Why bother

My husband was behind a car which had its rear light out. At a set of traffic lights he pulled up beside it and told her that her light was out. Her response was to tell him to off. He said he would never bother again but he does

Why bother?
Because you're a decent human being. Hopefully not because you expect something in return, not even thanks. Your reward should come from knowing you did the right thing.

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Sister found a purse with a lot of money and several bank cards in a trolley at the supermarket. She handed it in to the supermarket and gave her name and address. She rang them a week later and was told it hadn't been collected. She remembered the unusual name on the cards and there were 3 in the phone book, she rang them all and left messages saying if they had lost a purse it was at the supermarket and left her phone no. No response from them at all and a couple of weeks later she rang the supermarket again, still not claimed and could not say what would happen next. She wished she'd taken to the police station which had been her first thought but did not want to actually take it out of the shop in case it looked as if she was stealing.

A good few years ago, I found a purse on the floor of a small shopping centre. I took it to the local police station which was close by. A few days later I received a thank you and some money as a reward! I returned the money with a letter explaining that it was enough to know that the owner had her purse back - I didn’t want rewarding for being honest.

kircubbin2000

I found £70 on the floor in a busy pub. I handed it to the barman but now wonder did he just keep it.

Why “ wonder did he just keep it”
Do you think everyone working in a service capacity is dishonest. Are only the customers capable of honesty?
To be honest, working behind a counter, I’m not sure what you expect me to do in these circumstances. I’d keep it aside to see if anyone asks.
Or do you think this is insufficient.

I remember being told that when you hand any thing of value in at the police station you can receive 10% of the value. I suppose they don't like being a lost property office now

I was at the Pleasure Beach a few years ago with a friend - 5 children between us. We went into a heavingly busy cafe and one of the children found an envelope under our table containing around £75.
We went with the child up to the counter to hand it in.. showing them the right thing to do etc.
They refused point blank to take it so we went to the very local police station and discovered they didn’t want it either.
So I’m afraid, after trying to do the right thing, we treated the kids.

formerly known as grandtante

I had a friend who lagged behind me so I was first inside the cafe and I don't know why but I always felt obliged to pay for us both while she sat down at a table.

She once said to me, you always pay for me so this time you pay for yours and I will pay for mine.

That totally finished me off, I never paid for her again, I never let her sit down while I got the food and made her queue in line to pick her own food and pay for it.

That relationship didn't last long at all.

Septimia, last year I was going to take my dog for a walk and as we passed my car I saw what I thought was some plastic rubbish that had blown away. When I went to pick it up it turned out to be two parcels that had fallen out of a delivery van. Luckily they were both for my street so our walk included delivering them. Both recipients were very grateful.

Many years ago I saw a toddler in tesco car park. She was heading towards a busy road. I picked her up and carried her to customer services. Her distraught father was there saying his child was missing. He saw me and snatched her from me. He looked so angry. No thank you but I put it down to him being quite upset.

I was about 10 years old when I found a pair of glasses in a case. There was an address inside the case so I walked about a mile to hand them back. The old lady opened the door, snatched them from me and slammed the door in my face. Never spoke or even said thank you. I was quite upset that she never said thanks to me.

It is good to be grateful. It is also good to be helpful. Sometimes the two do not go together, but it remains good to be helpful. We do not know what it is like to be the other person, or what anxiety or pain they may have. Perhaps they later wish they had said thank you - we will probably never know. But continue to feel good about kindness, regardless of what the other person does or says. I understand the feeling of wanting thanks - but surely kindness is not done for that 'reward'. It is worth doing for its own sake.

Cossy

You bother because you’re a decent person.

Please don’t stop bothering!

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Allira

We were outside TKMaxx on a very hot day a few years ago and saw a very distressed small child strapped in a car seat, no adult to be seen. Goodness knows how long he'd been left in there. I stayed by the locked car to try to calm him while DD went to find the mother.
When she was found she was most abusive!

I would have just phoned the police if I saw a child alone in a hot car. I have witnessed a baby almost dying because the mother was 'only gone for two minutes'. Someone else called the police and they came with an ambulance. The poor baby was so hot he was absolutely soaked and barely breathing. I'm not sure what happened to the mum as I was so angry, I just gave my details to the police and went home.

MrsMatt

Allira

We were outside TKMaxx on a very hot day a few years ago and saw a very distressed small child strapped in a car seat, no adult to be seen. Goodness knows how long he'd been left in there. I stayed by the locked car to try to calm him while DD went to find the mother.
When she was found she was most abusive!

I would have just phoned the police if I saw a child alone in a hot car. I have witnessed a baby almost dying because the mother was 'only gone for two minutes'. Someone else called the police and they came with an ambulance. The poor baby was so hot he was absolutely soaked and barely breathing. I'm not sure what happened to the mum as I was so angry, I just gave my details to the police and went home.

If we hadn't been able to find her we would have done; DD found her in the queue at the tills.

It happened another time at a clinic where I worked, we saw a car parked in the car park with a small child thrashing around inside, hot and terrified. No, not the child of a patient, it was the child of a visiting child psychologist, would you believe. He got short shrift from us.

Why bother indeed - sometimes? This morning in a central London station I travelled up the escalator behind a young man wearing a grey tracksuit. He was ahead of me as far as the electronic gate, & then I realised he was behind me. I don’t hold with fare-dodging so I entered the gate and stopped, turned round to face him & of course he was very close and trying to piggyback my ticket. Very clearly I told him “No, you don’t do that, you have to pay”. He looked at me as if I was talking Martian & tried to proceed. At this point I put my hand up at his chest level to indicate that he could not pass, and repeated what I’d said. Seemed like an impasse so I really loudly said “No. You have to pay” & looked over at the two station guards who I knew were close. Unbelievably they stayed where they were and told me to let him pass. He did, so obviously their Martian was preferable! But when I went over to them they said I had to put my own safety first & not to take any risks. Well b*** r me!! I was in full view of two healthy men! It was a crowded station! Yes, he could have pulled a knife or even a gun but if a 75 year old granny’s prepared to make an effort what are these guys paid to do? Grey tracksuit didn’t look at all down and out, he just knew he could get away with it. Made my blood boil at the time - although (now) I realise the tube staff had to think of passenger safety, & weren’t wearing protective clothing, so I don’t blame them I’m just annoyed that I ended up backing down. So, as the OP asks - Why bother?

Milliedog

Retired teacher here. Once, when our school closed due to deep snow, a mother refused to collect her 8 year old, so I walked the child back to her home (about 2 miles). When I knocked on the door, the mother opened it, dragged the child inside and slammed the door shut. No thank you. No offer of a jot drink. I took my frozen body back to my house - another 2 miles. The mother never ever thanked me.

This is definitely a case in favour of ‘name and shame’! What an unmentionable c*w! I hope Karma comes and bites her on the bum, and soon!

In Germany, the reward for finding an object/money/an animal is regulated by law. The finder has to immediately report finding the object either to the police or the local lost property office.
Should someone claim the object, then the person is obliged by law to pay the finder a reward of 5% of the value (above €10), or 3% if it is an animal. The reward may also be more than the 5%, at the discretion of the person who lost the item.
Should no one claim the object/money after 6 months, the finder is entitled to keep the object/money.

I have learned not to expect a thank you from most, as I have given substantial sums of money to grandchildren also gifts but never a thank you.

I found a wallet in the car park when dropping OH at the station; located a bank card, rang the bank and asked if they would call the person and tell them I had their wallet - I reasoned the person might be local and had probably got on or off the train. Bank person was so unhelpful, refused to ring the owner, and insisted they must cancel the cards and I must give them the name and card number. As this was ridiculous I refused, rang off, rootled about and found a number in the wallet, and rang the man. He checked his pockets, and was then almost beside himself with relief. He lived almost opposite the station. As he was now at work he gave me his address and I put the wallet through his letterbox. We never met, but a little glow of satisfaction, particularly for thwarting the bank and avoiding causing him even more angst, was a great reward. I do feel that if you do the right thing, the other person's reaction is neither here nor there.

I do feel that if you do the right thing, the other person's reaction is neither here nor there.
I quite agree (and yours is a lovely story).

I can’t believe that people genuinely don’t behave like decent people because someone once didn’t thank them for doing a favour. Is gratitude the only motive for doing the right thing?

Yes, it is good manners to say thank you, but in difficult situations people don’t always act the way they normally would. Some are just rude, of course, but even then, refusing to do the right thing in case you don’t get the right level of gratitude strikes me as very odd behaviour.

You bother because you have to live with your conscience.

RakshaMK

Why bother?
Because you're a decent human being. Hopefully not because you expect something in return, not even thanks. Your reward should come from knowing you did the right thing.

Yes- this is what I was going to say, Keep bothering and one day you may get the reward you seem to be seeking.