Feeling needy and lonely

and yet I know it’s silly
I’m 77 and pretty fit
I am not being fair to my daughter

Don’t waste your life or your daughters.

Try not to think about it as that is just making the fear worse.. It has not happened yet and you are wasting the present moment. when the time comes just live day by day.. as LucyAnne says don't waste time.. enjoy each day and be grateful you have 2 happy DD's..

So sorry you're feeling like this. It must be like her flying the nest all over again and you've enjoyed the company. Sometimes the fear of what it will be is worse than the actual reality. Could you maybe plan for a few changes when she moves out? Do you have a pet? If not is there a pet you and your daughter could get for you? Have you told your daughter you're worrying about this? I don't mean in a way that makes her feel guilty but something like "I'm so happy for you that you'll have some independence and your own place, but I'm going to miss you being here and what can we think of that will make me feel less lonely?" ie give her the opportunity to suggest something.

You could also start joining some local groups in preparation and have a wider social life which might help. I can recommend getting a pet though :-)

I have some idea of how you feel JPB as my son who has lived nearby for many years will be moving for work a long distance away.
I am happy for him as I know this is a promotion but I will miss him being around. I hope you can find things to fill the gap in your life.

Look to see if the activities you used to do are still running and if they are join in with them again. Also look for new things that have started. Start going to these again before your daughter moves out then it won't seem such a change.

I don't think you should get a pet to fill a hole in your life, though I know people do.

My son has moved back in with me and there are times I can't wait for him to move out, though I know I will miss him a bit when he does. If that ever happens which just now seems unlikely.

You say you stopped the activities you used to do before she came back. Why? You say it was because you were content. It seems you look for others to give you what you feel you need.
I suggest you go back to those activities you abandoned for this reason.

I think you should be happy that your daughter is getting on with her ownlife now and you should get on with yours.

I don't wish to sound harsh but I agree you are not being fair to your daughter.

Maybe have a word with your GP too about the loss of appetite, this could be anxiety setting in and that's understandable. There should also be help available from Age UK and other charities too.

I hope you can see this as another opportunity for both yourself and your daughter. I wish you both well.

Time to get back out there and resume your social life. WI's, voluntary work, the list is endless. Make a time for you and your daughter to get together either in your homes or a trip out. It comes to us all and can be a low time in your life but try to pick up the threads of before. I hope you get back into the swing of things and wish you well.

Maybe talk with your daughter about meeting up once a week - at an activity you’d both enjoy and then coffee or lunch afterwards? I would definitely start to do the activities you enjoyed previously yourself too - meeting with others and keeping fit will boost your mood.

It sounds like you have fallen into a comfortable rut and are understandably upset about having to come out if it.
Congratulate your daughter, she really should have a place of her own. There is no easy way for you to get out of your rut, it is very much a case of ripping off the plaster and going back out there, try to resume the active life you once had, there really is no other way.
Wishing you all the best 🌺❤️

Definitely time to pick up those activities again. Try your local U3A .... there will be lots going on. Join now before DD lives and get stuck in ready for when she goes.
Think of it as one more new phase of life to be mined for it's possibilities.
Grab the positives .... your DD is fit and well, she is moving on to a new life, she is not far away, you will see her lots, you are young enough to find new activities ... I know it feels hard, but sometimes things feel worse in prospect than they do when the time comes. Good luck.

I think we adjust in time to the situation. I have had dd2 living with me, she now has her own flat and I did miss her but have found that I gradually adjusted back afterwards. I do have a dh though. I am considering getting a puppy to fill the “hole”. Other dog walkers are friendly folk on the whole.

keepingquiet

I don't think you should get a pet to fill a hole in your life, though I know people do.

My son has moved back in with me and there are times I can't wait for him to move out, though I know I will miss him a bit when he does. If that ever happens which just now seems unlikely.

You say you stopped the activities you used to do before she came back. Why? You say it was because you were content. It seems you look for others to give you what you feel you need.
I suggest you go back to those activities you abandoned for this reason.

I think you should be happy that your daughter is getting on with her ownlife now and you should get on with yours.

I don't wish to sound harsh but I agree you are not being fair to your daughter.

Maybe have a word with your GP too about the loss of appetite, this could be anxiety setting in and that's understandable. There should also be help available from Age UK and other charities too.

I hope you can see this as another opportunity for both yourself and your daughter. I wish you both well.

Thank you you are so right , I do look for others to give me what I think I need. Time to be positive in myself.

Good for you! You are enough, and more. I really hope things work out.

Thank you everyone, for your kindness and good advice.x

Making someone else (spouse, friend, sibling, child) responsible for your happiness is placing a huge burden on them, and you obviously know this. You may have to “fake it till you make it” in order not to spoil things for your daughter, but since you love her you can do it.

JPB123, It's ok to feel sorry for yourself for maybe an hour or so. Then you need to be practical and look after yourself. It's up to you what you want and need so get cracking.

All my 3 AC have lived with me for a time, at some point . It was hard work - I was so used to being on my own, I think I resented the invasion of my space. Not a nice mother, am I ? 😂

Crazy H. the children will be thankful you are so independent of spirit.

Is there a Move it or lose it class in your area? I joined one two years ago and now go to three a week. It's joyous and you will make friends.

I kind of understand how you feel, I was worried about how life would be with just DH and me on our own after eldest DS finally moved out aged 36. Its been almost four months and to be fair we’ve had a lot going on so haven’t really had time to ourselves, but the thought is still at the back of my mind.

This is a time of change, and for some of us change is unsettling and can be upsetting. You will surely see your daughter, as she is close by, and now you have the opportunity to pick up the threads of some of the activities that you had before she came to live with you. Possibly you can help her with her new home, and it is important for her to have an independent life too. You may well find that your anxious symptoms go when it has all taken place and you are a few weeks along the road. Good luck.x

Allow yourself this time of sadness. I’m sure it will pass & you will eventually HAVE to get used to your new status quo . There is no choice.
I personally think pets help a lot when your in your own

Your daughter must have liked living with you as she was there for three years. Do you think she may be moving because she wants to give you your own space? Have you talked frankly about it?

When my daughter left to get married..she convinced me to buy a dog…it was the best thing I ever did.. I found a group of local dog walkers and having a dog gives you a reason to get up in the mornings.. Some of the retirees also meet in the afternoon for-a quick hours blast around our local park..