Retired. What 'should' I be doing? Who says so?

I feel the same. My DH feels the opposite and that he should always be busy. We are all different! I spent my working life doing a job which was ok, but not a career. We needed the money. Now, I potter, do a little voluntary work and swim regularly. I enjoy my garden, which is small and mostly just grass and flowers in pots. Do what you feel suits you and don’t feel guilty! Life’s too short and you never know what is round the corner! Take care.

It takes some time to 'unlearn' the way we've lived for 40+ years.

Our lives since retirement have slowly evolved into a different lifestyle that doesn't include the need to be doing something every minute. Unless by doing we mean watching the birds feed or playing scrabble sitting in the sunshine.

We've both been retired for a few years and it was only a few weeks ago that it suddenly dawned on that we don't have a 'weekend' anymore. Saturday was a day for going out.

Now we've made Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday our weekend, when we plan any major excursions, shopping, etc. when there are lots less people about. Saturdays and Sundays we often stay at home unless we are meeting people/doing things that can't be arranged during the week.

Time spent just doing what you want, or nothing but sitting reading or enjoying the garden, is not time wasted after a lifetime of work.

I don't feel guilty about spending my time however I want. I retired 12 years ago but carried on looking after GCs till I was 72. Some days I just potter, go for walks, read and rest. Other days I am busier but it's all on my own terms.
I feel after a lifetime of busyness that I deserve to go at a slower pace now.

I understand the way thOP feels as do many others. We are fed Info via social media which tells us to be busy, busy all the time.
Years ago retirement just that, now we are made to feel we need a whole new life dashing here and there!!

We are all made differently. Some people I know who are retired do three events a day, others travel to far flung places, some stay at home and potter and others are heavily involved with their families. For me, it is what floats your boat. Everything has meaning so enjoy most of all what you like doing. We have all spent a lifetime looking after and dealing with others and all sorts of issues, perhaps we have earnt 'our time' now.

I think we were programmed from being young that we always had to be busy. Mainly women as well. I still feel guilty if I sit down to read a chapter or two during the day. My husband can't understand it and gets quite exasperated when I don't take a break. I agree with Tuaim no right or wrong just do what you enjoy, you have earned it.

I've got a wee routine of cat litter ,cats fed,floors swept and steamed,beds made and make soup or do some baking .Once thats done I'll happily do little maybe weeding or clearing out a drawer .Theres nothing I need to do its just I like to be busy...ish.My OH is always on the go he cant say no to anyone who asks for help with gardens or kitchens or anything ,I threaten to put velcro on the bum of his jeans so he'll sit still for an hour .I f it works I'll report back .

When I first retired I felt a bit as you do, PollyJ - feeling guilty if I sat for too long, or didn’t accomplish all my daily targets. I think, in part, it was due to the fact that I stopped working at a slightly younger age than I had planned, for reasons I won’t go into here (and I’d always worked extremely hard). This meant I occasionally got jibes from some family members asking me if I was bored by no longer working full time, and frequently hearing comments from them along the lines of “Oh, I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I stopped working”, “Oh, I’d be bored if I stayed at home all day”, etc, etc.

This used to upset me, and make me feel guilty, but I gave myself a good talking to, realised that they were not in my shoes and also it was something both I and my OH had agreed upon, so basically, it had nothing whatsoever to do with them.

Now, I’m much more settled and happy in myself. The guilt has gone (interestingly, so have the jibes now some of them have had to retire), and I decide each day what I’m going to do.

As you say, you’ve worked your whole life. This time is your time, to do with as you please, and if some days you have done very little, it doesn’t matter. Equally, if you’ve done a lot, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is the feeling of guilt, which you must try hard to push away, as you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

I wish you many years of happy retirement.

I think the main thing is unpicking the 'shoulds'. Is it coming only from you, or are other contributing?
If it's only you, then what makes you feel good? If you feel better for getting out and doing stuff, then do, if not, don't!
If it's others, then mostly forget them, but truly, if you enjoy seeing friends and perhaps working alongside them, then do.
Sometimes major health issues upset our equilibrium and we need to find it again.

Reading is doing something!

It is exactly a year since I left work. I had lists of what I should be doing with
family
health
social life
community work
personal development etc etc

A year later I'm begining to relax and realising that I have time! I don't need to set an alarm (though I did today) I don't need to go swimming or walking, seeing friends, helping out, writing my memoirs because I cans till do them tomorrow, or the next day, or next month, or whatever.

All my life I've been panicked into getting as much done today because somehow, at some point in the future, I won't be able to.

Where did this sort of thinking come from all my life?

Grandma70s

Reading is doing something!

Never looked at it like that Grandma70s you are right, back to my book now..

Nothing wrong with making lists of things to do. I still make lists. There are things I need to do - like getting something fixed in the house or car - and there are things I want to do, like taking a trip or doing a hobby.

The difference now is that I can plan to do things from my lists when it suits me, not when I can get the time off work/haven't got children around/ haven't got more important things to do. And if I want to do nothing, I can.

You sound like your own worst enemy! Try living in the moment ……enjoying each day …so teach yourself to accept the status quo that your life has shifted to the next phase.

You’re missing out big time on the gift you’ve been given of the absolute joy of pleasing yourself ……and do be careful you don’t build anxiety into your days by dwelling on what you refer to as ‘your guilty thoughts’ …..so beware….anxiety can often a first indicator of the beginnings of dementia.

I’ll be shot down in flames for saying this but I never used to feel “guilty” about doing as little (or as much) as I chose once I was only responsible for myself after DH’s death until I started reading Gransnet.
All those women single handedly landscaping their gardens, working 5 days a week in a charity shop or alternatively providing wall to wall childcare (or complaining if they are not allowed to)
There’s daily baking, jam or marmalade making, decluttering and raiding charity shops (surely these cancel each other out?)
There’s running committees, coffee, lunch and tea with friends or daughters, craft work, greetings cards or patchwork , knitting and unpicking jumpers to knit them up as something else. I gather this is called “frogging” - every days a school day on GN.
And there’s housework .”Bottoming”, death cleaning, spring summer autumn and winter cleaning.
Say no more.
Anyway, tired now so back to my book or maybe a bit of TV

RosiesMaw I could have written your post 🤣🤣🤣

Currently watching Glastonbury on the TV with a glass of rosé accompanied by breadsticks whilst pondering what is the least I can prepare (maybe even cook) to go with whatever DH is throwing on the BBQ

Guilt, no guilt!

It's simple, to me anyway. Don't drag the tedious jobs out to fill your days. Zip round them quickly, and then reward yourself with whatever you want to do.

When I was working full time I used to enjoy sitting under an apple tree in the back garden with a book and a glass of wine or beer. I did feel guilty but felt I owed it to myself.

I do spend more time reading now - I have nearly 600 books on my kindle, mostly those that cost 99p.

I have bouts of cooking - making marmalade at the beginning of the year when the various citrus fruit comes into the shops. We eat quite a lot of home made conserves and i will soon start on apricot jam. Another favourite.

You must do what you enjoy.

RosiesMaw

I’ll be shot down in flames for saying this but I never used to feel “guilty” about doing as little (or as much) as I chose once I was only responsible for myself after DH’s death until I started reading Gransnet.
All those women single handedly landscaping their gardens, working 5 days a week in a charity shop or alternatively providing wall to wall childcare (or complaining if they are not allowed to)
There’s daily baking, jam or marmalade making, decluttering and raiding charity shops (surely these cancel each other out?)
There’s running committees, coffee, lunch and tea with friends or daughters, craft work, greetings cards or patchwork , knitting and unpicking jumpers to knit them up as something else. I gather this is called “frogging” - every days a school day on GN.
And there’s housework .”Bottoming”, death cleaning, spring summer autumn and winter cleaning.
Say no more.
Anyway, tired now so back to my book or maybe a bit of TV

👏👏👏.

Most women have spent their entire lives pleasing other people (yes I know that is a generalisation there will of course be exceptions) & now is the time to please yourself. That is what you should be doing.

RosiesMaw 👏👏👏

I’m loving this thread. I’m not due to retire till Jan 26 and I’m looking forward to it. I hope I’m ready because I’m looking forward to it. Guilty I think nit I’ll have done 24 years in childcare by then. 🤞🤞

If you are happiest pottering about in your own kitchen or watching daytime TV that is what you should be doing!

If there are things you have always wanted to do or things you would love to enjoy again, that's worth considering

I do spend more time reading now - I have nearly 600 books on my kindle, mostly those that cost 99p.

Don’t you use Kindle Unlimited?