Please think of the person you are telephoning!

There could be lots of reasons that some people just can’t stop talking, ADHD, autism, anxiety, a mental health issue or just general anxiety.

* general nervousness

Just be kind and listen.It is not pleasant to condemn someone for being so lonely that they cannot help but to talk and talk. That’s what this is, nine times out of ten. I would consider myself fortunate that this person has chosen you - they must think you will listen. Don’t withdraw your friendship.

Put your phone on speaker, then go on with what you were doing, and treat the call as background noise.

The wee old lady in the care home has earned her two hours of talking non stop. Get her to talk about the nice things that happened when she was young. Get the interesting details, because once she has gone, it will be too late to ask.
Don't we all wish we had asked more questions when we could?

I completely agree! I'd be talking for even longer!

Thank you to those Gnetters saying, have some compassion for those who live alone in poor health.
It has happened to me. In July, I was active and busy with a good social life. Suddenly, an emergency cancer operation (two actually) changed all that. I am very dependent on good friends who visit me or telephone and I try not to bore them with my problems.
I hope eventually to regain reasonable health and strength, but some do not have that prospect.
Be kind!

If you don’t like the person the kindest thing in the long run is to tell them, not bluntly obviously but just say that you feel you’ve drifted apart and no longer wish to be friends, that or just simply block their phone number.

Tuaim, if I value someone's friendship I accept their foibles even the one you describe. What not try ringing her and then you can more easily control the duration of the call, and also to a greater extent what you talk about.

Tolerate, tolerate

Marydoll

I believe, that sometimes, people who do this, may not have seen nor spoken with another person for days and are just so desperate for company,
I am not condoning this, but understand why they may behave this way..

There are two elderly ladies in my church like this, I spend my life body swerving them. They are lonely and I try to be appear interested, when I am cornered. .

Could you introduce the elderly ladies to each other and escape stage left 😅. I now don't answer calls from numbers I don't recognise as there are too many scams around, and I don't always answer calls from numbers I do recognise if I'm too busy. I learned this dealing with parent with dementia who phoned so incessantly about the same issue (once 13 times in same day) it caused me to be very stressed and unwell. Before anyone thinks to judge, my parent was well looked after because I made sure they were, I visited often multiple of times weekly from a distance away that involved hours of travel and advocated for them and resolved their many issues. My parent taught me in all this that it is the recipient of a phone call who decides whether to accept it or not

Romola, as you say"Be kind". I think "Be kind" sums up the whole of morality.

I never pick up the phone unless I know who it is. Non-stop talkers are exhausting, so you get to know who to talk to and who to ignore.

This kind of behaviour can be symptomatic of someone wth ADHD. I write this as someone who has ADHD and does have a tendency to do what I call 'yammer'. Thankfully, I do realise that I do have a habit of doing this, and, I hope, I am quite good at shutting myself dowwn.

If it helps, I find I have the biggest problem if I am upset or stressed about something, I would think that if I hadn't seen or spoken to someone for a couple of days, I might well ring someone up - and then talk non-stop.

On Monday I had a hospital appointment I was very nervous about, and I was conscious of talking too much when I was witht he doctor, so I did my best to shut myself down.

However there are ways of dealing with itMy DD, who is also neurally diverse, although I am not sure what 'umbrella' she comes under, lives alone(by choice), but tends to ring me when she is upset and talk for hours. Over the years I have developed a technique, which helps to slow her ddown and end the rant.

The first thing to do is let the raanter rant for 10-15 minutes, then ask her something about another aspect of her life, so she has to pause, and reset her mind. perhaps ask, about children (if they are not the subject of her rant) or her garden of shopping. You know the person, so know what their intersts are, then slowly widen the topic of conversation to make it more general and two way. I find this method works very well with DD, so it might work with others with this tendency.

By the way, I have a very good friend, who if I start yammering just turns to me and says 'M0nica' you are yammering, shut up.' It works very well, but then you need to know someone well, to know that a response like that is acceptable and will be laughed at.

Tuaim, you have my sincere sympathy. I agree with you entirely about your actions and I'd recommend going "non-contact" weith this person. I knew someone like this and now I have no contact with her. She literally could/would not let anyone else get a word in; not even to make an ongoing comment like "goodness me", or "that sounds nice" or "what happened next?" Being with her was like having the radio on, without an on/off control.
As regards the comments from GNs who say "be nice to her", I'd guess that we all have friends who can "go on a bit" and to whom we are kind and supportive. (I certainly do, and we keep in touch!) However those persons who totally take over any conversation, are a different issue. Unless they are relatives or work colleagues, (in which case one is stuck with them!) we have a choice about seeing them!

pascal30

Kindness and compassion go a long way in todays world.. I completely agree with Friedgreentomatoes... you could listen for a few minutes and then warmly thank your friend for ringing you.. leave her feeling listened to..

👏👏👏👏

I've a friend who will message for a whole day and all of the night.

Walls and walls of WhatsApp messages.

I remember groaning inwardly when caller ID showed it was Mom. Sometimes she could be delightful, sometimes critical and what I perceived as dorky. I would give anything to hear her go on and on again just once more. Missing my Mom too.

I think we all know someone like this, a friendship is a two way thing and it's very difficult if the so called friend just talks about her own life all the time and shows no interest in you. Ì know two like this and they tell me I am a good listener!

She's not your friend if you dont want to see or meet her is she?

GranPepp

Marydoll

I believe, that sometimes, people who do this, may not have seen nor spoken with another person for days and are just so desperate for company,
I am not condoning this, but understand why they may behave this way..

There are two elderly ladies in my church like this, I spend my life body swerving them. They are lonely and I try to be appear interested, when I am cornered. .

Could you introduce the elderly ladies to each other and escape stage left 😅. I now don't answer calls from numbers I don't recognise as there are too many scams around, and I don't always answer calls from numbers I do recognise if I'm too busy. I learned this dealing with parent with dementia who phoned so incessantly about the same issue (once 13 times in same day) it caused me to be very stressed and unwell. Before anyone thinks to judge, my parent was well looked after because I made sure they were, I visited often multiple of times weekly from a distance away that involved hours of travel and advocated for them and resolved their many issues. My parent taught me in all this that it is the recipient of a phone call who decides whether to accept it or not

Unfortunately, the two elderly ladies avoid each other like the plague! 🤣

One has just caused havoc this morning interfering in something she knows nothing about. i.e the solar panels on the church roof!

Replies to OP seem to divide equally between "go no contact" and "be kind".
In the great scheme of things what is 15 or 30 minutes out of your life?
It may be make or break to somebody who is lonely, depressed or worried.
If you really don't want to talk to somebody or listen to them use caller ID.

If you need to end a conversation you can do it firmly but kindly-" got to go, cake due out of the oven/somebody at the door/need to go to the loo/due at the dentist in 20 minutes."
Practise saying it with a smile so that you still sound sympathetic - you may need a sympathetic ear one day yourself.

It can be a difficult choice whether to soldier on with such a “friendship” or give up completely. In a similar situation I chose to continue seeing the lady but changed my expectations. I decided I could be kind to her, listen to her for a reasonable time, almost imagining her as a “client” if you see what I mean. I expected nothing back, and didn’t get it! But she was lonely and nobody else could be bothered with her.

Even though this lady appears to have lots going for her, it may not be the case. Is her marriage happy? Does she enjoy the company of her social set? And, as we all know, money doesn’t buy happiness. Perhaps she just needs someone to listen to her.

Nonnato2

Just listen for a few minutes- it’s not hard is it? Have some compassion for others. Some people just have no empathy.

That sounds the kind thing to do.

My brother has always been a verbal diarrhoea person on the phone (and in real life, come to think of it!) - I make the right noises in the right places and let most of it wash by me. He is a total petrol head and a great deal of what he has to say is content that is not on my radar. I once switched back in to the conversation (having momentarily switched off!) and realised he was telling me about the optimum tyre pressures for his new car!!

But he has been a rock during my difficult times, a sound advisor about finances when my OH died - swings and roundabouts ........ and he now has Parkinsons, and I am happy to listen to him ramble on.

Live and let live ....