Did she provoke him ?

The men who hurt women are cowards and no an mount of provocation justifies violence. I find it shocking that a woman would ask if the man was provoked.
I believe there is a lot more domestic violence towards women and children than we know.

Another murder here yesterday. I think that's 6 in the last month in NI.
I couldn't believe my friend today when she asked this question.Everyone changed the subject quickly as we were in a busy cafe but how can women still think this is an excuse?

I'd find it difficult not to challenge such a comment - what she is saying in effect is that it is acceptable on occasions for men to murder women, depending on how far they are provoked, so it's up to women not to provoke them.

I'd have reacted very strongly and been quite vocal about that comment and the person wouldn't want to be a friend any more.

Having said that, some people are just educated badly. My Grandmother used to make unfortunate comments about certain people looking like Jews because of their nose shape. It was awful and embarrasing, but it was the way she had been brought up, she was very old, a bit deaf and very loud. Thankfully people were quite good humoured about it.

Two women a week are murdered in this country. Mostly by men who they know. For your friend to make that remark about provocation is truly shocking.

It’s awful what people use as justification for their actions. I read the amount of injuries that little girl Sara sharif had at the hands of her father, who claimed he legally punished her for being naughty, but went too far. I wept at the end of the report, but nothing that child did could justify that amount of punishment

Sago

Victim blaming is disgraceful.

I’m afraid I would have challenged her.

My father was an aggressive bully, he didn’t need any provocation, just a bit of alcohol.

How awful for you.🤬

gentleshores

I'd have reacted very strongly and been quite vocal about that comment and the person wouldn't want to be a friend any more.

Having said that, some people are just educated badly. My Grandmother used to make unfortunate comments about certain people looking like Jews because of their nose shape. It was awful and embarrasing, but it was the way she had been brought up, she was very old, a bit deaf and very loud. Thankfully people were quite good humoured about it.

😁I have a very nice nose.
Yeah, the old trope about big noses and Jews is probably still around but very outdated.Older people way back when said all sorts of things about Jews, black people and those with disabilities, it was considered to be ok to say them.
‘The past is another country, they do things differently there’.

Why didn't she tell you what the murdered woman was wearing, too? paperjacketblog.wordpress.com/2022/01/06/pictures-and-thousands-of-words/

MissAdventure

I did jury service with people who were of the opinion that the schoolgirl victims had "asked for it" and it made me feel ill.
The fact that there are people who think that way, openly, really affected me.

I did jury service, different scenario to you, no schoolgirls involved, but it did make me aware of the mindset of some women, even in the 21st century!

I lost confidence in fair trial by jury thereafter.

My work brings me into contact with victims of Domestic Abuse on a regular basis and it really isn't unusual to hear friends/families (of both victims and perpetrators) say "but if you hadn't done/if you didn't do".
It's horrifying.
A colleague did some training with young people and kept hearing the same thing....
I don't know what it will take to change attitudes like that.

My daughter took her own life believing she deserved the beating of her life, she was so destroyed by her partner into believing she was a bad mother...she wasnt.. she was 23ywars old, and left me to care for my grandaughter then aged 4.

When is victim blaming ever right, ...never...it could be your daughter next.

MissAdventure

I did jury service with people who were of the opinion that the schoolgirl victims had "asked for it" and it made me feel ill.
The fact that there are people who think that way, openly, really affected me.

Gosh, how awful! Being narrow minded in a café with friends is bad enough, but to be on a jury, listening to evidence and still thinking that provocation/asking for it are a defence is beyond belief.

That is truly awful downtoearth. I am so sorry.

That poor little girl, Sara Sharif, provoked her parents by being ‘naughty’. Her father killed her but it was ‘justified’.

Downtoearth, I am so so sorry.

That is heartbreaking downtoearth.

I would have given her a lecture on the cause of male violence against women and girls ie.violent men and she would never have repeated that apologist nonsense in my ear shpt again !

IOMGran

I am afraid after my daughter was half strangled by a boyfriend she was trying to leave I have nothing but contempt for the man that killed and your friend. BTW never expect much help from the police.

This is so true.
My daughter was assaulted for over four years by her ex husband. On the night she left him, she was black and blue from her hands to her shoulders. She picked up a kitchen knife and threatened him if he touched her again, so he rang the police and reported her. They came and took her to the police station. She wasn’t allowed to see her children then for a week. The charges she made against him afterwards are still being investigated!!

downtoearth
I’m so sorry about what happened to your daughter.
It’s true that these men say that their wives/partners are bad mothers.
My daughter’s ex is still trying to prove that my daughter is a bad mother.
She isn’t. But I don’t believe he’s much of a father.

My first thought was that this was going to be about the little Muslim girl.killed.by her father. Silly of me. My thoughts about that one have been that it was the stepmother driving that situation as the child was very pretty and she wasn't.

So sorry downtoearth what a tragic end to such a young life.

That's what happens when people are abused.
They are systematically broken down - all of their opinions, ideas, friendships, as well as the physical side of things.

Then people say "why didn't they just leave"?

Tragic, all of it, and I can't begin to imagine how it must feel to those left behind...

IOMGran

I am afraid after my daughter was half strangled by a boyfriend she was trying to leave I have nothing but contempt for the man that killed and your friend. BTW never expect much help from the police.

I think any woman going to the police these days is in for a disappointment and, horrifyingly, may be putting herself at an even bigger risk.
Never a week goes by, it would seem, that a serving policeman is hauled into court on charges of sexual harrassment or coercion of a female abuse victim they have come into contact with, sometimes accused of accessing confidential details of the victim via the police computer.
There seems to be some kind of "underground army" of police predators, modelled on Wayne Cousins, relishing the opportunity to abuse the authority vested in them. No, unfortunately, male police officers have an exceptionally tarnished image.

Very sad that people think that way - .
I always remember when somebody i know said that a woman could avoid rape as " a woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his trousers down"
Women can be cruel and in my opinion Cruel and Stupid!

She can’t run faster if she’s asleep in bed and he’s her husband!