Amusing things that children say.

My daughter, then seven, had been learning about world religion.
"Today" She said importantly, "we learned about the difference between Caffolics and Prostitutes!"

It wasn’t until I was playing Hangman with my 8 year old daughter that I realised she thought handbag was actually hambag.

My daughter was rubbing her hands along the windowsill in a tube train. I said to her look at your fingers their black, well have to wash them. Just at that moment a black man sat in the seat opposite her. She looked at her fingers then at him then said very loudly " that man's dirty mummy, wash him". Luckily the gentleman had seen her fingers and laughed. I did apologise to him. If that happened now she would have been arrested even at 2 years old.

Countless funny moments during my years as a nursery teacher. One little girl said ‘ he’s waving his dick at me’ mortified we looked and it was his’ stick’ she couldn’t do her ‘s’s

One very rainy wet day my granddaughter asked if she could go to the beach. When told the weather was too bad she replied that was why she wanted to go because it was always sunny at the beach

A few weeks ago my daughter called me to say that she'd taken one of our grandsons to A&E after the school had called to say he'd a bump on his head after falling in the playground. She said that the doctor asked him "Have you been sick since banging your head?" to which our grandson replied "No, I'm still 5". Aw, Bless him!

Our little grandson came for a visit - he was about 3 at the time and had recently had a bit of a growth spurt. He came in and went running to DH's study to see his Grandad and get a sweetie from the jar on Grandad's desk as was his usual routine. Upon seeing him DH said "Goodness Joseph haven't you grown!" at which Joseph earnestly replied " Yes, Grandad I know! " DH asked him how he knew and Joseph replied "Well Grandad, when I look down, like this, [stands looking at his feet] my feet are further away than they used to be - so that's how I know!"

My DIL took her toddler out to a supermarket to buy some chocolates and wine for her sister's 34th birthday. All the way around the supermarket the toddler was chanting
"Auntie Jane is dirty ore" as couldn't pronounce thirty four.
She got some strange looks lolol.
Another time when seeing a lady dressed in a black burka for the first time her 3 yr old started shouting and pointing "look it's a moving post box"
Luckily the lady laughed and said don't worry to my very embarrassed DIL

Having broken down in the car, we were waiting for the breakdown company to arrive. "Mummy when is the RAF coming to rescue us?" was my 4 year old's question

When my DD was almost two she kept mentioning her Google , this was in 1975 . We were puzzled she love to sit on her grandads shoulders and hold onto his ears , he would jokingly shout ‘get off my lugholes’ . Lugholes is a scouse form for ears and that’s what she was trying to say😂. We should have patented it , she would have been rich now 😀

My younger grandson. at only 5, asked what a hypocrite was. His Mum explained that it’s a person who says one thing but does the opposite . It’s like lying . “ Oh,” he said” Like a police man . “Where that came from I don’t know as one of his uncles is a police officer.

My son was about 4 and had been talking about a friend who had a new guinea pig and was quite excited about it. We then went on to have fish and chips for lunch and he said "Can I have some um guinea pig pleas e" We still sometimes ask for the vinegar and say pass the guinea pig please !

My father was head of a Bristol primary school and one day clearly heard James in the front row reciting the Lord’s Prayer with the rest of the assembly but said “and lead us not in to Temple Mead Station but deliver us from evil amen”.

Oh forgot the other one we loved which was when he was given a smiths voucher from his granny and shouted "Look Look I've got a smiths vulture!! I like the idea of a row of vultures sat on the tills at Boots!! We liked that and one christmas I offered to do a couple of things as a christmas present and wrote a very bright Madeleines Vulture to present the offer!

We stopped at a service station when my daughter was about six and when we on our way back to our table from a visit to the loo, she said to her Dad and brother 'the toilets were very nice and clean' in a very loud voice!

Taking DGD round a dinasaur park she kept asking why there are none left and I kept saying that they died out . Eventually she asked , looking bewildered , why did they dry out .
Being taken round the sights of Paris she asked her dad why the tower was called the trifle tower . She help me make trifles .

A friend's son heard 'Thanks be to God ' as 'Thanks Peter God' so thought God was called Peter!

My grandson called a trampoline a 'Jumpingline'.

When my eldest GS was tiny he got a bit muddled up with Harry Potter and computers. He used to call the computer the Harryputer.

We were on holiday in Devon and DS1 aged about six made friends with another boy on the caravan park, he was a little older about nine. I asked DS what his friend's name was. To our mystification, he said 'Ears'. I discovered the next day when hearing the boy's mum call his name that he was called Ian.

After another day or two, DS1 was telling us about his adventures with his friend that day, 'You know, the spotted boy'. Ian had freckles...

When my dd was about 3 years old she was in her car seat. All of a sudden she gave a big sneeze. Then she said " Mummy, there's 'bless you' all down my chin. Not a lot I could do about it until I had pulled over. It is one of the favourite memories I have of my daughter.

AskAlice

*Primrose*, that really made me laugh! Reminds me of the time when my DD, aged about 3, was humming a tune in her pushchair while we were out shopping. A lady nearby said, "Oh, that's lovely, are you singing a nursery rhyme?" DD replied , "No, it's Tchaikovksy!" We only had one classical LP in our collection at the time and it was the Nutcracker Suite, which she loved listening to

Brilliant!

WoodLane7

I have no recollection but my mother told me that when I was about 3 we were waiting at a level crossing. As the train approached a lady said to me, "look; a chuff-chuff". Apparently I turned to her with a look of disgust on my face and said, "its a train!"

Another time we were on the bus. My dad used to play a bit of tennis and I loved the feel of the tennis balls and playing with them, and I turned to my mother and asked in a VERY loud voice, mummy can I feel daddy's balls again tonight?

This is priceless!

I have a bit of a wheezy chest at the moment and my granddaughter wants to know “Grandma, why are your boobs making that funny noise?”

This thread has brought a smile to my face and made me remember one Easter time when my son was little, he dashed in from school one afternoon very eager to tell me his teacher had told the class all about Jesus and the twelve cyclists.

My friend is a teacher to reception class and was going through sounds and words with OW in them
One child eagerly raised his hand and when asked for his thought piped up Owcaholic!
Oh dear me 🥴