Please think of the person you are telephoning!

Not on the telephone but in person, we visited my mother-in-law when she was in a care home for six weeks after breaking her arm.
She was wheeled in to the room in a chair and didn't stop talking for two hours!
We couldn't get a word in 🤣

If it happens again do what I do.
I say to the caller are you still there then to myself/ or phone words to the affect of ooh eh, it’s gone dead

You won’t/can’t change these people. They are totally unaware of what they are like.
Another ploy I have used is ringing my own doorbell then say I have to go such and such is here.

To be fair V3ra, six weeks in a care home must be pretty soul destroying. I imagine conversation with some of the other "inmates" may have been pretty limited and the staff generally only smile and nod in the right places. I expect she was heartily relieved to release her pent up boredom and frustration. Obviously she is much older than you (and possibly widowed?) which also puts her in a very different place to you.

I believe, that sometimes, people who do this, may not have seen nor spoken with another person for days and are just so desperate for company,
I am not condoning this, but understand why they may behave this way..

There are two elderly ladies in my church like this, I spend my life body swerving them. They are lonely and I try to be appear interested, when I am cornered. .

The ability to listen to other people and not continually talk about yourself is sometimes lost on some friends .
Your friend is probably very sad and lonely and needs you to just listen to her, because no one one is !
I have a friend , who is completely obsessed with herself
. She doesn't have any friends and everyone that I've introduced her dislikes her . She's not friendly towards them .
I don't enjoy meeting up with her .
She talks as though the World is ending and she has to express herself before it explodes .
Very occasionally, she'll fire a question at me and can't be bothered to listen to my reply .
I've known her for about four years and over the last two it's become worse .
Rejected by her mentally impaired mother and dumped on a relative - she had an unstable childhood , learning difficulties , an early unwanted baby , financial hardships , and now a very selfish mean with money hobby obsessed husband and two of her three children have mental health issues .
They are exhausting and financially draining .
She isn't that well and has endless phobias .

Recently , I've taken flowers and cards to her house and tried to cheer her up .
The last time , I saw her she was rude to me and it's not the first time .
She used to phone and text me regularly - now she doesn't .
In my opinion , she's suffering from depression and needs professional help .
Dare I say so ?
My birthday is coming up soon and I almost can't face seeing her .
It's going to be the same at Christmas .
I'll decide that it's time for me just to let go then guilt sets in and I try again .
Recently , I've made a new friend who is so different . I feel valued and appreciated .
It is easy to walk away , but not really in my nature .
You have three choices :
Walk away .
Continue as you are just listening to her talking .
Or
To tell her that you can't get a word in edgeways .
It's not that easy a choice .

I know someone like this. Last time she rang me she spoke for twenty minutes about herself (I timed her) without a pause or asking me how I was. She has no interest in my doings or those of my family. She isn’t even interested in her own children or grandchildren, but only in herself. Quite extraordinary.

Tuaim you are probably doing the kindest thing by listening, but perhaps put a 5 minute cap on the call, and have an egg timer or similar beside you, as you are "'expecting a call" or "have to go out for an appointment". And then, if you can, put it out of your mind. To talk for 15 minutes all about yourself is not quite normal when you have rung on the face of it for a chat.

Imo there's a difference between a 'friend' ringing and constantly talking and an old lady in a care home doing the same. Perhaps neither had spoken to anyone all day? But the friend presumably was in much more control of her environment and her contact with the outside world than the MiL

why are so many people down right nasty? we've all got tongues in our heads to curtail a call by interrupting with a question about weather for instance then say have to go now with a cheery cheerio!
to listen to a call for 15 minutes which you find boring is the listeners problem not the caller!

Another ploy I have used is ringing my own doorbell then say I have to go such and such is here

I have used the doorbell trick - also said "I have to go. My supermarket delivery has just arrived."

What price a little kindness and empathy as we go about our days? Are we really so very busy in our retirement that we can’t spare 15 minutes to be kind (as the exhortation goes regarding numerous threads on here) and just listen? No harm done and a small act of charity I think. Sigh inwardly if you must but the person who rings (and irritates) will have enjoyed being heard.

It's a lonely life for many. I sometimes hear myself babble or moan and check myself.

Caller ID ? Then you are free to pick up - or not

This reminds me of my mum. She would ring me and give me the lowdown on how terrible things were for my siblings, her nephews and nieces, her neighbours and her neighbours cats. After listening to how tough everything was for everyone she would end with,' And how are you?' I would have zero energy left to say anything other than, 'I'm fine,' and put the phone down.

How I would love to pick up the phone and hear my mum feeling so sorry for everybody now... at the end I would love to say, 'I'm missing you mum.'

I also think that listening is a gift from us to the person we are listening to.
Ask her some questions about herself and she will feel "worth something".

I have a friend (of nearly 50 years) who is a bit like this. Not as bad as she does ask about us but sadly, not so interesting these days.

Just give her 15 mins and see it as a kindness.

If it is a phone call I would listen for a couple of minutes then say I have to go I have a delivery, I don’t want to miss before I go out.
Some people are lonely their only company is their phone. There are people who are selfish and do like the sound of their own voices. I think I know the difference just by knowing these people.
My mum ended up in a care home because of her mobility and dementia . I visited most days her conversation flowed about family. I talked about things to jog her failing memory. When she sat in the communal rooms it must have been so frustrating. No conversation as such just soul destroying out bursts from those more advanced than my mum.
After that experience I think normal conversation can be a life saver for some I don’t take it for granted anymore.

Short answer tuaim is not they are not aware and don't care. Since I've had to use a stick for walking about I cannot count the number of able bodied people who like to bash into me and/or close doors in my face when I'm obviously struggling with stick, bag and shopping.

Kindness and compassion go a long way in todays world.. I completely agree with Friedgreentomatoes... you could listen for a few minutes and then warmly thank your friend for ringing you.. leave her feeling listened to..

Thank you for all your kind, opposing, and balanced replies. Sadly, in the case of this lady, there is nothing to be done. I tried several times to speak and she just keeps talking non stop. Short of speaking over her, there is no way you can stop her. All the empathy and compassion in the world won't work because she is just so focussed on herself and her doings. The best thing one can do is just not take the call. She is well off, married, and is part of a great social set, so is not lonely.

Why do you think she's calling you then, Tuaim?

My friend who does this always said I was a good listener and gave good advice. Thank goodness she has not rung me for several months.2 of her children don't have anything to do with her.

My sister lives abroad and I ring her on a regular basis although she can talk without a break for an hour if I let her. She's very lonely, her health means she hardly leaves her house except to visit the doctor and her children neglect her. I do manage to get the odd word in when she pauses for breath but my life is so much happier and more fulfilled tbh I feel it makes her more aware of how lonely she is. I make myself a cup of coffee and have a magazine to hand and just let her babble away but I often get OH to call me for some reason when I feel I'm ready for a break.

Just listen for a few minutes- it’s not hard is it? Have some compassion for others. Some people just have no empathy.

Esmay

The ability to listen to other people and not continually talk about yourself is sometimes lost on some friends .
Your friend is probably very sad and lonely and needs you to just listen to her, because no one one is !
I have a friend , who is completely obsessed with herself
. She doesn't have any friends and everyone that I've introduced her dislikes her . She's not friendly towards them .
I don't enjoy meeting up with her .
She talks as though the World is ending and she has to express herself before it explodes .
Very occasionally, she'll fire a question at me and can't be bothered to listen to my reply .
I've known her for about four years and over the last two it's become worse .
Rejected by her mentally impaired mother and dumped on a relative - she had an unstable childhood , learning difficulties , an early unwanted baby , financial hardships , and now a very selfish mean with money hobby obsessed husband and two of her three children have mental health issues .
They are exhausting and financially draining .
She isn't that well and has endless phobias .

Recently , I've taken flowers and cards to her house and tried to cheer her up .
The last time , I saw her she was rude to me and it's not the first time .
She used to phone and text me regularly - now she doesn't .
In my opinion , she's suffering from depression and needs professional help .
Dare I say so ?
My birthday is coming up soon and I almost can't face seeing her .
It's going to be the same at Christmas .
I'll decide that it's time for me just to let go then guilt sets in and I try again .
Recently , I've made a new friend who is so different . I feel valued and appreciated .
It is easy to walk away , but not really in my nature .
You have three choices :
Walk away .
Continue as you are just listening to her talking .
Or
To tell her that you can't get a word in edgeways .
It's not that easy a choice .

Why do you continue to be friends with this woman? Offload her, she is a hugely negative influence and you don’t need it!