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Are you too scared to post what you really think?

(437 Posts)
Whethertomorrow Wed 12-Jun-24 14:52:30

Just that basically.

There’s been a few times that I’ve wanted to post something that I don’t think is provoking or malicious or offensive, but I’m really too scared to do so, just in case someone takes offence.

I never really thought that I would be too scared to say what I thought but I think it is now the reality of life in these days of everyone taking offence at the slightest thing.

Joseann Fri 14-Jun-24 06:54:41

Interesting.
I think sometimes the real truth is so very hard to find, so unless posters have indepth knowledge on a specific topic, (and many do), we are all just dragging facts from Google or from supposedly reliable sources. And each of us will choose the facts or figures to suit our purpose! That's how it works.

fancythat Thu 13-Jun-24 18:46:53

If you mean what I think you mean, I dont take much or no notice of that, personally.
I am a Christian. I would be doomed anyway.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jun-24 17:32:27

Yes, we are.

dalrymple23 Thu 13-Jun-24 16:58:34

Me too! GSM & Sky. It is not necessarily language but being controlled by the thought police. And we are being controlled by them aren't we? That is scary. Orwellian.

Norah Thu 13-Jun-24 14:22:12

Doodledog

I agree that it's often possible to spot the opinionated when they come back under a different guise. Unless someone has lost a password or something, it is usually the more . . . contentious posters who reinvent themselves.

I think that when people disagree about something like political view, the chances are that there will be a few flashpoints, so it can look as though comments might be vexatious when it's really just that world views differ. The same applies to particular communication styles, which probably equate to personality types - some people just don't get on.

I am often surprised when people say 'I know we don't usually agree but thanks for your support. . .' I don't care if I agree with someone about one thing - if I do agree on another, I will say so. There are people whose views seem to be broadly in step with mine, but I don't think there is anyone with whose posts I will always concur either, and I will say so then, too. It's never personal. I hope they won't mind me naming them, but i have very different political views from GSM and Norah, but there are many things on which we agree, and that seems to be a two-way street. We can agree on one thread and disagree on another without it mattering.

I suppose I might read more carefully if someone who is usually 'nice' (ie agrees with me grin) posts something that looks at first glance to be unpleasant, and I'm less likely to react in the same way than I would to someone who is often 'horrible'. It's confirmation bias, but also human nature, I think, and probably most people do the same.

I do tend to remember regular posters, and often I remember what they've said before if it's struck me as interesting in some way. There are threads/forums I avoid, eg Estrangement and the RF, as I have no experience of the former and wouldn't want to risk causing hurt by being tactless, and I don't care enough about the latter to argue about it. I usually use Active Topics though, so sometimes I don't realise in which forum a thread was posted, so have commented by mistake then scurried away when I realise what I've done grin.

Indeed, we have polar opposite political views and, I add, sahp views - however I truly value reading your posts as I usually am forced to think.

M0nica Thu 13-Jun-24 14:16:22

i count myself among the opinionated. I have changed my name only once - and that was many years ago when someone I know personally away from GN sussed who I was. I went mute for a month or two and returned with a new name. Most people on GN quickly realised who it was had returned, which was fine and it dealt with the separate problem I had.

I find that thee are some people I seem to constantly disagree with, but even then, when they say something I agree with I will acknowledge it.

maddyone Thu 13-Jun-24 14:14:07

As usual, a very balanced post from Doodledog.

Doodledog Thu 13-Jun-24 14:11:44

I agree that it's often possible to spot the opinionated when they come back under a different guise. Unless someone has lost a password or something, it is usually the more . . . contentious posters who reinvent themselves.

I think that when people disagree about something like political view, the chances are that there will be a few flashpoints, so it can look as though comments might be vexatious when it's really just that world views differ. The same applies to particular communication styles, which probably equate to personality types - some people just don't get on.

I am often surprised when people say 'I know we don't usually agree but thanks for your support. . .' I don't care if I agree with someone about one thing - if I do agree on another, I will say so. There are people whose views seem to be broadly in step with mine, but I don't think there is anyone with whose posts I will always concur either, and I will say so then, too. It's never personal. I hope they won't mind me naming them, but i have very different political views from GSM and Norah, but there are many things on which we agree, and that seems to be a two-way street. We can agree on one thread and disagree on another without it mattering.

I suppose I might read more carefully if someone who is usually 'nice' (ie agrees with me grin) posts something that looks at first glance to be unpleasant, and I'm less likely to react in the same way than I would to someone who is often 'horrible'. It's confirmation bias, but also human nature, I think, and probably most people do the same.

I do tend to remember regular posters, and often I remember what they've said before if it's struck me as interesting in some way. There are threads/forums I avoid, eg Estrangement and the RF, as I have no experience of the former and wouldn't want to risk causing hurt by being tactless, and I don't care enough about the latter to argue about it. I usually use Active Topics though, so sometimes I don't realise in which forum a thread was posted, so have commented by mistake then scurried away when I realise what I've done grin.

nanna8 Thu 13-Jun-24 13:25:04

The thing is,the ones who change their names don’t realise that it is blaringly obvious who they are. They can change their names as much as they like but sooner or later their style gives them away. No matter how hard they try ! Wonderful things( not) VPN s.

Mollygo Thu 13-Jun-24 12:36:33

I’ve been followed and criticised by some very opinionated people using the disguise of changing names. It used to bother me, but it’s their problem not mine.

NotSpaghetti Thu 13-Jun-24 12:36:01

I promise you, the only thing I'm expert on is ME!
... and my family might even question that!
grin

Tizliz Thu 13-Jun-24 12:31:08

Dickens - thanks

Dickens Thu 13-Jun-24 12:25:30

Tizliz

I am afraid to post sometimes in case it shows my ignorance or lack of understanding. Some posts seem to be written in a form of shorthand which I don’t understand but am afraid to ask for clarification as I might understand less!

None of us are experts on everything. I'm not even an expert on anything, and that's not a humble-brag, I've studied none of the subjects I hold forth on, and am in awe of those who have.

On the whole, if you ask someone to explain their 'shorthand' they are more than willing and will often give you links so you can work it all out for yourself in your own time. I do actually follow links and have learned quite a bit from them.

Just dive in, I'm sure your opinion is as valid as anyone else's. Sometimes those who think they are unenlightened are quite the opposite.

Tizliz Thu 13-Jun-24 11:59:18

I am afraid to post sometimes in case it shows my ignorance or lack of understanding. Some posts seem to be written in a form of shorthand which I don’t understand but am afraid to ask for clarification as I might understand less!

Glorianny Thu 13-Jun-24 11:52:35

I have been followed onto other threads, called some pretty awful things and generally rubbished because I disagree with some very opinionated people. It doesn't stop me posting. I don't report things. If people feel they have to make something personal it just shows how inadequate their argument is.

There are people I'm happy to have discussions with because they are reasonable and have valid arguments. There are others I just avoid because they would disagree just because I said something. So I suppose I do sometimes not post things, not because I'm scared, but because it's boring to be perpetually put in the wrong. I did it to people when I was a teenager. I've grown out of it.

JenniferEccles Thu 13-Jun-24 11:43:30

The trouble is posters can and do disappear and then come back with a new name.
Sometimes it’s easy to identify them by their style of writing, but not always.

I often wonder if that has happened when a new name appears, allegedly a new member, who then wades in in an argumentative tone, rather than kind of feeling their way.

maddyone Thu 13-Jun-24 11:42:46

Unfortunately there are the odd posters who stalk other posters. They stalk the ones they disagree with and sometimes reading their posts, anyone would think they hate the poster they’re responding to. One poster regularly uses sarcastic questions to posters she disagrees with. I often think that if they’re like that on here, what on earth are they like in real life?

annsixty Thu 13-Jun-24 11:41:12

When I first joined,many years ago, I posted a comment and inadvertently missed out a comma, which made my comment seem confusing.
Think, Eats shoots and leaves.
I got the most arrogant, put down from one poster and didn’t post for weeks.
I never saw her post anything again and believe me I checked every day.
It knocked my confidence greatly.
I have grown several more thick skins since then .

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jun-24 11:35:18

Possibly, Joseann. It was very upsetting and almost as though she stalked me.

twinnytwin Thu 13-Jun-24 11:24:56

My first post a few years ago on News and Politics was very rudely attacked by one person - I was new to GN and the response really shocked me. As time went on, I noticed she did similar to everyone that disagreed with her. So yes, I'm scared. I now rarely post and then I reread and preview carefully - even if it's about my sewing!

Joseann Thu 13-Jun-24 11:06:43

Germanshepherdsmum

One particularly nasty poster has disappeared. I suspect banned. She tended to make a beeline for me for some reason and it was very unpleasant.

My post meant to include the above quote.

Joseann Thu 13-Jun-24 11:05:57

I'm not sure if you're referring to the same poster, but I nearly had an anaphylactic shock I was stung so often each day!! 🐝 🐝 🐝 Horrible, and cruel!

Theexwife Thu 13-Jun-24 10:58:48

I am not scared, there are no real consequences to bad behaviour, those that are banned come back with a new ID.

I am not as harsh as I would like to be incase someone becomes genuinely upset.

AGAA4 Thu 13-Jun-24 10:42:39

When I joined Gransnet about six years ago I ventured onto the news and politics thread. I gave my view and was attacked by several posters who were out to demean me. I wondered whether all GNs were like this and did I want to engage with them. Another poster came to my rescue and they all backed off.
I have to say that all those posters have now left.
One of the benefits of Gransnet is that it has made me tougher!

Dickens Thu 13-Jun-24 10:18:22

Germanshepherdsmum

One particularly nasty poster has disappeared. I suspect banned. She tended to make a beeline for me for some reason and it was very unpleasant.

Oh yes, I remember that.

You were the favourite 'flower' of this busy little bee!

Most unpleasant.