When is a budget wedding not a budget wedding?

Having only one child married. All I can say is that it was a community wedding, church wedding, village hall reception, photgraphy and much else were wedding presents.

Just realised saying only one of my four married children had an expensive/luxury wedding sounds odd. I was really just agreeing with M0nica saying it's only some people who spend a huge amount.
One out of four I'm my family!

True M0nica - only one of my four married children had an expensive/luxury wedding.
Also, none of mine called their weddings "budget" - though all four (even the fanciest one) did have a budget...
I think all would have been cross with the idea that they were "budget" weddings to be honest.

None expected the bridesmaids to buy their dresses.

But madeleine It is only some people who spend a huge amount on a wedding. There are still plenty of people having small quieter home made weddings like that do not have to be sold to or marketted to so don't hit the headlines.

I suppose the thing is, madeleine, lots of people are now married after buying and furnishing a home. Many even have children. They may have different spending priorities but, I hope, people marry when they have found someone they believe they want to spend their life with

My son and partner married last autumn and had an enormous "do" - they had bought their first house together eight years before.

Their day was just as memorable as the one my daughters and my other son had. Each of these four weddings had different budgets but all were memorable and important.

I cringe at the amount of money people spend on a wedding these days, especially as it seems more about show and getting things than about the special moment and joy of the actual occasion. As a yorkshire woman I also think to myself how much that amount of money could help them set up home etc. My first husband died and I later met and married my second husband and remember the wedding with great happiness and a lovely old fashioned day which everyone remembers and loved. My parents came to the wedding and also stayed and looked after my son while we had 4 days away at a small place outside Ludlow. We were members of the local methodist church and so there were no cars,people walked to the church. I had bought a lovely turquoise suit in the january sales and had not worn it, so that was my outfit with dark blue shoes, a lovely dark blue fascinator, carrying flowers from my own and a friends garden. My father walked me round to the church and the lovely neighbours all came out and clapped as we went by. I am a singer and have sung solo and in choirs and all my family sing too. So we had people from 3 different choirs etc, our lovely minister married us, and of course the music was wonderful, with of course J S Bach played by my friend the organist. After the ceremony we invited all our friends to have champagne and cake with us so that as many people as possible could come. It was held in our house and was a lovely time with much singing and reminising. Then we drove off for our little honeymoon and bought a lovely painting of Ludlow when we were there to remind us of our honeymoon and it is still hanging up here, reminding me of our happy lives together as I am now a widow. Financially we did not have a lot of money, but we always tried to pay at the time and not have debts, so we had no big bill outstanding before or after the wedding and paid our way. Our money was saved and we furnished our home over time with secondhand and sales things, and filled our place with things that we loved and enjoyed.

Years ago I did run a Restaurant and did lots of weddings, the nicest was a young couple paying themselves, very relaxed, cost £20 a head back in the day.
The worst I remember well, the brides mother (Hyacinth Bucket) wanted everything perfect, lots of extras to put the cost up. The groom turned up late having spent the night in casualty after a fight at the stag night they cleaned him up as best they could but it was awful.

Not the best start to a marriage

It may happen in other countries but I have certainly not heard of it in UK. So okay, they contribute in some way to their frocks etc. But asking them to then serve guests and tidy up afterwards is a real cheek. How much would it cost to bring in a couple of waitresses. Not that much I think.

*waste

DD1 married her partner of 11 years in Italy, with about 20 family and friends there. Glorious, probably expensive (I didn’t pay). Two years later they’d had a baby, and divorced the following year.

DD2 marries next year, partner of 7 years and they have two children. Again I’m not paying and have no say, but I think it’s insane. She refused to consider a pre-owned or hired dress. To expect people to pay for a summer holiday abroad at a time and location they may not ordinarily have chosen strikes me as utterly unreasonable. I don’t want to go abroad at all but I doubt she’ll ever forgive me. Even going just for three days, with two nights in the cheapest accommodation, is a ridiculous and totally unjustifiable waster of money IMO.

Friends’ daughter marrying after a long time together did local registry office and a pub lunch, perfect.

My son got married 2 years ago. They had been together for a while and had a little boy. They got married in registry office and only had family about 20 of us. D in l bought a dress on line about £40 I think. Son wore his kilt. After ceremony we went for a coffee while they had photos taken then we all met up at a restaurant. Dh and I paid for meal as a wedding present. It was a lovely day and not expensive.

Gosh, glad I do not live in Australia. Most of the weddings I have been to, in my generation and my children's generation, have been modest ones.

It is not unusual here for brides to spend $80,000- $100,000 on a wedding and reception. Personally I would rather have a deposit on a house. Not many have quiet weddings the first time around,though.

Except that many of these big weddings are the start of quite short marrigaes, so the photographer's contribution may end up in the rubbish bin after only a few years.

Nell8

My sons' weddings were very different. One cost £2000 and the other umpteen times more. Both were wonderful in their different ways. I just wish the budgetters had splashed out on a professional photographer rather than depend on a mate!

I recently read an article by a wedding planner who stated that when economising it is better to cut out the fancy cars (only seen briefly) than skimp on photographer, as he pointed out those photos will have to be a forever memory so had best be good.

I am always a bit puzzled when couples who have been together for some years and have children together say they ‘can’t afford’ to get married. They really mean they think they have to have an expensive do to impress everyone. It’s ridiculous. If you are committed to your partner and want it to be permanent just have a small wedding and maybe in the future, on a big anniversary, push the boat out if you can afford to.

That is not a budget wedding by my standards, it's a nirmal these days of let's have big show but not pay for it, get itgers to do a lot of the work. Not organising and paying for transport from ceremony to reception for bridesmaids is appalling never mind all the rest others are expected to do. Think I'd be saying Thank You, but No Thank You to the bride.

My son is getting married this summer. They are both very laid back and want to do it fairly cheaply. They don't have to do this but decided it is iniquitous to spend a fortune on one day. They plan to self cater! I am not delighted at this!! They have asked friends to bring desserts rather than presents. They finally agreed a few of my friends could help in the kitchen thankfully. I think we will be in for a busy time beforehand and on the evening!

Bumface

Theexwife

Maybe your daughter should not be involved in the wedding if she can be so negative about her friend behind her back, nobody has to do the brides bidding.

Budget is relative, £10,000 is a lot to some nothing to others.

Do I detect the fluttering of a Harpy's wings, again.

I think you are missing the point. My daughter is not snarking behind the bride's back. She has not mentioned this to anyone apart from me and I think she is entitled to vent to her mother as the bride's behaviour is upsetting her.
The point, that I obviously failed to make, was that large amounts of money are being spent in some areas of the wedding but the bridesmaids are are expected not only provide their own dresses etc. but also stand in as unpaid staff. If this really were a budget wedding the bride would not be splashing so much cash on various other things.

Bum face ,
I think it is totally outrageous that it has been deemed a ‘ budget Wedding’ the budget part is for the bride only obviously!
If the Groom is paying for his Groomsmen & the Bridesmaiids for themselves ,that’s a bit awry for a start .
However, I do not think it is out of order to ask the Bridesmaids to pay or contribute for their own dresses in this day & age when money is tight , in which case it would be fitting for the Bride or Bridezilla in this case to treat them to hair & makeup .
What are the food arrangements then , that they would be expected to “serve” ?
I can understand also everyone pitching in if the couple in question were pushed for funds and had other things going on .
It sounds like this day may not be the one the bride was hoping for as resentment may set in 🤔

soos45

My son got married last year. The French family provided and set up all the decor for the wedding and the reception and the UK guests did all the tidying up the next morning. We worked together and it wasn’t a “has to” …..and we all had a fabulous time at a not-over-the -top wedding in France.

❤️ sounds like an ideal family scenario & joining of two families

Nell8

My sons' weddings were very different. One cost £2000 and the other umpteen times more. Both were wonderful in their different ways. I just wish the budgetters had splashed out on a professional photographer rather than depend on a mate!

Nell8
That is the one thing that I wish I had spent money on , a photographer!
Which if you knew me is absolutely absurd that I didn’t as I am the one who is the ‘unofficial photographer’ at any & every event .
We gave my expensive camera to a very good friend who took one or two group photos then left it in the boot of the car 🚗 😭

If I was asked to do all that as bridesmaid would tell the Bride no. She could suit herself and certainly I wouldn't be paying for their honeymoon , what a friend, she doesn’t sound a nice person.

Baked

Run child run. Run away and don't worry about some misplaced loyalty. You won't be thanked either way.

Yup. This. If the bridesmaids stick together, there's not much that the bride can do about it...
Or they could view it as their present to the happy couple....🤔

It's sad that wedding have become spectacles and the love aspect is rather shy. Some of the nicest weddings and more importantly fun have been Greek weddings in our humble church hall. They went on till the wee hours of the morning. Ouzo flowed and so did food and the band played on. The wedding I have been to lately have been expensive but just not that much fun. You could hold a wedding at my church hall, food, band, etc etc for less that 15k u.s. dollars. In the U.S. that's a budget wedding. As far as this gal is concerned, for sure she is out of line and not being a well mannered bride, in my humble opinion.

I'm now 69, been married twice. First time in mid-70s to a boy from my church in Georgia, US. Large, traditional, not overly extravagant wedding, but it was a small-town "To Do." The marriage lasted 29 years until he had trouble keeping his zipper up. Married a second time when I was 53. Found a restaurant in a large, turn-of-the-century home, closed on Saturdays at lunch. We had 4 kids & 4 grans at the time. We fit the time in between all of their schedules, got married at lunch on the porch, showed up at 11, had a delicious meal, wore a cute dress, and on the road to the beach by 2. Best wedding ever.