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Separate beds

(85 Posts)
Babs03 Tue 06-Aug-24 12:12:49

One thing that has made our marriage more comfortable in recent years is the fact that we sleep in separate bedrooms. Of course we are lucky enough to have enough bedrooms to do this. Thing is I get too hot in the night, he is too cold, I snore and get restless on my sleep, he has trouble with his prostate which means he can be up and down and he suffers from insomnia.
About 10 years ago we finally decided enough was enough and we started sleeping apart. We agree has been he best decision. He can now sit up in bed reading or listening to the radio when he can’t sleep, and I can stretch out with just a sheet over me when overheated. Have spoken to several of our friends about this and some already do it, others are so uncomfortable at night they are seriously considering it and another couple say they couldn’t ever imagine sleeping apart.
Anyone else in the separate bedroom camp?

ginny Tue 06-Aug-24 18:56:03

Same here 😃we enjoy our cuddles too much.

Why can’t you enjoy cuddles if you don’t SLEEP together ? Surely you don’t have to be in bed to do that?

We have had separate rooms for several years and are still happily together after 48 years.
I ‘m pretty sure there are far more couples who have separate beds/ rooms than admit to it for some reason.

HeavenLeigh Tue 06-Aug-24 18:54:14

No. We cuddle up in a king size bed, no separate rooms for us. Couldn’t imagine that my Dh snores doesn’t really bother me, whatever keeps you happy. Each to their own of course. We dread the day when one of us in the bed.

AreWeThereYet Tue 06-Aug-24 18:51:05

On holiday we have two rooms if possible but if not we're quite happy with one. When we're away we tend to be up and out at the same time doing things together anyway.

Fleurpepper Tue 06-Aug-24 18:50:44

Must say hosting guests who insist on two bedrooms is a total pain!

Grannybags Tue 06-Aug-24 18:47:09

Separate beds for us too. And if we’re away we either book two hotel rooms or holiday let with two bedrooms (and preferably two bathrooms!)

Fleurpepper Tue 06-Aug-24 18:46:13

Mollygo

No, we share a king size bed. He snores a bit and I probably do, but I’d miss him if he was in another room. Besides it would make holidays more expensive.
I’m curious. Do all the separate roomers not go away, or pay for two rooms or just put up with one another when they’re on holiday?

We ask for a KS bed, or single beds- same bedroom is fine, for holidays.

AreWeThereYet Tue 06-Aug-24 18:40:03

the novelty of ‘sleeping together’ had well and truly become tedious but the not sleeping stuff we did in bed hadn’t.

That made me laugh Babs03 smile

I think some people think that because others have separate rooms they are almost divorced.

A few days ago there was an old horror film with Kurt Jurgen on late at night and as I have a TV in my room MrA came in to watch it with me. We cuddled up in bed with a bottle of wine and had a date night. MrA stayed the night shock

jusnoneed Tue 06-Aug-24 18:18:23

We always rented either a large mobile home or a cottage. Have never stayed in a hotel.
Haven't bothered with holidays for about 20 years now so not a problem.

Kate1949 Tue 06-Aug-24 18:09:09

We go self catering with two bedrooms. We both dislike hotels anyway.

Mollygo Tue 06-Aug-24 18:02:50

No, we share a king size bed. He snores a bit and I probably do, but I’d miss him if he was in another room. Besides it would make holidays more expensive.
I’m curious. Do all the separate roomers not go away, or pay for two rooms or just put up with one another when they’re on holiday?

Oreo Tue 06-Aug-24 17:46:03

So you sneak into each other’s rooms babs03 how exciting.

Oreo Tue 06-Aug-24 17:44:49

We both snore so not a problem, one cancels the other out😄

Babs03 Tue 06-Aug-24 17:44:24

@oreo
Sleeping in separate bedrooms doesn’t mean we don’t cuddle or have an intimate relationship. When our grown family first saw that we slept apart they pointedly asked if ‘everything was ok’, to which I replied that the novelty of ‘sleeping together’ had well and truly become tedious but the not sleeping stuff we did in bed hadn’t.
They looked aghast.

Fleurpepper Tue 06-Aug-24 17:41:42

We found a middle way - 2 small double beds in same room. Plenty of space for 'cuddles', we can chat and feel together- but have own duvet and own space- but together. Only since I had first knee replacement, and we found it so perfect, we didn't go back to our SK bed in next bedroom.

Oreo Tue 06-Aug-24 17:30:30

paddyann54

Also a no from me,we sleep in a double bed but share a pillow,always have.Cant imagine wanting to sleep or wake up without him.I dare say that day might come if he dies before me but until then we,ll squash up together and enjoy it

Same here 😃we enjoy our cuddles too much.

MissInterpreted Tue 06-Aug-24 17:28:09

Absolutely yes for me! Combination of snoring, menopause-related insomnia etc - never slept so well since!

Norah Tue 06-Aug-24 17:17:39

No, not in separate beds camp.

We sleep together, have every night since we married - unless I was giving birth or either of us was having tkr - until we could go home.

Cossy Tue 06-Aug-24 17:06:35

I’d love too but DH would be mortified! My parents had separate rooms for years and years

HowVeryDareYou2 Tue 06-Aug-24 16:54:19

Yes, I have the double bed, he sleeps in a single bed in the spare room. Co stand his snoring.

Jaxjacky Tue 06-Aug-24 13:33:43

Not for us, we accommodate each others nuances.

AreWeThereYet Tue 06-Aug-24 13:18:44

Yep. Started after MrA had the flu some years ago. Neither of us was getting any sleep so I got up and went to the spare room. Once I retired and didn't have to get up at 5 am it also meant I could sleep in for an hour if I wanted.

Solves a lot of niggly problems like how cool/warm the bedroom should be, window open/shut/snoring, getting up/going to bed times/getting up in the night.....

jusnoneed Tue 06-Aug-24 13:11:55

Yes, have had separate rooms for years.
I like a cool room/bed, he is wrapped up in a big duvet all year long. I can get out of my bed and you would hardly know it's been slept in, his looks as if he's been fighting something all night. He snores, as do I. I like to read for a while before going to sleep, he has the telly on (often watching with his eyes closed...). I have a window open all the time, he doesn't.
So after months of broken sleep I finally got fed up one night and went into spare bed - never went back having had the best nights kip for ages.

Jackiest Tue 06-Aug-24 13:03:00

For some it can make life a lot easier and for some it could be the end of the marriage and you end up just being two people living in the same house.

Shelflife Tue 06-Aug-24 13:02:17

It's a yes from me ! My DH likes a heavy douvet and a bed spread , dark curtains and window closed. I am hot at night and have a very light douvet and a light cover to hand if need it. My curtains are light in weight and colour and I don't fully close them and I have the window open. I need light in the mornings- more of a problem in winter of course.
Fortunate to have spare bedroom! After 50 years of marriage we are both happy with this arrangement!

HattieTopper12345 Tue 06-Aug-24 12:55:45

Even when my late husband was in his last months of life we still slept together, luckily we had a king size bed. He refused a hospital bed and because I needed to be there in seconds when he stopped breathing, sleeping in the same bed was the best option, also, in the 50 years we had been married we had never spent a night apart unless I was in hospital giving birth or he was in hospital.

After he died I could not sleep on my own and even now so many years later I still wake in the middle of the night, tossing and turning. I did get a double bed instead but I missed having him next to me.