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Visitors popping in on off chance.

(153 Posts)
Tuaim Thu 01-Aug-24 10:17:34

Just musing. Do GNetters mind friends popping in on the off chance for a cuppa or do you prefer to make arrangements for your diary? I must confess that I did not answer the 'phone yesterday to a dear friend as I was hot, had loads to do and could not cope with an hour or two of all her woes. Bit mean of me, I know, but I do care for my boundaries now I am becoming elderly.

Nannyof4mummyof2 Wed 07-Aug-24 17:59:22

It doesn't happen but we often get very short notice phone calls so at least I may have 10 mins to tidy around quickly

Gwyllt Wed 07-Aug-24 17:36:15

If someone just drops in you don’t feel obliged to tidy before they arrive. Which must be good You should always try to make time for friends they are precious
When I moved to Wales I was told every good housewife has a bara brith in a tin just in case someone drops in for a panad. Equally if offered you should never refuse or risk offending

grannyactivist Wed 07-Aug-24 14:05:13

I never mind people just calling in to see me, but they’re usually people who absolutely understand if I say that I’m busy, or I’m going out. If I’m making dinner/baking etc. I just tell people to put the kettle on and make us a cuppa while I carry on with what I’m doing. If I’m in the middle of a painting or doing something that I can’t leave then I tell them so and ask them to call in another time.

Ali08 Wed 07-Aug-24 13:42:10

HattieTopper1

No, you are not mean!
I think it is awfully rude of her to 'pop in' and just expect lunch, especially to then leave!!
You could answer next time, if she calls again, but not offer or give her anything.
Hopefully there'd be a new cafe in town you could tell her is very nice and she should pop in there while she's shopping!

Gummie Wed 07-Aug-24 13:34:22

MissAdventure

Maybe check to see if there are any meet ups for your new area, Gummie.

Or make a thread asking if anyone is interested in meeting.

Hope you're enjoying your new place. smile

I have started to make new friends using meetup and FB, but it takes time to build up and to find people who become genuine friends. I've built a little core of pals now thank you.

There are a lot of lonely people in this country and many of them are on meetup.

MissAdventure Tue 06-Aug-24 14:30:36

Maybe check to see if there are any meet ups for your new area, Gummie.

Or make a thread asking if anyone is interested in meeting.

Hope you're enjoying your new place. smile

Gummie Tue 06-Aug-24 08:49:05

ileea

I don't mind people dropping by. I don't usually stop what I'm doing. If I'm cleaning in the kitchen you ate welcome to be in kitchen either just chatting or pitching in.
I have a few people that I'll just drop in on. I grew up in a small village where everyone knew everyone and most everyone just stopped by whenever.

Lovely. I recently moved to my new area and I don't have anyone to drop in on me. I wish I did.

ileea Mon 05-Aug-24 00:46:52

I don't mind people dropping by. I don't usually stop what I'm doing. If I'm cleaning in the kitchen you ate welcome to be in kitchen either just chatting or pitching in.
I have a few people that I'll just drop in on. I grew up in a small village where everyone knew everyone and most everyone just stopped by whenever.

Crossstitchfan Sun 04-Aug-24 18:48:33

mrsba

Someone I know has had a wooden plaque made, they hang on the front gate, It simply says
Sorry no visitors today, thankyou.
on one side and
Everyone welcome
on the other.

Not sure how I feel about this. A bit cheeky, but I don’t blame them.
Actually, I am as bad. Years ago, I worked night shifts every four weeks. I would put a notice on the front door which said “Nightworker asleep. Please do not ring bell”.
That was fairly effective except for the numpties who knocked, loudly, instead! Duh!

Crossstitchfan Sun 04-Aug-24 18:43:37

Primrose53

As my Mum got older and after her first bowel cancer op she needed a sleep after lunch. She always went to bed and slept for nearly 2 hours.

I made a little sign for both her doors saying “please do not disturb as I am sleeping.” They worked a treat, people still visited but came in the mornings. She loved visitors.

What a great idea! I hope your mother is recovering/recovered now.

Crossstitchfan Sun 04-Aug-24 18:42:11

Sennelier1

I usually grab my handbag and keys while going to open the frontdoor. If it'someone I like to see I tell them I just came home so please come in! . If it's somebody I prefer not to receive I tell them I was just going out so sorry but can't let you in.

I love this!

Primrose53 Sun 04-Aug-24 13:46:21

As my Mum got older and after her first bowel cancer op she needed a sleep after lunch. She always went to bed and slept for nearly 2 hours.

I made a little sign for both her doors saying “please do not disturb as I am sleeping.” They worked a treat, people still visited but came in the mornings. She loved visitors.

Mojack26 Sun 04-Aug-24 13:35:34

I hear you! I always have this 1 person who was' just in the area and thought she would pop in for a cuppa ,on the off chance' It's always between 5 30 and 6.30pm! Who on earth does this at a meal time.

KathrynP Sun 04-Aug-24 11:15:21

I’m not keen on people dropping in unannounced because I go to bed very late and get up late. I have a ‘friend’ who drops in at 9am before she does her shopping. I’ve often thought of dropping in on her at 1am for a coffee but fear she may not answer the door.
I also think that as we get older and have fewer friends we may well be grateful for those ‘dropper ins’, so many older people have no visitors at all.

Gummie Sun 04-Aug-24 10:56:15

Fleurpepper

An hour after commenting on this thread, the bell rang. On the doorstep was someone I don't know that well, but we meet from time to time at a friend's. We were together at a BBQ party a few days ago. She'd told me that she had aggressive breast cancer and was having a series of chemos that left her exhausted. She is divorced, and lives on her own with her lovely puppy, she took in just before she was diagnosed.

She came in and we sat in the garden, the dogs playing together, running around the place. She apologised for popping in, but she was driving past and saw me sitting in the garden, and felt the need to talk and to find someone who could have the dog a week or two when she has her operation.

So so glad she felt she could just pop in and talk, and felt comfortable to do so. So pleased she trusts us to take in the dog for a while.

So many people need simple, unfussed, support- just a chat, sometimes a bit more. I am glad she felt she could.

How lucky she is to have you and not just a bunch of 'acquaintances' who are more concerned with having a pristine house than real friendship.

mrsba Sun 04-Aug-24 10:55:50

Someone I know has had a wooden plaque made, they hang on the front gate, It simply says
Sorry no visitors today, thankyou.
on one side and
Everyone welcome
on the other.

Ohmother Sat 03-Aug-24 22:08:36

I love unexpected guests but they would have to take me as they find me.

I think we ought to have a disc displayed outside each house; green for open to visitors, Red for no chance!!

Greciangirl Sat 03-Aug-24 19:33:29

Heavens above.
No way does anyone visit me unannounced.
I can’t be bothered to entertain people nowadays. It’s such hard work, especially if I am tired.

Now and again, certain friends might be invited round, but usually everyone one I know is exceptionally busy.

ordinarygirl Sat 03-Aug-24 18:52:00

I remember reading an article about a lady who used to wear a hat to answer the door. If it was somebody she wanted to see she would say I've just come in. If it was somebody she would prefer to avoid , she said she was just going out.

sharon103 Sat 03-Aug-24 18:48:21

Gummie

No wonder we live in such a lonely and isolated world these days, when people can't even spare half an hour out of their 'busy' day for a natter and a cuppa with friends. But they no doubt spend hours on the internet talking to strangers.

It's not just half an hour though in my case. Usually 3 hours or round about.
I don't mind that if someone phones and we can sort out a day that's ok for both of us.

Primrose53 Sat 03-Aug-24 18:25:51

Fleurpepper

An hour after commenting on this thread, the bell rang. On the doorstep was someone I don't know that well, but we meet from time to time at a friend's. We were together at a BBQ party a few days ago. She'd told me that she had aggressive breast cancer and was having a series of chemos that left her exhausted. She is divorced, and lives on her own with her lovely puppy, she took in just before she was diagnosed.

She came in and we sat in the garden, the dogs playing together, running around the place. She apologised for popping in, but she was driving past and saw me sitting in the garden, and felt the need to talk and to find someone who could have the dog a week or two when she has her operation.

So so glad she felt she could just pop in and talk, and felt comfortable to do so. So pleased she trusts us to take in the dog for a while.

So many people need simple, unfussed, support- just a chat, sometimes a bit more. I am glad she felt she could.

Lovely post. ❤️

jocork Sat 03-Aug-24 18:09:07

I'm happy for people to drop in as long as they don't expect things to be clean and tidy - they rarely are as I live alone and have better things to do. I recently had an old friend ask to come and stay at very short notice as her flat was uninhabitable due to a flood. I felt I couldn't say no but the state of my house was embarassing so I warned her about that. I was preparing to go away myself and have a knee problem at the moment so I at least had an excuse! It endedd up being quite stressful but I guess I was glad she felt she could ask.
I always check with people before visiting myself. I don't tend to get people turning up uninvited these days but we did when we were a young family - probably because friends knew we'd be there. We had a friend who often turned up on a Saturday evening as he was single and liked the company, but he'd often just pick up the paper and sit and read it! He once turned up on boxing day when we had my ex's parents staying which did surprise me, but I didn't mind, though I probably couldn't cope with that now!

Fleurpepper Sat 03-Aug-24 17:35:27

An hour after commenting on this thread, the bell rang. On the doorstep was someone I don't know that well, but we meet from time to time at a friend's. We were together at a BBQ party a few days ago. She'd told me that she had aggressive breast cancer and was having a series of chemos that left her exhausted. She is divorced, and lives on her own with her lovely puppy, she took in just before she was diagnosed.

She came in and we sat in the garden, the dogs playing together, running around the place. She apologised for popping in, but she was driving past and saw me sitting in the garden, and felt the need to talk and to find someone who could have the dog a week or two when she has her operation.

So so glad she felt she could just pop in and talk, and felt comfortable to do so. So pleased she trusts us to take in the dog for a while.

So many people need simple, unfussed, support- just a chat, sometimes a bit more. I am glad she felt she could.

Gummie Sat 03-Aug-24 17:10:32

No wonder we live in such a lonely and isolated world these days, when people can't even spare half an hour out of their 'busy' day for a natter and a cuppa with friends. But they no doubt spend hours on the internet talking to strangers.

Sennelier1 Sat 03-Aug-24 16:51:48

I usually grab my handbag and keys while going to open the frontdoor. If it'someone I like to see I tell them I just came home so please come in! . If it's somebody I prefer not to receive I tell them I was just going out so sorry but can't let you in.