Are you too scared to post what you really think?

PoorJenny

I have been reading many of the comments on Gransnet before I decided to join and I must say that in many cases it does make you think twice about replying to comments that have been made on the forums because of a few people who take great pleasure in being harsh and critical when replying to someones comments for no reason whatsoever, therefore I have decided to totally ignore these people. I have written their usernames on a list and have decided to never read their comments.

If they have nothing positive to say then they should say nothing, people on the forums need support or answers without these people giving nasty replies.

The problem is; how do you define a nasty reply? We have people starting threads, essentially asking us to support or endorse truly selfish and self centred behaviour. A lot of the threads are AIBU threads. (Am I being unreasonable) and sometimes the answer will be 'Yes, you are being unreasonable' followed by the reason that person thinks that' Is that a nasty reply?

GN is a discussion forum and as with any discussion posters must accept that at times other people will not agree with then - and tell them so, but to do so is not nasty. It is how you disagree that defines whether a reply is nasty or not.

The ones who are funny, quick-witted, kind, helpful, interesting, practical, generous, sympathetic etc. etc.

maddyone

On the other hand, there are some lovely posters I’d love to know in real life.

Most definitely.

maddyone

Monica I think we always remember those who attack us personally.

Absolutely.

I have been reading many of the comments on Gransnet before I decided to join and I must say that in many cases it does make you think twice about replying to comments that have been made on the forums because of a few people who take great pleasure in being harsh and critical when replying to someones comments for no reason whatsoever, therefore I have decided to totally ignore these people. I have written their usernames on a list and have decided to never read their comments.

If they have nothing positive to say then they should say nothing, people on the forums need support or answers without these people giving nasty replies.

I’m sorry that you experienced that Monica because it is deeply unpleasant. I think that’s why some posters won’t post their full views, or post at all on contentious threads.

maddyone I am not sure. I think people have laid into me before, but I have forgotten one. This one has stuck because it was very personal and based on my responses to another quite old thread so that I got the impression that they had been researching my past threads to find some quite irrelevant personal information that they could adapt to their purposes.

It struck me as a completely OTT response by someone who had clearly taken a deep personal dislike of me.

I haven't lost any sleep over it. It was just that, in all the years I have been on GN. I have never known anyone go to such lengths to abuse someone.

Monica I think we always remember those who attack us personally.

Someone indulged in personal invective on a thread I started recently. I just ignored it, but remember who it was and think very much the less of them for it.

On the other hand, there are some lovely posters I’d love to know in real life.

I’ve seen many posts over the years that I believe were nasty towards others. Sometimes I will report it if I think it bad enough and personally attacking the poster, but if I’m attacked, I don’t usually do anything (except that time I was bullied) as I think let it stand so others can see.
Bad things have been said to me, simply because I have expressed a different view. Argument yes, personal attacks should be a no. But they’re not for some posters on this site. I’m glad I don’t know them in real life.

I quite agree, GSM. I will speak up when I see unpleasantness like that, as do others. I just get a bit twitchy when things are referred to vaguely, as before long there are numerous posts with people speaking in code and others (like me ) wondering if I am being accused of something.

I well remember an instance when you stood up for me Doodledog, when I was accused of being a transphobic bigot. Expressing your views or disagreeing with the views of others is one thing, personal insults something else altogether.

I've not been in GN that long, but it seems to me the election has made a difference, feelings run high?

Over the years I've been on Gransnet I have seen bullying several times. There is a difference between strong disagreement and bullying. Personal attack is always bullying imo.
'Pile ons' are bullying too. However bad a post has been it doesn't take ten people to call it out.

I'm pleased that it was called out (in both cases) and that the culprits were challenged.

There's not much more that can be done, but it's up to all of us to do as you did and nip any unpleasantness in the bud. I agree that sometimes passive aggressive posts can slip under the radar if people aren't aware of the full context, though.

Maddyone so true ‘this site is not as pleasant as it use to be’

It happened last week.

I have been cyber bullied on this site. It was a few months ago. Another poster called it out. I reported the bullying and HQs said they they had a word with the poster. That poster went quiet for a bit.
Sometimes the bullying and nastiness is more low key, so difficult to do much, but the inference is clear.

I did call it out Doodledog and was attacked myself in return. Anyway I also reported the post and it was removed so it wasn’t only me who saw as highly unacceptable. I didn’t report the return fire against myself.

I think that people should call out what they see as bullying when it happens, rather than reference it vaguely much later. I know we don't always know that someone is going to leave until it is too late, but if people commented at the time of the incident everyone would see what was going on, and decide whether it is actual bullying or just a difference of views, and we wouldn't be in the realms of 'Some People. . .'.

We often hear of lurkers who are 'too scared' to post in case people disagree with them. Maybe people leave for the same reason, which is a shame - but unless we want every thread to be made up of agreement and smiles, people have to expect that disagreement will happen at times.

maddie and GSM - neither of you are afraid to express your own views, nor to disagree with others' politics, so it's hardly fair to suggest that others doing likewise is bullying. If you are referring to something more extreme than disagreement, why not say what it was?

I know of one who left because of the views expressed against Conservatives.

I know of posters who have left because of a lack of tolerance towards views that they don’t share. I certainly see a lack of tolerance on this site, and it saddens me. Some posters are so sure that their world view is correct they actually bully others. This site is not as pleasant as it used to be.

Too scared to post that the manager is rubbish and should have taken Grealish.

Too scared to post that Foden was rubbish

Plenty of people, on various threads, have said they intend to vote Reform. I don’t think any of them have been hounded off the site.