Retired. What 'should' I be doing? Who says so?

When we retired we said we were free spirits and could do exactly what we wanted and did. Then my husband became ill and I was his full time carer. I love him dearly and it was never a chore so when he died I was totally lost and volunteered for everything to fill my time. Its only now over a year later I’m starting to get my ‘free spirit’ back and just be me, trying to do nothing sometimes without any guilt, just live life enjoy what you can while you can .

So grateful for all the replies and ideas. I'm not alone!

Since retired, I have developed the manana attitude.

Wake up late, usually 9am, make breakfast and proceed to do things that need doing. In the afternoon, I am free to do things I want to do without the guilt.

And if I feel tired, I have an afternoon siesta.

Exactly as it should be. Enjoy!

I retire next week and I'm looking forward to having no structure and doing or not doing whatever I want.

After nearly 50 years of working I'm looking forward to being my own boss in every aspect of my life.

I have done zilch today, I could not be bothered to switch on the washing machine or dishwasher. Tomorrow is another day. I spend too much time in front of this machine but I enjoy it.

I retired in 2002. I did have 3 part-time jobs to save some money but now I can do as little as I want.

My new male next door neighbour asked me where I worked and I said I was unemployable at 80 years of age.

I rather like it here. I am sorry I can no longer care for an animal.

I like your straight talking biglouis .
I must say most people knocking my door are a) expected visitors or b) Couriers doing their job. All are very pleasant and welcome.
Last week I offered chilled cold drinks to Couriers and took choc ices out to the Waste Operatives (dustmen in old money).

Retirement is a time when we can afford to be pleasant to all. We have escaped the rat race!

Ditch the guilt and the "shoulds" - this is your time to just do what you fancy. You have done your bit with a lifetime of work. Chill!

I agree 100% with all the posters who said you should never feel "guilty" after a lifetime of work. I certainly never do.

I didnt go to bed until 3 am this morning and got up at 10 am. Thats typical for me.

I run a business and there are certain things that have to be done to meet my Royal Mail collection schedule - such as picking and packing orders for customers. Most of the time I do things at my own speed.

I rarely do any business on a sunday and tend to send out "holding" messages to the effect that I am "away from the computer" and will get back to them at X.

I dont feel any obligation to volunteer, become involved with neighbours or anyone who bangs on my door without an appoinment unless they are delivering something. Half an hour ago a woman in a batman logo t-shirt knocked on my door. I saw her on the camera and ignored her. She is probably canvassing for the Lib Dems. There is a very explicit notice on my door - no callers without appointment. No sales/charity/religious/political or collections.

People still knock and I feel free to ignore them - or ask if they have trouble understanding the King's English.

Rosie’smaw - my type of girl 👍

Anyone daring to tell me what I ‘ought’ to be doing in retirement, or what I ‘ought to enjoy doing’, gets very short shrift, I can tell you!

(PS, isn’t ‘ought’ a funny word?)

Tizliz

*I do spend more time reading now - I have nearly 600 books on my kindle, mostly those that cost 99p.*

Don’t you use Kindle Unlimited?

No I don't.My nearly 600 books were bought over 12 years so about £55 per year, allowing for hte ones that cost over 99p.

When we first retired there were lots of small GC and lots of help needed but time races by and that is no longer the case. I have one set morning a week when I attend an art group but otherwise DH and I take it as it comes. Some weeks there is tea drinking and catching up with friends, other weeks days out or days in and lots of reading etc. we try and take it as it comes. I am heading straight for 80 and DH now passed that number so we do please ourselves with little guilt

Maybe try eliminating the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary… :-)

I feel exhausted when I read about what some people fit into their days. I like to have enough fixed points in the week to keep me focused, but too much can soon feel like hard work. On the other hand after a busy life I can be very lazy without feeling guilty.

I have a long To Do list but can spend hours online, including on various forums which helps me keep in touch with others. I can spend hours browsing- new car, holiday destinations, air fryer recipes for example. This makes me lazy physically but keeps my brain active.
I need to decide soon whether to return to my voluntary work after a long break, but if I don’t I won’t feel guilty as I did it for 14 years.

"A day can go by when I've just pottered, read, and dreamed. Is this a waste?"

Absolutely not, go for it!

I'm like that a lot of the time but then, usually out of nowhere, an idea strikes which I follow and develops into a passion. The thing is let it come to you rather than have preconceived ideas of how to spend your time.

I’m in Rosie’sMaw’s team. I always was, really. It’s your life, and it’s not up to anyone else to tell you how to fill your days.

Unless you live in squalor and eat from tins (and even then if that’s a conscious choice it’s probably up to you) then you should do what you want when you want to.

I think there are those who need to be ‘doing’ and those who don’t. Plus, what some call ‘doing nothing’ (eg knitting, reading, surfing the net), others call ‘being occupied’ - ask a man .

I dislike routine, so on some days I do chores and on others I potter, but I often have days when I lie in, watch tv, knit, write, read poetry or whatever. I also do a lot of online classes where I talk to others, and go out socially. I also run groups of my own, and organise things for those. Not all on the same day, though!

I am almost never bored, which is the main thing, I think. I feel busy, even if I’ve spent the afternoon with a film or a book. My mum would call that doing nothing, but it isn’t. She (mum) frets if she doesn’t go out of the house every day, and feels guilty if she watches tv before the evening news. I sometimes think she spends time doing things for the sake of doing them though, and of the two of us I am the more content. I don’t set standards, so I can’t fail to meet them. I shop online, which she thinks is lazy, but I have full cupboards, so what’s the problem?

Since I ‘retired’ seven years ago (I still work on a consultancy basis) I did another MA in a subject unrelated to work, I have set up two evening groups, joined the NWA and a knitting group, run a campaign to save a local service from cuts, reorganised and got the house decorated from top to bottom, and still cooked and kept on top of things at home with just a couple of hours’ help from the cleaner to do heavier things. I see friends regularly and talk to Mr Dog from time to time too .

It’s done me good to write all that down, as I know my mum thinks I do nothing all day because I have no routine and might be still asleep at 9.30am if I was up late writing or working. Sometimes I even stay in my pyjamas at weekends - shocking😂.

Sorry for making this post all about me, but it’s been therapeutic. I think you should please yourself (and your husband if you have one) reframe any negative ideas about what ‘being busy’ actually means and remember that those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter.

When I retired I said No bingo, No bowls. And I shall do what I like , when I like. DH agrees and we have a very happy life together.

It takes a while to settle into retirement after being so busy all our lives.
I no longer feel guilty. The mornings are for doing all that needs to be done, then the afternoon is for relaxing.
There is loads of voluntary work out there for those who want it, but it seems more difficult to get into these days.

I too whole-heartedly agree with RosiesMaw’s post. I love doing my own thing although the speed with which time is passing does concern me.

RosiesMaw

I’ll be shot down in flames for saying this but I never used to feel “guilty” about doing as little (or as much) as I chose once I was only responsible for myself after DH’s death until I started reading Gransnet.
All those women single handedly landscaping their gardens, working 5 days a week in a charity shop or alternatively providing wall to wall childcare (or complaining if they are not allowed to)
There’s daily baking, jam or marmalade making, decluttering and raiding charity shops (surely these cancel each other out?)
There’s running committees, coffee, lunch and tea with friends or daughters, craft work, greetings cards or patchwork , knitting and unpicking jumpers to knit them up as something else. I gather this is called “frogging” - every days a school day on GN.
And there’s housework .”Bottoming”, death cleaning, spring summer autumn and winter cleaning.
Say no more.
Anyway, tired now so back to my book or maybe a bit of TV

👏👏

Maggiemaybe
I think after a lifetime of working you deserve to do whatever you damn well please , without caring about what you should be doing .
Maybe , you need to re evaluate after your health scare A day at a time & carry on going just as you are .

I'll quote a joke I saw on line recently "Did you know that when you are grown up you can buy a birthday cake and eat it all and nobody cares?" I remind myself from time to time that I am entitled to spend an extra hour in bed, or spend the afternoon watching rubbish TV. I'm supposed to be an old lady and allowed to enjoy it.

👌

Yes, you “should” be doing whatever makes you happy, even if that is sitting back and doing nothing. You’ve earned it.

I’m still in the looking after the grandsons phase, and loving it, but it’s gradually taking up less and less time. Some of the spare hours I fill, some I choose not to. Next week, courtesy of end of term performances and sports days, a local literary festival, our village fair, a reading group meeting and a couple of reunions with ex-colleagues, my diary is so jam-packed I’ll be meeting myself coming back. The following week has five completely clear days. It’s all good, I’ll enjoy the busy days and I’ll enjoy the lazy ones, and thank my lucky stars for them all.