Gransnet forums

Chat

Would you allow a neighbour to use your shower?

(184 Posts)
biglouis Fri 08-Nov-24 01:11:55

Interesting discussion on Mumsnet where a neighbour has a broken shower that cant be fixed for 2 weeks and asks OP if she can use hers “every other day”. Op is taken aback and wants to refuse as she does not like visitors. However most posters tell her she is mean to refuse.

My nephew was recently in this position as the housing association could not fix it for 2 weeks. He showered here twice a week (40 minute walk) and the rest of the time made do with an old fashioned wash at the sink. Ive also had to do that for several days when my bathroom was being re-fitted. I would not have dreamed of asking a neighbour. I think its a dreadful imposition.

I was brought up in a house with an outside loo and no bathroom so all we had was a flannel wash at the sink or a tin bath once a week. We managed.

I would not allow a neighbour past my door. I don’t know them and they don’t know me.

What would you do?

Sarahr Sun 10-Nov-24 21:42:40

I see no problem with a neighbour, regardless of whether they are a friend or not, using our shower as long as they leave it as they find it.
One day I might need help.

Goldieoldie15 Mon 11-Nov-24 04:23:18

Without hesitation. Puzzling stories: flannel, outside loo, wash in the kitchen sink etc. it’s 2024 for goodness sake

GrammaH Mon 11-Nov-24 08:10:40

Of course, why on earth wouldn't I?

sazz1 Mon 11-Nov-24 09:55:01

My daughter's friend had no water for 2 days so I offered her and another family member use of our shower and filled up bottles of water for them. Yes I would let a neighbour use our shower it's a decent think to do. All these people who put Be Kind on FB but in reality are quite selfish and wouldn't help anyone.

Athrawes Mon 11-Nov-24 09:59:40

We have my grandchildrens friends visiting on occasion and they seem to be very good at cleaning!
If a neighbour asked I'd say yes - as long as they brought their own toiletries and towel

Farzanah Mon 11-Nov-24 10:45:41

What an amazingly long thread about simply allowing someone temporary use of a shower, and how illuminating. It’s made me think how we’d behave in more challenging circumstances. Some of us would pull up the drawbridge I suspect 🤔

MissAdventure Mon 11-Nov-24 10:53:36

I watched an amazing drama a few years back - so amazing, I have no idea what it was called.

It was about electricity no longer being available, and the extremes people went to, to ensure they were OK, above and beyond anyone else.

hugshelp Mon 11-Nov-24 12:43:49

I've offered to let a neighbour use ours, but I'd find being asked with the regularity specified an imposition.

Farzanah Mon 11-Nov-24 13:10:41

Thank god we’re not at war………yet, and having to share shelters and food!

CariadAgain Mon 11-Nov-24 13:40:10

Farzanah

Thank god we’re not at war………yet, and having to share shelters and food!

That would be quite a different ballgame for sure.

As part of the "Net Zero (or otherwise)" conversation a European politician (German I think?) was stating a reasonable amount of space in one's own home (ie as a single person) would be 50 square metres!!!! Basically it felt like she was saying "If you've got more than that = budge up and share" ! Was wondering if she's one of Klaus Schwab's acolytes...."You vill own nozzing.......".

Cue for me checking out Rightmove and that only amounted to a small one bedroom flat. Errrrm......as it is I'm there thinking "Well I had less space than that in those years in grotty Bedsitland back in the 1970s" - but very aware compromises on my existing house are I'm missing the 3rd bedroom, utility room, garage and more bathroom space that I want as it is. So any question of imposed lodgers billeted on me = not a chance Hosea.

alig99 Mon 11-Nov-24 21:10:59

When we used to live on a boat for 6 months of the year we carried a hundred litres of water we could make it last 2 weeks both of us having a shower everyday. I'm sure the neighbour could find away to shower, there lots of products on line that can be used to avoid intruding on a neighbour. Problem solved!

J52 Mon 11-Nov-24 22:50:28

At uni in the early 1970s I was in an all female hall of residence. Two girls had to share a wash cubicle that only had a sink, there were 6 lavatories and two bath rooms per 10 rooms.
We all survived and my wash cubicle buddy is my oldest friend!

Fidelity2 Mon 11-Nov-24 23:52:18

Why not buy beneath wipes

Fidelity2 Mon 11-Nov-24 23:55:31

Don't why I can't type why not use bed bath wipes!

Fidelity2 Mon 11-Nov-24 23:56:30

I give up!!!

Doodledog Tue 12-Nov-24 02:14:40

grin

biglouis Tue 12-Nov-24 03:18:14

Its not just a question of someone having access to an intimate space in your house. Rather that of feeling that you have to tidy up, and present yourself "properly" dressed (rather than relaxing in your jimjams for those who like to when indoors) just becase some random cant manage with a washcloth and kettle for a couple of weeks.

For me, with limited mobility, the imposition would be having to get up from what I was doing, let them in, and then let them out again. It would be an infringement on my time and space. Ive never given my phone number to any neighbour and dont intend to. The harder you make it for people to ask for favours, the less likely they are to ask.

Macadia Tue 12-Nov-24 04:41:58

In Canada, during the power outages, my parents told me that every family (1950s) had to take in another family across town that was in an area with no power. I always thought that was sweet. Oh how times have changed?

CariadAgain Tue 12-Nov-24 08:35:58

biglouis

Its not just a question of someone having access to an intimate space in your house. Rather that of feeling that you have to tidy up, and present yourself "properly" dressed (rather than relaxing in your jimjams for those who like to when indoors) just becase some random cant manage with a washcloth and kettle for a couple of weeks.

For me, with limited mobility, the imposition would be having to get up from what I was doing, let them in, and then let them out again. It would be an infringement on my time and space. Ive never given my phone number to any neighbour and dont intend to. The harder you make it for people to ask for favours, the less likely they are to ask.

Must admit to laughing at the thought of making sure I was "properly dressed" if anyone turned up. Visitors are used to the fact that, if they're unexpected, they take me as they find me. There's one particular friend of mine that always calls unexpectedly - and by now I'm used to him teasing me about still being in my nightwear and/or the washing-up hasn't been done yet (as it's usually mornings he turns up). I don't draw much of a line between the style I wear as nightdresses and the style I wear as dresses sometimes. All visitors have got on their mind is "how fast am I going to get the kettle on" to make them a drink....ie that will be within 5 minutes...

Doodledog Wed 13-Nov-24 22:12:33

I do know what you mean where that is concerned, biglouis. I am a firm believer in one's home being one's refuge, and that we should be able to do as we like within our own walls without feeling answerable to others. I wouldn't encourage anyone to turn up with shampoo and a towel at random times.

I would offer a 'slot', probably early evening, which was convenient for both us and them, and would expect them to keep to that time. I am one who sometimes loafs about in PJs, and wouldn't want a random neighbour knowing that information grin. If I knew they were coming at 6.30pm, however, I would make sure I was presentable (I usually am by lunchtime anyway).

mumofmadboys Thu 14-Nov-24 08:24:51

I'm shocked that the simple favour of letting a neighbour have a shower is such a big deal to some people.

mae13 Thu 14-Nov-24 10:17:11

biglouis

Its not just a question of someone having access to an intimate space in your house. Rather that of feeling that you have to tidy up, and present yourself "properly" dressed (rather than relaxing in your jimjams for those who like to when indoors) just becase some random cant manage with a washcloth and kettle for a couple of weeks.

For me, with limited mobility, the imposition would be having to get up from what I was doing, let them in, and then let them out again. It would be an infringement on my time and space. Ive never given my phone number to any neighbour and dont intend to. The harder you make it for people to ask for favours, the less likely they are to ask.

Spot on! The bathroom IS the most intimate space in your domain - and I'd be apprehensive that allowing a neighbour to use this room just once might give them the idea that you were, silently, throwing them an open invitation.
No, sorry to say.

Allira Thu 14-Nov-24 11:41:16

mumofmadboys

I'm shocked that the simple favour of letting a neighbour have a shower is such a big deal to some people.

Every other day for weeks?

Possibly at 7 or 7.30am?

If you had one bathroom and a houseful of people trying to get ready for school and work I can't see how that would work, having a neighbour coming through the house, upstairs and possibly taking over the bathroom.

MissAdventure Thu 14-Nov-24 12:10:06

Ah, so not just a one off thing, then?

Jaxjacky Thu 14-Nov-24 12:10:31

mumofmadboys

I'm shocked that the simple favour of letting a neighbour have a shower is such a big deal to some people.

Me too momb I’m sure anyone would be grateful and slot in with a convenient time.