Amusing things that children say.

In church,we said the general confession. We came to " we have done the things we ought not to have done" brother asked " why have we ,Mummy?" It caused much laughter in the congregation.

When my son was about four I was trying to persuade him to put on a coat and hat as it was freezing cold outside.

I said, in exasperation, "If you don't put your coat on you will get pneumonia'

He said, 'Why won't I get old monia'.

Love these!

Just had the Wondrous Wolfue (aged almost 6) who asked where we kept our fly smacker. Think that one will stick.

My 3 year old grandson announced to my husband that his breath smelt like ‘shark poo’. After a bit of probing it turned out ‘shark poo’ smells like mint toothpaste.

When my son and his partner decided to have a 3d scan of the new baby they invited me along to see our new GDIsat with their two daughters and as the images came up on the screen the 4 year old said”Is it an alien granny” the midwife operating the scanner said she,d never had anyone ask the before.Her big sister requested a wee Chinese boy baby with ginger hair before she was born.Im happy to report both girls are delighted with our new arrival and each other

Whilst walking my niece home from school, I asked what she had been taught that day- oh auntie, we have been learning all about Adam & Steve

My son went through a long stage of finding my friends absolutely fascinating .
Later , he found his older sister's friends fascinating .
As soon these ladies arrived toys were abandoned and he pulled up a seat to join us .
He listened intently and then had lots of advice for these friends .
So , Hilary it's a shame that you aren't married perhaps if you smartened yourself up a bit .
Later , more advice for the unfortunate Hilary when he suggested plastic surgery on her nose .
It was worse , when we saw my extremely fat , not very fragrant and rather eccentric Aunt .
So Aunt Jemina , did you get those hairy warts from the joke shop ?
And why don't you get Grandma to get rid of that moustache for you - having seen my mother's beauty regimes .
After all , he paused it's not exactly feminine , is it ?

The best one I remember is from the 60s when I was on a crowded bus with my small son.
Opposite us was a man carrying some footballs in a net.
He said loudly, "Oh, look at that man with three balls!"

I know I snorted, but I couldn't look at other peoples' reactions!

My DD aged about 5, asked me " in the olden days mummy, did you know Jesus?" She was chatting to someone in a shop one day & was asked her age, which she gave, but then announced that " my mummy says she's 29, but she's a lot older than that!" I was 30!

I remember when GS was about seven, we brought him from school and stood talking to DD’s neighbour as she was going in. She was a nurse and worked nights. She said “Right, that’s me off to bed now!” And she went indoors. GS asked why she was going to bed so early and I told him she worked through the night so she slept during the day. He considered this for a little bit and then said “Is she nocturnal then?”

When I was a Nursery teacher and chatting to one of my afternoon pupils she said

“ My Daddy camed home today”
I said how lovely and asked if he’d been working away ( he sometimes did)
She replied “ No he just camed home for a poo then went back again “

I felt so embarrassed for him when he came to pick her up 😂 No secrets

Having tripped over in a park and hit her face on a bench, myDGD was sporting a black eye. “Oh Jodie, look at your eye” I said. “I can’t she said, it’s on my face”!

When DD and DS were 4 and 2 respectively, we didn’t have a car and often visited their grandparents by bus, a 2-hour journey involving two bus changes. One day DD declared she and her brother were off to see Granny. I said, ok. She went off with her brother in his pushchair. I followed a distance behind to see what they would do. After a short while they turned and came back. When asked what had changed her mind, DD replied: “I was worried that I’m not big enough to reach Granny’s door bell!”

jocork, God's name is not Peter, it's Harold.
"Our father, which art in heaven, Harold be thy name."
That was me at about 4 or 5. Surely many others?

Our youngest grandson 11 has a lovely dry sense of humour. I often say he’ll end up as a Stand Up Comic or a Mathematician.

His latest report says ‘He makes both his class mates and teachers laugh’. Little do they know his great, great grandfather and his father before him were comics in the Music Hall. I’m sure this trait has come through the family line.

My grand daughter recently asked me whilst in a crowded place “grandma why have you got a dog hair growing on your chin? I think I need the tweezers out !

One beautiful summer evening my friend and neighbour,
Rebecca and I were enjoying several gin and tonics when she had some unexpected visitors from the area in which she'd lived in the early days of her marriage . Rebecca quietly groaned and was polite and hospitable.
I thought that she was a bit unfriendly , but put it down to sheer tiredness .
Within minutes the house was turned upside down by their children .
" You'll have to excuse Imogen I don't believe in repressing children ", said the old friend .
When Imogen began to demolish a flower bed -Rebecca's pride and joy she finally gently reprimanded Imogen .

Nine year old Imogen was furious and quickly said ,
" anyway you always look ridiculous , Auntie Becca like an overgrown art student ! "

We both laughed .
And , Imogen added ,
" your new friend doesn't look much better ! "

When I was a child we were given two Siamese kittens. My little sister went round proudly telling people "We now have two Siasbese tickins".