Feeling needy and lonely

Hello as Christmas gets near I am so sad , my daughter has cut me out of her life. I am worried my 13 year old grandson will remember me. My heart is broken.

Hello I am new on here , Christmas is so near. However I cannot look forward to it as my daughter has cut me out of her life. Will my grandson who is 13 remember me.

Daddima,I gave up everything because she brought the pup along with her.He took up a great deal of my time,which has been lovely.I also had work done on the garden and projects to do at home. I agree ,it’s those “wee comments” that I will miss.Contentment made me a little lazy!

You're fortunate to have each other and change is hard. Could you get a lodger for some company? And invite your daughter around once a week or whatever suits?

queenofsaanich69

Very good kind advice has been given,but you are looking at this the wrong way,think of when you pass on how awful it would be for your daughter if she was still living with you,how dreadfully lonely she would be
If she has more independence it won’t be as painful for her,you are taking the pain now to save her as much pain later.Write a plan of things you can do & set up little programs for each day.
Sometimes just going out for coffee you meet people to chat to,others are in your position so just look out for them,smile at everyone & enjoy the day,take one day at a time.

You are so right, thank you.

Good suggestion wellbeck. From what I have read the Homeshare scheme can be very successful..

Have you thought about a lodger or a HomeShare scheme?

Labadi0747

Allow yourself this time of sadness. I’m sure it will pass & you will eventually HAVE to get used to your new status quo . There is no choice.
I personally think pets help a lot when your in your own

Oh yes Laadi0747, very wise words. Given a little time it's quite amazing how quickly one can adapt to new situations.
Once one get used to being alone it's soon becomes difficult to get used to people once more again, they actually become an annoyance!
Yet equally we can switch back again, again. Humans are generally wonderfully adaptable given time or necessity. Anyway good luck & happiness JPB12. You will be fine. 😊

win

crazyH

All my 3 AC have lived with me for a time, at some point . It was hard work - I was so used to being on my own, I think I resented the invasion of my space. Not a nice mother, am I ? 😂

Then I am not a nice mother either as I would hate my son moving back in with me. I like my own space too and value my voluntary work and friends too much to have someone depending on me being around.

Why did you give up everything because your daughter moved in OP? surely she had her own life and friends? Living in each others' pocket is not good for either of you. Get out there and make a life for yourself like you had before. Friends are wonderful to have, likewise aquintences. You can never have too many.

Can I join too?
One of my sons stays overnight with me often, and I do find myself getting irritated at his small lapses, and would hate the idea of him being there permanently!
I think being lonely is a state of mind, rather different from being alone. I think that going to activities can definitely fill a void, and lessen time you’re ‘ on your own’, but what I found hard at first was nobody there to hear wee comments like, ‘ That’s the rain on again’, or, ‘ Have you seen my specs?’.
I also found coming home to an empty house hard.
I think my friend summed it up saying, ‘ Nobody to say goodnight to’

You’ll get there. ❤️

I do so feel for you, it will be a hard adjustment once your daughter moves out. I'm sure deep down you are pleased for her, don't let her see how upset you are.
My son moved back in with me for six months after a marriage break down, it was lovely. He recently moved out to his new place. He loves his new home, he hadn't been happy in his marriage for a very long time so I'm happy for him.
I'm on my own after DH died last year but l do have a dog, he is my lifeline and helps with the loneliness. But it's only a good idea to get one if you really love them as they are a lot of work.
A cat is easier.
Maybe try rejoining your activities, we have knit and knatter at our local library. I'm useless at knitting but still go along to meet people.
I have also made a wonderful friend here on granset net and speak to her most weeks, she is so lovely. It's amazing where you find friendship.

I understand how you feel but it had to happen at some point.
You’ll miss her but will still see her as she’s not going far.I think a pet is a good idea, but if you don’t want the bother of a dog, think about a cat, easy to take care of and a nice furry companion.

Get your own life. Your daughter is not far away. What would you have done if your son was on tours of duty in war zones, every knock on the front door could have brought devastating news.

Jackiest

Look to see if the activities you used to do are still running and if they are join in with them again. Also look for new things that have started. Start going to these again before your daughter moves out then it won't seem such a change.

Exactly.
And things you are really dreading are never that bad when they happen.

crazyH

All my 3 AC have lived with me for a time, at some point . It was hard work - I was so used to being on my own, I think I resented the invasion of my space. Not a nice mother, am I ? 😂

Then I am not a nice mother either as I would hate my son moving back in with me. I like my own space too and value my voluntary work and friends too much to have someone depending on me being around.

Why did you give up everything because your daughter moved in OP? surely she had her own life and friends? Living in each others' pocket is not good for either of you. Get out there and make a life for yourself like you had before. Friends are wonderful to have, likewise aquintences. You can never have too many.

I would take things a day at a time. You have done this before and can do it again. I also would think about a pet but only after some thought. For me, I think it’d be a cat….or even two…but obviously a dog would get you out and about more, if you feel attracted to the idea. Maybe you can also arrange a regular time to drop in to see your daughter, perhaps coffee at the weekend. She must realise how you’ll miss her and it sounds like you’ve really helped her out. Try not to worry. You are aware that physically, you’re suffering, due to the anxiety you’re feeling. It’s may not end up as bad as you’re thinking. And after giving it some time, you really don’t settle down, maybe you could investigate assisted living schemes in your area.

It's never a good idea to hang your happiness on another person Get back to all your activities and learn to love bring alone but not lonely Encourage your daughter with her move and be happy for her

Very good kind advice has been given,but you are looking at this the wrong way,think of when you pass on how awful it would be for your daughter if she was still living with you,how dreadfully lonely she would be
If she has more independence it won’t be as painful for her,you are taking the pain now to save her as much pain later.Write a plan of things you can do & set up little programs for each day.
Sometimes just going out for coffee you meet people to chat to,others are in your position so just look out for them,smile at everyone & enjoy the day,take one day at a time.

I wouldn’t suggest you get a dog unless you are very very fond of dogs, yes if you did it would give you are reason to go out, and they are fantastic company, I think you need to find out what’s going on where you live, of course you will miss her that’s natural but you cannot rely on family to make yourself happy you have to do that yourself. Good luck x

You are obviously a very sensitive person. Don't be afraid to talk to your GP and see if some counselling is possible for you on the NHS.
A dog is absolutely wonderful company. I would recommend a rescue dog over a year old as the best choice. I say this because I have taken a delightful little puppy on and I am exhausted. Love him to bits but should have thought it out more carefully at my age !

When my daughter left to get married..she convinced me to buy a dog…it was the best thing I ever did.. I found a group of local dog walkers and having a dog gives you a reason to get up in the mornings.. Some of the retirees also meet in the afternoon for-a quick hours blast around our local park..

Your daughter must have liked living with you as she was there for three years. Do you think she may be moving because she wants to give you your own space? Have you talked frankly about it?

Allow yourself this time of sadness. I’m sure it will pass & you will eventually HAVE to get used to your new status quo . There is no choice.
I personally think pets help a lot when your in your own

This is a time of change, and for some of us change is unsettling and can be upsetting. You will surely see your daughter, as she is close by, and now you have the opportunity to pick up the threads of some of the activities that you had before she came to live with you. Possibly you can help her with her new home, and it is important for her to have an independent life too. You may well find that your anxious symptoms go when it has all taken place and you are a few weeks along the road. Good luck.x

I kind of understand how you feel, I was worried about how life would be with just DH and me on our own after eldest DS finally moved out aged 36. Its been almost four months and to be fair we’ve had a lot going on so haven’t really had time to ourselves, but the thought is still at the back of my mind.

Is there a Move it or lose it class in your area? I joined one two years ago and now go to three a week. It's joyous and you will make friends.