Amusing things that children say.

Love it, Sago!

My same Gdd at 3 was once apparently saying, ‘Heil Hitler!- complete with raised arm, at nursery. Luckily staff were only amused, having twigged that she’d been watching The Sound of Music, since she was endlessly singing Doh a deer, My favourite things, etc.
Dd was still a mite mortified!

Nephew at 7 or 8 remarked to my sister that their dog was licking his balls again.
DSis hastily told him that the correct word was ‘testicles’.

Some days later he said, ‘Mum, what was that word again? The one that means willyballs?’ 😂

My friend's daughter came in after playing with a little girl who had just moved into the street and announced that the girl's mum was a prostitute! My friend almost choked on her coffee, but then discovered that she meant Protestant!

A group of us grannies , sharing lunch with a young mum and her almost 2 Yr old. The mum felt she had to apologise for still breastfeeding.
Then ensued a series of "confessions" from us as we had bf for far longer than was the usual.
One DGM said a group of friends were discussing music and asking what they liked, when her DD, aged about 2, broke away from the nipple and said "Schubert" before latching back on.
Df decided it was probably time to wean.

DD was between 2 and 3, I was having a dental check up, very nice dentist said put her on your lap and she can see what's happening, good idea for her in the future.

I'm laid back in the chair he's having a look and sees DD with her fingers near her mouth.

He said to DD are you feeling for your teeth? "No I'm picking my nose."

I was was mortified :-) But it still makes me laugh.

My son, then 3 years old, asked me if I had a Grandad. I told him that I used to have a Grandad but he had grown very old and had died. My son asked” Who shot him?”

sheila63

Years ago I was writing on an early (1980s) computer/word processor while my 6-year-old sat quietly at a table reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. After a few minutes my son enquired, "Mum, do you think CS Lewis wrote this on a computer?" Carrying on typing, I responded with "Oh, no - computers weren't invented then. He probably would've written it by hand." A minute's silence followed and then I turned round to find him peering closely at the page "...... he's got awfully neat handwriting"!

Comedy gold!

When my eldest niece was three, I danced in a group that performed Renaissance and Baroque dances.

My aunt brought my niece to watch a performance.

Back home, the child was telling her mother about her outing and came out with "Auntie J was there, dancing in old clothes".

When you think about it, the child was actually quite right, but not perhaps the way I wanted my Renaissance costume described!

From my own childhood I had the experience of being right, aged 7 and Mummy (not a native English speaker ) being wrong.

Coming home from Brownies ,I was telling Mummy that Brown Owl had told us about boggarts.

Mummy, not knowing the word and confusing it with another, said Brown Owl could not possibly have said that, and I must never, never use that word. When I insisted, I was told I was being naughty.

I do not know whether Mummy asked Daddy about this when we got home - the matter was never referred to again , and I think I was sixteen at least before I realised that Mummy thought I had said "buggers".

My four year old son and friend eating lunch in the kitchen after nursery.
Friend “Do you have a penis?”
Son after much deliberation “Yes, my penis is on the bird table.”He was thinking of peanuts I hope!

I have no recollection but my mother told me that when I was about 3 we were waiting at a level crossing. As the train approached a lady said to me, "look; a chuff-chuff". Apparently I turned to her with a look of disgust on my face and said, "its a train!"

Another time we were on the bus. My dad used to play a bit of tennis and I loved the feel of the tennis balls and playing with them, and I turned to my mother and asked in a VERY loud voice, mummy can I feel daddy's balls again tonight?

At eldest GD Christening at age 6 the clan (and full congregation) gathered in church - GS aged 3 had really had enough of sitting still and being good (it did go on a bit!) and when the service finished he very loudly said "Going home now! Yipeee! Bye Nana, Bye God"

I shrank in my seat as he skipped outside!

A cheery thought from my granddaughter, aged 6, that when she is a mummy, I will be dead! not that I would be a great grandmother

When my older son was about five or six he came running out of school one day and said “Mummy I know how you make a baby!” I said “oh, how’s that then?” And he said “you need an egg and a little squirm”. “How right you are, son,” I replied.

I was talking to my granddaughter and said we were going to the Netherlands. Oh she said that’s where Peter Pan comes from!

Class teacher asked each child in my DD class to stand up and tell the class what daddy did as a job.
Eldest DD proudly announced that her daddy ‘made ladies pregnant’

He was an infertility Dr!

At the age of 2 my daughter was watching the vapour trails of planes in the sky and said 'ooh sky pencil'.

My son came home from nursery one day and was proudly chattering about his ‘girlfriend’, Natalie. I remarked that I thought that Amy was his girlfriend. He looked horrified and said most indignantly “She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my WIFE!” So young to be two timing! I sincerely hope he doesn’t repeat this behaviour if and when he marries!

We have loads in our family! But like an earlier post- my middle son used to call the father at the church doing the lessons for his first holy communion- farmer rather than father- he was nearly 7 and genuinely thought that was his name..Farmer Newman..i often wonder if it gave the priest a chuckle, as he must have addressed him as it during their lessons- he never corrected him obviously. 😂

DD commented to GS aged 5 that the wind was getting up. "Oh yes," he said, " I can see the trees making the wind."

essjay

A cheery thought from my granddaughter, aged 6, that when she is a mummy, I will be dead! not that I would be a great grandmother

Oh, you must be very old like me, essjay. When DGS1 was 7 and announced he was going to be a premiership footballer, I suggested he could buy me a lovely new house when he was wealthy. “With respect, Nanna”, he said “I don’t think you’ll need one.” I was 65 at the time.

Sports day at my godson's nursery. He was at the starting line with the other 3-year-olds for their running race.
"Ready, steady, go," called the starter. All started running except godson, who stood stockstill.
When asked why, his answer was, " I did no do the running because my feet are too slow."

My mother was looking after my DD who was about 4 at the time when they met a man my mother knew, he said hello to my DD and asked her name, she answered with her full name, age, address and telephone number. I think he laughed and said thank you , I know it all now.

Oh gosh I have a few!

The first my daughter aged about 3/4 when out shopping, sat down and shouted, "I'm nit going into Marls & Spensives again!! Obviously it has always since been called that!

The 2nd, my schoolfriend was a primary teacher, in a not great area of Rotherham - she overheard some children in the play house say "let's play mummies and daddies; I'll be the dad, am working nights and going to rob some houses"!

The 3rd, young lad belonging to friends - playing I Spy in the car. "I Spy something beginning with J". The 4 adults just could not get it, an eventually gave in. "Jewel Carriageway, you lot are stupid!"

Same lad, his parents had some odd friends. Parents evening, his teacher told them that he had a remarkable imagination ... oh why they asked. He had written a very interesting story about his 'Uncles' coming for the weekend. They had a hearse, and they'd driven about in the hearse with a plastic skellington in the back. It was all true!

One day his dad took him to a football match for the first tine, and he had obviously been hearing much f'ing and blinding. One day some weeks later, his mum took him to a local cafe where she was well known. He asked to go to the loo at the other end of the cafe, and she told him to go. A few minutes later, the door opened and he shouted "mum, there's no f'ing toilet paper"! She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her!

Accompanying some small children on a day out I asked one of them what she had in her sandwiches. ‘Lemon Turd’ she replied 😮

On taking my own son for a walk, he asked what the stones were outside a church ‘that’s a graveyard’ I said ‘oh yes’ he replied ‘that’s where they make gravy’ he assured me.

My youngest in the car with his grandmother, 'we just got a caravan, nana!'
Grandmother, 'have you given the caravan a name yet?'
'Yes, the rolling turd', Nana.'

He later told us he really couldn't see why we'd bought a stupid caravan, what was wrong with a nice 4* hotel after all!