Chatty Cafes

Thank you Grandmama for your suggestions. How ironical that you would suggest SVP help as 40 years ago thst is exactly what I was involved in. Visiting people in their homes, giving lifts whenever needed and taking parcels and monetary gifts out st Christmas. Sadly our Catholic Church is closed now and the wonderful community spirit has gone. I have a good social worker who has helped with certain aids but she seems to have gone very quiet at the moment, I think I will give her a call and tell her I’ve been on gransnet as she was the person who told me about it 😊

Sorry, not sure where my flowers are. Maybe the florist is closed!

Celieanne86 - my late DH had lots of aids from the local Adult Services. We had a stone flag installed on the outside of the back door threshhold because he had fallen over this a few times. Could you have a ramp fitted? The Adult Services lady was very helpful and generous, suggesting aids we'd never heard of. She said they want to keep people in their own homes for as long as possible. There was no charge for anything. My Catholic church has a Society of St Vincent de Paul. The members visit people in their homes or in hospital when requested, organise an annual lunch and an annual coach trip (all free). They will visit anyone who requests a visit, regardless of religious faith or non at all. There is no religious pressure whatsoever, they are simply happy to help. The SVP has a national website outlining what they do. I do hope you find some help to make life easier. [flowers}

Do you have a community taxi or bus service in your area, celieanne86?

You may be able to find a way to go, even if if meant buying a portable ramp.

Hi Celieanne86, that is very sad. If you ring your Adult social services and ask for an assessment, they may be able to arrange a slope or rails outside your front door so you can get out and about. There are taxi services which are happy to ferry disabled people and their wheelchairs out and about or local community buses that stop outside your door Also, do you have a local Day Center, maybe ring them and arrange to go once or twice a week, some Day Centers can arrange transport. (May try a bit of wheelchair yoga) Unfortunately, you have to be proactive as these services don't know about you. Don't worry about being fearful of them, they aren't going to put you in a home or take over.. They are there to help and try to prevent more falls and hospital admissions.

there is a local park with a chatty bench and a cafe which asks for volunteers to get people to speak to each other. I now live in Wiltshire - so as expected neither are well used. When I lived in the midlands I've met lots of people and made friends using the bus but not on the train

My friend is one of the 'chatty crew' and loves doing it. She gets out of the house and just likes people, so it suit's her. Also gets to know new people that visit the café.

All these suggestions are wonderful ideas especially chatty cafes and how I wish I could be part of them but as I am disabled following a bad fall a year ago and need a wheelchair if I go out I can’t go to any of them. I have not been out of the house since my husbands funeral in January I can’t even get into my garden as there is a step and oh I do so miss company as I don’t have many visitors but am glad I have my iPad and phone. At least I’m alive so I’m not grumbling 😊

There was a surgery somewhere that held coffee mornings for people. They found that the number of people wanting doctors appointments reduced quite considerably. I’m not implying that prior to that people had been time wasters but that loneliness has a huge impact on peoples general health and well-being.

Chatty busses, chatty rains and other chatty get together are part of the Connecting you project. Our Carers group participated in the trial group last year. They are now doing free travel training as a result of the initial project which covers 3/4 days, one in the classroom, a couple of journeys and a final couple of hours in the classroom to re-cap on what has been learnt. Benefits a huge variety of people who would otherwise not get out and about.

Interestingly some of the men who attend have asked if they can have their own morning just for men!

Are you going to try this, seeing as they've asked? It might encourage more to come.

My uncle was involved in his local Men's Shed group 🙂

What a great idea, chatty cafes and buddy benches, never heard of either of them. Am going to see if there are any local cafes and maybe give them a go. I often go for days without speaking to anybody, it would be good to have see new faces and have a chat.

There's lots of churches do food and chat regular slots. In Exeter alone I know of 4. You don't have to go to church, just turn up for whatever they are offering, either low priced or free food. Make a donation if you don't need free, and go prepared to talk to someone lonely if you don't want to be the lonely one.

They've just started a community café morning once a month in our Waitrose. My friend went to the last one and said about 8 people turned up. It's just one large table designated to anyone from 9.30 onwards for that morning.

There are chatty train trips from Coleraine - Londonderry to help lonely people find friends.

I am involved with a local Charity which runs a Community Cafe, we always welcome people who are on their own with a smile and willingness to chat if that is what they seem to want. The Charity also has various befriending schemes and invites those who live alone to attend out own version of the Chatty Cafe twice a month - these have been very successful events with a lot of chat and plenty of cake and coffee consumed! I am sure it is a lifeline for some of the regulars and maybe their only chance to socialise. Interestingly some of the men who attend have asked if they can have their own morning just for men!

Yes I heard about the benches just recently on the radio. Good idea. Sadly the situation with covid has of course stopped lots of people mixing for a long time, but also I think it has been very sad in particular for older men. When my son was little you often got elderly men and women who would be sat in the park near the childrens playground. They would speak to the children and as my sons grandparents lived a long way away, I was very happy for him to have this contact. It worked both ways and we made many pleasant contacts and learned much of interest. Sadly, due to the situation with child abuse , - which of course is of major importance - many men then felt they dare not even say hello to a child now. I was once in a park with my son, where the only other adult was a young man with his daughter. Another child entered the park and was playing and then fell from the slide quite badly. I went over and checked that he was ok and asked where he lived, just across the park, and watched him going home. If he had been worse I would have taken him or rung for an ambulance. After the child had left the young man said how glad he was that I had been there, as these days he was not sure whether he should do as his instinct as a parent, and talk to the child and see if he was ok or stay away in case it was thought inappropriate that he talked to the child. This is understandable but very sad I think. My personal view is that I feel that all adults should be looking out for all children. Of course if the parents are there you do not need to be involved, but I would hope that an adult would have asked my son if he was alright in that circumstance. So I think that the bench idea is very good and is a way we can speak to each other without being seen as a danger to a child etc. I have always been happy to speak to others, and have always felt that I could gauge whether they would like to continue to talk or just pass the time of day and be left alone. You do notice that people with dogs have an instant opportunity for conversation, which I noticed when I had been taking a friends dog for a walk when she was not well. Many more people seemed to be able to start a conversation involving the dog, but thats the british for you!!

Redrobin51 sorry but I can’t resist asking; what is an inappropriate cafe?
Do the customers come dressed in pyjamas and slippers with curlers in and perhaps seat their dogs at the table and feed them soup 🤔

Yes there is one inappropriate cafe quite near me they run it once a week. I think it is a .lovely idea as I am sure many enduring friendships are made there. It is also a good cafe. They also have a friendship group one tea time at our local pub.x

The scheme has been running for quite a long time (18 months, or so?)

I'm surprised it wasn't promoted very well, because it's an excellent idea.

Now, News at 6pm are doing a feature on The Chatty Bench… have not seen them near me ..

My DD has a chatty cafe in the church opposite her house. If I'm there on a Wednesday at 2pm I can see older people going in. I think it's a very good idea as loneliness is bad for health.

I’ve seen something in the Waitrose cafe about this . You put a little sign on the table I think 🤔 indicating that you are happy to chat.

I have just seen an advertisement for a chatty cafe near me. I hadn't heard of this until I read this thread but I think it is a great idea.

[nanaK54] that is very sad..hope his discharge includes social service support/care for him as he sounds very low...