were babies.
It was always from other women, but when OH took them out, none at all 😀

Sorry to hijack your thread but I had to compliment a young mother on on how nice it was to see her interactions with her young child instead of using a mobile.

True Calipso.

Everybody (and ^every body^) is unique.

Lovely posts that reflect the diversity of women's experiences: culture, upbringing, education, age and health status all play a part. There is no one 'right' way and we must respect that.

If a woman asks for advice then that is one thing, but it's completely another to openly judge all new mothers based on your own personal mantra that has no good evidence to support it.

Interesting Franbern. I was full of energy after my births too.

My expectation was that I was a well woman doing something my body was able to do though. I wonder if what you expect is the key here?

I never saw birth as an illness and didn't expect it to be problematic after. I just assumed I would be fit and well.

Four pregnancies, resulting in five gorgeous babies. Throughout all these I was perpetually exhausted, would fall asleep every time I sat down and really had to have a good couple of hours sleep each afternoon.

However, virtually as soon as baby(ies) born, I was full of energy, it was almost as if all that sleep over the previous eight or nine months were in a reservoir for me. That energy lasted for about the first six to eight months.

On the reverse, my Sister-in-law had wonderful pregnancies, looked brilliant and sparkling throughout, and was full of energy. However, after the births, she was totally exhausted for most of the first year.

M0nica I don't think it's the length of labour that is the thing. I don't know what it is - and haven't read any papers on it - but I have been bouncy and full of energy after all my (very long) births.
We did all sleep for hours in the late afternoon after baby 3 - including the 2 older siblings - but after that it was all go.

I think something else is going on to do with our body chemistry.

It all depends. I was exhausted after I had my first child, as a fresh as a daisy after I had the second.

Of course, with two children, there were times of exhaustion, but second time round my labour was so short and easy, and DD slept so much that in the immediate aftermath of the event, I was well rested, well slept and ready to move mountains.

They don’t all have the support needed to enable them to rest - and the days of ‘lying in’ are long gone (thank goodness, because it wasn’t healthy). It is not your mission in life to ensure that all new mothers have what you think is the right amount of rest, so keep your nose out of their business.

Steelygran I think young mums don't rest enough, thank you for your kind words

She probably just thought you were being kind enough to think about her and how tired she might be feeling. It used to give me a boost when people stopped me in the street to admire my newborn son. With my friends and relatives, everything was about the baby, which is understandable really, but your own needs as a new mum are sometimes overlooked. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed after my son was born that if Biscuitmuncher had said that to me I'd most likely have wept on her shoulder.

If she even needed a reason!

Biscuitmuncher I would think 90% of us have read the whole thread - and still think you were out of order.

And you don't know why she was there I assume?

Maybe she had a good reason to be there - needed something to wear somewhere which wasn’t maternity clothes and her pre-baby stuff no longer fitted. Maybe she wanted to feel normal again. Maybe there was nobody she could ask to look after the baby. Whatever her reason for being there, it’s not anyone else’s business and no matter how gentle you thought the telling off was, she may well not have seen it that way. Perhaps you didn’t have post-natal depression - I did, and perhaps she did. I would have felt deeply hurt by a stranger suggesting I shouldn’t be out with my baby. In future, keep your thoughts to yourself.

Cossy she was in Zaras on a Saturday in Birmingham, does anyone bother reading the post or just start kicking

petra

Well that went well, didn’t it 😂

😂😂😂😂😂