Visitors popping in on off chance.

I can agree with almost everyone on this, cos I haven't yet worked out how sociable or otherwise I am, or want to be.

I am still a busy person, work from home part time (in my 70s) but with tight deadlines, do a lot of voluntary work as an accountant/bookkeeper for local charities, and my DH is pretty useless at all things household (whether physical or mental) - in fact he creates a lot of untidiness as well - so my house is always fairly untidy (which I hate but simply don't have the time). Sadly I don't get many impromptu visitors since my two close friends died (who didn't care about my untidiness) and other contacts I have are all the opposite to me with their neat houses, so I do feel embarassed at times.

However, when someone DOES brave the dust I am very hospitable, thrilled to see most people, and not afraid of telling them if I am stuck for time.

I do wonder if it all puts them off but my life is just like that.

During my cancer treatment this year I have been quite upset at the few people who have even enquired about me and the lack of visitors or even phone calls, but I can only assume that is my fault. I believe you have to make an effort to keep friends and I don't seem to ever have the time.

Maybe I've got my priorities wrong and will regret it in times to come.

My daughters laughed at this and said "do you remember... we heard the gate and mum would say "scramble". And we knew to grab stuff out of the way and make the lounge tidy . Then whilst mum let them in we did bathroom and kitchen tidy? Never why until we got our own houses ...."

I usually grab my handbag and keys while going to open the frontdoor. If it'someone I like to see I tell them I just came home so please come in! . If it's somebody I prefer not to receive I tell them I was just going out so sorry but can't let you in.

No wonder we live in such a lonely and isolated world these days, when people can't even spare half an hour out of their 'busy' day for a natter and a cuppa with friends. But they no doubt spend hours on the internet talking to strangers.

An hour after commenting on this thread, the bell rang. On the doorstep was someone I don't know that well, but we meet from time to time at a friend's. We were together at a BBQ party a few days ago. She'd told me that she had aggressive breast cancer and was having a series of chemos that left her exhausted. She is divorced, and lives on her own with her lovely puppy, she took in just before she was diagnosed.

She came in and we sat in the garden, the dogs playing together, running around the place. She apologised for popping in, but she was driving past and saw me sitting in the garden, and felt the need to talk and to find someone who could have the dog a week or two when she has her operation.

So so glad she felt she could just pop in and talk, and felt comfortable to do so. So pleased she trusts us to take in the dog for a while.

So many people need simple, unfussed, support- just a chat, sometimes a bit more. I am glad she felt she could.

I'm happy for people to drop in as long as they don't expect things to be clean and tidy - they rarely are as I live alone and have better things to do. I recently had an old friend ask to come and stay at very short notice as her flat was uninhabitable due to a flood. I felt I couldn't say no but the state of my house was embarassing so I warned her about that. I was preparing to go away myself and have a knee problem at the moment so I at least had an excuse! It endedd up being quite stressful but I guess I was glad she felt she could ask.
I always check with people before visiting myself. I don't tend to get people turning up uninvited these days but we did when we were a young family - probably because friends knew we'd be there. We had a friend who often turned up on a Saturday evening as he was single and liked the company, but he'd often just pick up the paper and sit and read it! He once turned up on boxing day when we had my ex's parents staying which did surprise me, but I didn't mind, though I probably couldn't cope with that now!

Fleurpepper

An hour after commenting on this thread, the bell rang. On the doorstep was someone I don't know that well, but we meet from time to time at a friend's. We were together at a BBQ party a few days ago. She'd told me that she had aggressive breast cancer and was having a series of chemos that left her exhausted. She is divorced, and lives on her own with her lovely puppy, she took in just before she was diagnosed.

She came in and we sat in the garden, the dogs playing together, running around the place. She apologised for popping in, but she was driving past and saw me sitting in the garden, and felt the need to talk and to find someone who could have the dog a week or two when she has her operation.

So so glad she felt she could just pop in and talk, and felt comfortable to do so. So pleased she trusts us to take in the dog for a while.

So many people need simple, unfussed, support- just a chat, sometimes a bit more. I am glad she felt she could.

Lovely post. ❤️

Gummie

No wonder we live in such a lonely and isolated world these days, when people can't even spare half an hour out of their 'busy' day for a natter and a cuppa with friends. But they no doubt spend hours on the internet talking to strangers.

It's not just half an hour though in my case. Usually 3 hours or round about.
I don't mind that if someone phones and we can sort out a day that's ok for both of us.

I remember reading an article about a lady who used to wear a hat to answer the door. If it was somebody she wanted to see she would say I've just come in. If it was somebody she would prefer to avoid , she said she was just going out.

Heavens above.
No way does anyone visit me unannounced.
I can’t be bothered to entertain people nowadays. It’s such hard work, especially if I am tired.

Now and again, certain friends might be invited round, but usually everyone one I know is exceptionally busy.

I love unexpected guests but they would have to take me as they find me.

I think we ought to have a disc displayed outside each house; green for open to visitors, Red for no chance!!

Someone I know has had a wooden plaque made, they hang on the front gate, It simply says
Sorry no visitors today, thankyou.
on one side and
Everyone welcome
on the other.

Fleurpepper

An hour after commenting on this thread, the bell rang. On the doorstep was someone I don't know that well, but we meet from time to time at a friend's. We were together at a BBQ party a few days ago. She'd told me that she had aggressive breast cancer and was having a series of chemos that left her exhausted. She is divorced, and lives on her own with her lovely puppy, she took in just before she was diagnosed.

She came in and we sat in the garden, the dogs playing together, running around the place. She apologised for popping in, but she was driving past and saw me sitting in the garden, and felt the need to talk and to find someone who could have the dog a week or two when she has her operation.

So so glad she felt she could just pop in and talk, and felt comfortable to do so. So pleased she trusts us to take in the dog for a while.

So many people need simple, unfussed, support- just a chat, sometimes a bit more. I am glad she felt she could.

How lucky she is to have you and not just a bunch of 'acquaintances' who are more concerned with having a pristine house than real friendship.

I’m not keen on people dropping in unannounced because I go to bed very late and get up late. I have a ‘friend’ who drops in at 9am before she does her shopping. I’ve often thought of dropping in on her at 1am for a coffee but fear she may not answer the door.
I also think that as we get older and have fewer friends we may well be grateful for those ‘dropper ins’, so many older people have no visitors at all.

I hear you! I always have this 1 person who was' just in the area and thought she would pop in for a cuppa ,on the off chance' It's always between 5 30 and 6.30pm! Who on earth does this at a meal time.

As my Mum got older and after her first bowel cancer op she needed a sleep after lunch. She always went to bed and slept for nearly 2 hours.

I made a little sign for both her doors saying “please do not disturb as I am sleeping.” They worked a treat, people still visited but came in the mornings. She loved visitors.

Sennelier1

I usually grab my handbag and keys while going to open the frontdoor. If it'someone I like to see I tell them I just came home so please come in! . If it's somebody I prefer not to receive I tell them I was just going out so sorry but can't let you in.

I love this!

Primrose53

As my Mum got older and after her first bowel cancer op she needed a sleep after lunch. She always went to bed and slept for nearly 2 hours.

I made a little sign for both her doors saying “please do not disturb as I am sleeping.” They worked a treat, people still visited but came in the mornings. She loved visitors.

What a great idea! I hope your mother is recovering/recovered now.

mrsba

Someone I know has had a wooden plaque made, they hang on the front gate, It simply says
Sorry no visitors today, thankyou.
on one side and
Everyone welcome
on the other.

Not sure how I feel about this. A bit cheeky, but I don’t blame them.
Actually, I am as bad. Years ago, I worked night shifts every four weeks. I would put a notice on the front door which said “Nightworker asleep. Please do not ring bell”.
That was fairly effective except for the numpties who knocked, loudly, instead! Duh!

I don't mind people dropping by. I don't usually stop what I'm doing. If I'm cleaning in the kitchen you ate welcome to be in kitchen either just chatting or pitching in.
I have a few people that I'll just drop in on. I grew up in a small village where everyone knew everyone and most everyone just stopped by whenever.

ileea

I don't mind people dropping by. I don't usually stop what I'm doing. If I'm cleaning in the kitchen you ate welcome to be in kitchen either just chatting or pitching in.
I have a few people that I'll just drop in on. I grew up in a small village where everyone knew everyone and most everyone just stopped by whenever.

Lovely. I recently moved to my new area and I don't have anyone to drop in on me. I wish I did.

Maybe check to see if there are any meet ups for your new area, Gummie.

Or make a thread asking if anyone is interested in meeting.

Hope you're enjoying your new place.

MissAdventure

Maybe check to see if there are any meet ups for your new area, Gummie.

Or make a thread asking if anyone is interested in meeting.

Hope you're enjoying your new place.

I have started to make new friends using meetup and FB, but it takes time to build up and to find people who become genuine friends. I've built a little core of pals now thank you.

There are a lot of lonely people in this country and many of them are on meetup.

HattieTopper1

No, you are not mean!
I think it is awfully rude of her to 'pop in' and just expect lunch, especially to then leave!!
You could answer next time, if she calls again, but not offer or give her anything.
Hopefully there'd be a new cafe in town you could tell her is very nice and she should pop in there while she's shopping!

I never mind people just calling in to see me, but they’re usually people who absolutely understand if I say that I’m busy, or I’m going out. If I’m making dinner/baking etc. I just tell people to put the kettle on and make us a cuppa while I carry on with what I’m doing. If I’m in the middle of a painting or doing something that I can’t leave then I tell them so and ask them to call in another time.