Please think of the person you are telephoning!

People who are lonely tend to talk a lot when they have a listening ear and sometimes I can listen but generally for me the conversation has to be mutual ie each listening to the other with shared time If that’s not there I won’t last very long and won’t want to be in contact . However If my friend is in a crisis then I wouldn’t expect to be listened to and would be very happy to just be there for her.

Ask her if she breathes through her ears!

Love love the door bell idea. Will use that !

Slightly aside from phone conversations, another situation I find increasingly common. Adjacent tables where one voice dominates. A couple of weeks ago, whilst staying in a hotel having breakfast during a 40 minute interlude only heard one woman's companion say the occasional word with a lot of "mmms" and the dominant voice's conversations was overwhelmingly littered with "I"

The OP, Tuaim has been back and said this is a craft activity leader.
I don't think they were ever actually "friends".

This puts a different slant on it for me.

Think also of the one ringing, be glad its not you so lonely. Ive been guilty of avoiding miserable negative people as they bring me down, now trying to be more understanding and think its only half an hour out of my life, then have a glass of wine after as a reward.😬

Trueloveways

There could be lots of reasons that some people just can’t stop talking, ADHD, autism, anxiety, a mental health issue or just general anxiety

That's a good point.

However, there are also those who are simply totally self-centred and have no concept of the idea that the world revolves around everyone, not just themselves.

TerriBull

Slightly aside from phone conversations, another situation I find increasingly common. Adjacent tables where one voice dominates. A couple of weeks ago, whilst staying in a hotel having breakfast during a 40 minute interlude only heard one woman's companion say the occasional word with a lot of "mmms" and the dominant voice's conversations was overwhelmingly littered with "I"

Went to a really nice restaurant last night and there was a couple where the lady started, in a loud voice, speaking out the innards and outs of her recent operation in great detail whilst we were enjoying what had started out as a lovely meal. A gent from another table next to the couple began about his heart condition, his medication and the effects it had on him (!) and then his wife joined in all in very loud voices. Oh, yes, and then they started telling our serveuse about their ailments.

I have a friend like this. She is in very poor health and struggling with many aspects of her life. I keep in touch as we have been friends for many years but it can be hard work. She lives about 200 miles away so I only see her if I have reason to be in her area and if I stay in a traveellodge nearby we have a meal together. The last time we did that I was looking forward to showing her pictures of my grandchildren etc. She tells me all about all her nieces and nephews and their offspring, none of whom I have ever met, so thought she would be interested, but three hours later I hadn't even mentioned my family! We had overstayed the three hours parking at the restaurant and I had to sign in again and hope I wouldn't get fined. She offered to give me a couple of pounds for parking in case, having no clue that the fine, if levied would be £100! She doesn't drive so has no clue.
My daughter wonders why I bother, but I feel sorry for her. It is a small sacrifice, and I continue to do it, but if she lived nearby I wouldn't be able to spend time with her very much. I sometimes wonder if all the other people she keeps in touch with and talks about at great length maybe feel the same as me. Are they just being kind as they realise she is needy. I don't think she has many close friends where she actually lives which is really sad. A few of her friends are people I knew years ago when we lived in the same place, but most are people she has told me about in great detail that I have never met.

I think how you deal with those who can't stop talking about themselves and their lives depends very much on how you are feeling at the time.

Sometimes, you're just not in the mood to tolerate it whereas at other times, you are able to feel benevolent and kind. But, if you are having an off-day, or have problems of your own to deal with which are occupying your mind - or you don't feel 100% well, it can be very difficult to sit and listen to someone droning on and on, without feeling frustrated, or even anxious.

Oh, yes, and then they started telling our serveuse about their ailments
Must have been really posh to have a serveuse
Most places I frequent have waiters (if even) or “servers” espevislly as the term “waitress” seems to have gone the way of “actress”” !

Oops “especially”

Philippa111

People who are lonely tend to talk a lot when they have a listening ear and sometimes I can listen but generally for me the conversation has to be mutual ie each listening to the other with shared time If that’s not there I won’t last very long and won’t want to be in contact . However If my friend is in a crisis then I wouldn’t expect to be listened to and would be very happy to just be there for her.

very good point..Philippa

RosiesMaw2

^Oh, yes, and then they started telling our serveuse about their ailments^
Must have been really posh to have a serveuse
Most places I frequent have waiters (if even) or “servers” espevislly as the term “waitress” seems to have gone the way of “actress”” !

That's just me being tongue in cheek trying to provide a contrast to the medically detailed conversation. . She was a very sweet waitress/server.

I don't think my friend is lonely. She is never in the house, usually visiting people she knows or at church.She and her husband usually go away for a couple of nights at Christmas as her children go to their in laws and never seem to want them.

I’ve a face for it!!

I get random strangers telling me about their health, family members and problems!

The DDs were used to finding me deep in conversations with complete strangers after school.

I understand that for some, that I could be the only person they spoke to that day, so I showed interest in whatever they said.

Am I the only person thinking what came first the loneliness or the talking incessantly. 🤔
Some of us have been accused of having no empathy.
No one has mentioned how selfish these oxygen thieves are.
I’ve never heard one of them say enough of me, what’s happening in your world No, it’s all me me me.

petra

Am I the only person thinking what came first the loneliness or the talking incessantly. 🤔
Some of us have been accused of having no empathy.
No one has mentioned how selfish these oxygen thieves are.
I’ve never heard one of them say enough of me, what’s happening in your world No, it’s all me me me.

Am I the only person thinking what came first the loneliness or the talking incessantly

... that's a point!

I realise it's uncharitable to shun people who are lonely, particularly if they mention the fact - but is the cause sometimes because they just won't stop talking?

And does anyone ever tell them?

I remember being talked-at, non-stop, for what felt like ages, and I actually felt a rising sense of panic - because I realised there was no 'concluding' point at which the talking would come to a natural end. The person in question simply lurched from one topic to another, effortlessly, and would I believe have continued indefinitely. It was utterly draining and exhausting.

This lady did not live alone, she had a husband and her mother at home, and a daughter that visited regularly. But of course, you can still feel alone even if you live with people.

What drove me to despair almost was having to listen to the tales and stories about people I didn't know and would never be likely to meet - to the point where they'd said or done something that required a verbal pat-on-the back from me, or a shock-horror response to their temerity in having said or done it.

I once stepped sideways into the entrance to a block of flats to avoid this lady, only to find her standing next to me a couple of hours later in M&S...

petra

Am I the only person thinking what came first the loneliness or the talking incessantly. 🤔
Some of us have been accused of having no empathy.
No one has mentioned how selfish these oxygen thieves are.
I’ve never heard one of them say enough of me, what’s happening in your world No, it’s all me me me.

I totally agree. Some very holier than thou responses on here. I often suspect these are the most lacking in empathy people in real life.

I had a friend a bit like this. She would only phone when she had a problem or was upset and wanted to offload and have someone listen. And I'd listen and suggest things and it was hard to get her off the phone - even when I'd say I have someone here at the moment, or the family were looking at me waiting for it to end. Once she stopped having problems she dropped me completely! It was never a two way thing. If I phoned for a chat or to arrange to meet she was always too busy. No longer a friend now. She just disappeared when her life improved.

I feel awful now after reading all the posts as today I had a phone call from an old friend who I have seen since my husbands funeral in January. I was so thrilled to hear from her and I had so much to tell her I just talked about everything that had happened during the year. I did ask her about her husband and family and her son who had been seeing a young lady and the bungalow she was trying to sell, I did honestly, oh dear have I been guilty of verbal diarrhoea as when we finished the call my phone showed 2 hours 5 mins. That is some conversation and I did enjoy it but I think I had better message her and apologise…yes or no 🫣

Celianne86. No don't apologise. I should think your friend loved chatting with you. This was completely different from what the OP was meaning. My sister in law and I can chat for that length of time and only ring off because we are laughing so much and need the loo. Look back with pleasure at a good evening's chat with a frien.d

Celieanne
You sound perfectly fine 😁 You asked about her and her family which is more than the oxygen thieves do.
Stop worrying 😄

Celieanne86

I feel awful now after reading all the posts as today I had a phone call from an old friend who I have seen since my husbands funeral in January. I was so thrilled to hear from her and I had so much to tell her I just talked about everything that had happened during the year. I did ask her about her husband and family and her son who had been seeing a young lady and the bungalow she was trying to sell, I did honestly, oh dear have I been guilty of verbal diarrhoea as when we finished the call my phone showed 2 hours 5 mins. That is some conversation and I did enjoy it but I think I had better message her and apologise…yes or no 🫣

That is some conversation and I did enjoy it but I think I had better message her and apologise…yes or no

No... the very fact you are even contemplating the matter indicates you have the self-awareness that those people who habitually won't stop talking, lack.

Anyway, you clearly know about things that are happening in her life, so it probably wasn't a one way conversation, and not having seen you since last January at your husband's funeral she most likely wanted to hear your news and catch up with you.

Do it ‘Keeping Quiet’, ring her and tell her. My Mum died almost 60 years ago and what would I give to have the option you have.