Farting

Omg this is not hilarious as my DH is the King of this !
He could & has cleared a room in his professional life .
It is constant , no let up whatsoever. He also comes up with “ oh it must be “ & placed blame on whatever he ate for breakfast, lunch , dinner 😠
It is so what tiresome to say the least ☹️

My grandfather used to recite;

Let the air blow free,
Church or Chapel,
Knock the priest from his prattle.

My sisters and I thought this was so naughty and so funny. We didn’t dare tell mum!

Oh, what a tonic! I have tears of laughter streaming down my face!

We don't have a dog or a cat so can't blame either - we generally just say "there's a frog in 'ere again".

Apparently the first time my mother took my father to see her parents my Nanny (an inveterate farter) was sitting on a wooden chair when she let an enormous one rip. The noise was amplified and she almost bounced! She was completely unconcerned, though she was in all other respects a product of her very stiff Victorian upbringing.
My mother had a partner in her late eighties who used to fart very loudly as he walked about. He just ignored it, we never knew if he couldn't hear or feel it - or perhaps just felt so at home with me that he didn't care.
In our house we used to blame the teddy bear when the children were small, and today always say "Where's that bear?!"

"More tea vicar?" was the expression used in my home seventy years ago. It has travelled down the generations and remains in current use

Witzend

DanniRae

Our dog gets blamed and she died 2 years ago

If ghostly farts are a thing, I’m surprised nobody ever blames my long-gone father, who’d sometimes remark that he was farting like a brewer’s dray-horse. Though why such horses should be particularly farty, I never found out - unless they were fed on some very wind-producing brewers’ waste products.

That takes me back to a holiday we had in Austria, one evening we booked a carriage ride round the town to a local hostelry with other visitors. As we set off the horse let a very noisy one go. It certainly broke the ice 🤢

Like the Royal Family and the Pope, I had a fartectomy at an early age, so am never troubled by wind.

I do remember being in a swanky hotel lounge, and a gentleman raised himself on to one buttock, released a particularly loud one, then, in an equally loud voice, announced to his wife, “ Ooh, rather gaseous tonight dear”!

My grandchildren (boy 7 and girl 4) can do it to order. I’ve no idea how they do that but obviously they think it’s funny

We were moving house and had to stay with my parents. My mum is disabled and has great difficulty getting up from her chair. We had our beautiful bulldog Libby with us who decided she would now sleep in front of the TV and close to the fire. She did a silent but deadly fart and it suddenly hit everyone’s nostrils and it sent us all scattering out of the door to the kitchen (even Libby) but my mum was trapped in her chain wretching waving a magazine in front of her face. Libby has been gone for about 18 years now and my mum still tells the story of how she was abandoned in a stench filled room.

Hate that word, sorry.

What would you use instead Mojack26? Some people say trump instead which seems very appropriate..

Bottom burps?

Mojack26

Hate that word, sorry.

I agree. I would say ‘pass wind’ if I had to say it at all!

Pharting is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease.
It warms the bed on chilly nights,
And drives away the fleas!

Daddima

Like the Royal Family and the Pope, I had a fartectomy at an early age, so am never troubled by wind.

I do remember being in a swanky hotel lounge, and a gentleman raised himself on to one buttock, released a particularly loud one, then, in an equally loud voice, announced to his wife, “ Ooh, rather gaseous tonight dear”!

Fartectomy

When my long-gone mother-in-law went downstairs each morning, she farted on each step as she went down. This was in her later years, and I always remember her wearing her cross-over pinny and tartan slippers.

I can’t remember anyone using the word never mind doing it in my family.

This thread has made me laugh so much. I have a friend who cited her husband's farting as a reason for divorce ie unreasonable behaviour. Her solicitor said it wasn't unreasonable, she said it was because he pinned her under the bed clothes! It still makes me giggle thinking of her saying that to her starchy solicitor.

I once read a book where one character gave ‘a blast on the botty trumpet’

🤣🤣 😂
My mum wouldn’t even use the word trump as she thought it was much too common. Her and my dad called it popping - ‘have you popped Arthur’ 😂
She didn’t like ‘bum’ either. She couldn’t bring herself to say bum bag, she used to call them bottom bags! I could see her cringing when my mother in law said it’s time to change my baby’s bum bum 🥴

Reminded me of this you tube clip …😂
youtu.be/N5_x8rrT_BQ
Link might not work, but can see it by typing
Naga Munchetty brazenly farts on BBC Breakfast

Mojack26

Hate that word, sorry.

Me too!
My family know to call it "passing wind" if I am with them.

Danma

My grandchildren (boy 7 and girl 4) can do it to order. I’ve no idea how they do that but obviously they think it’s funny

Our grandsons love asking our Alexa to demonstrate various types then adding them all to my shopping list. I often feel sorry for her as she’s normally quite refined.

My DHs grandfather used to give him a finger to pull on when he was a little boy, before letting off a loud "trump"!

Someone gave my daughter, when young, a whoopi cushion and it kept her amused for a long time. She had a doctor's outfit and when someone sat on the carefully hidden cushion she'd rush up to offer her medical services screeching "that sounds very bad, I think I should examine you" She's a doctor now with a very healthy attitude to normal bodily functions and a fund of outrageously funny stories. Call it what you want but farting is completely normal.