Step son trashing me with family over babysitting

I wouldn’t have moved like the other grandparents…. by moving nearer you gave off the feeling of an intention to help

You’ve been honest and open with them. You’re not the bad guy. Sit down with them both, with your husband present and explain what you can and cannot do.

The problem is you don’t know in advance how it’s going to work out, sorry it’s not great for you at present. My wife is not especially “child friendly” we don’t have GC overnight and only babysit infrequently. Second marriages are often quite tense with step children, don’t stress yourself, you just have make the best of it, even if it means little contact.

Thank you, but I don't feel anything should be assumed, it should be discussed,

What is your husband doing while you are the bad guy?

Thank you all for your comments, I appreciate you all. I have sat with all of them, to no avail. Husband wants no friction, and they just pretend.

I have thrown my hands up! I think what troubles me the most is the gossip with everyone about it. Makes we wonder if I made a mistake getting married. I am not throwing in the towel just highly disappointed.

We have a 10 year anniversary tomorrow.

Husband does not like friction so he takes a back seat, when I talked to the son in front of him he added some things and did take my side, However he is not one to make an issue of things.

"Husband wants no friction, and they just pretend."

Your husband is a coward, he doesn't even defend you from his son!

Drop the rope.

Stop hosting, stop socializing, initiating anything.

I would move back, and send coward husband to marital therapy

He is disappointed with his son's behavior.

Please don't excuse his behaviour and enable him

You deserve better

No, you are not to blame. You were straight and honest. Looking after kiddies can be exhausting however much we love them. I was in a similar position as you, when my youngest son had his first boy. I was already committed to my older daughter’s children , plus I was working part-time. So my offer was, baby-sitting if they wanted to have a night out, but no regular child-minder. They were not too happy but accepted it. I also must add that they were financially very well-off, and could afford to pay for a Nanny. D.I.l’s parents were also available. My daughter couldn’t.

My Father remarried and it caused a lot of problems with my brother for no real reason. I did maintain contact and made the effort to be nice to dad’s new wife, brother was just no contact.
In the end the marriage didn’t last and normality returned.

My Father remarried and it caused a lot of problems with my brother for no real reason. I did maintain contact and made the effort to be nice to dad’s new wife, brother was just no contact.
In the end the marriage didn’t last and normality returned.

Why doesn't your husband babysit? especially as he doesn't work.. just ignore the gossip it's pathetic and unjustified

Thank you all.

My husband had been divorced for years before I met him. I don't have a problem with the son other than he gossips about actually us because of the babysitting issue.

I am very good to him and his kids. We have a great time when we are together.

I did confront him, he knows clearly my stance. I am good to all of them a great wife and I do not deserve this behavior and I told him as much.

He does not treat me nasty at all when we see each other its very pleasant.

Its just the gossip that kills me.

Actually he was complaining that his wife is talking about him to her new boyfriend. I took that opportunity to let him know that I know he is talking about me to his family and friends. I knew at that moment he would understand how that feels.

I also told him I don't appreciate being compared to other people. I am who I am and just like I accept him as he is then he also needs to accept me. He is not perfect, believe me he falls short in many areas.

People need to take an inventory about themselves instead of passing judgement on others.

I've told' my husband to babysit, he's not that into that idea either!

We have both worked very hard in our lives. We want peace and quiet. We've done our time, it's time for the parents to stip up. They created the children without anyone's permission they need to take care of the choices they made.

I have no problem babysitting if there are emergencies or for a date night planned in advance. I look forward to my weekends after working all week.

He has the kids every other weekend, he has a job that only requires nights. and only on the weekends he does not have the kids. I'm not seeing why he needs a babysitter. He has plenty of time to himself.

You are not the bad guy here. One question though - how do you know he is gossiping about you to the family? They may be stirring things up to be worse than they actually are ...

Tell your stepson that 'trashing' you to family or anyone else for that matter has no affect on you Yoyhere. You've made your decision and you're sticking to it.

OurKid1

I noticed being treated differently after being with him. I was actually confronted by his Aunt who was visiting and a new cousin I had never met until that time. They were talking on his behalf.

This Aunt then went on to trash us both to our family where she lives NJ.

Its gotten back to me by Mother In Law, oldest sister in law and Mr. Gossip himself had to admit it once confronted.

65 years old you can sense things more clearly. I tossed my rose colored glasses years ago, I can see clearly now.

Amen, I am sticking to it. Shame on them.

They're out of order. You're working and not the direct parent/
grandparent. Why is your step sons father not stepping up?

You are quite right to give what help with the children that you choose. It is totally your decision. You are actually being much nicer than I would be, by hosting them all to meals and days together. I don't think he deserves that because of the way he is talking about you behind your back. He needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions, and personally I would tell him that if he does not put the relatives straight that he would not be welcome in my home.

I don't understand. Don't you live with your stepson's father? If so why isn't it regarded as him babysitting his grandchildren if you feel too tired for it? He's not working, you are. Gender role stereotypes annoy me. You don't have to assume you're the babysitter just because you're the female partner.