“Feeling Lonely? Let’s Chat and Support Each Other”

Hello. I've been lurking on the thread but wanted to say I identify with being lonely because I'm a widow too, having lost my husband to cancer 16 years ago. A previous poster described that her grief and mourning went through stages over the years and I think this has been very true for me.
For those who have recently lost their SO, I can remember feeling physically and emotionally ill for up to two years - couldn't eat, couldn't sleep for months, fearful of quite ordinary situations after being a busy and successful professional, learning how to deal with technical and mechanical things, how to shop for one, how to turn up solo at social events without feeling totally exposed. It all slowly got better - we all have to invent the 'new normal'- it isn't handed to us on a plate. We have to make it happen.
I am so much better at being alone now. I can be sad at times, triggered by random events, music, scenes, but I know that my husband is safe in my heart and I can be happy, content, enjoy my family and friendships, and lead a wonderful interesting life.
So to those of you struggling to cope and survive after loss, especially over Christmas and other celebrations, hang on in there, head high, look beautiful, be kind to others, walk, talk, eat, drink, sleep, go out into the world. Do your best. Getting better will happen.
Happy festive season to everyone here.

BA69 - well done on booking a wee break away between Christmas and New Year. I think it is a great idea.
I have spent two Christmases on my own since my DH. First one was because I was awaiting covid results. Turned out I didn't have covid but did spend a peaceful day with my lovely old dog. Last year I was meant to spend the day with my son, dil and family but last minute problems meant I couldn't. I could have gone to friends but chose to stay at home. I found if you think of it as any other day, treat yourself to something indulgent to eat (and drink!), go for a walk, etc the day can pass by. If I wasn't in the static caravan I would actually prefer to be on my own for the day ( much as I love my son and his wee family) as worry about getting through the day without tears as have been very emotional recently. The days are dark and short up north and I do think I should have brought my SAD lamp with me! At least the shortest day is now over and in a few weeks it will be light when I finish work.

Christmas Eve! Not looking a bad day out there. Planning on nice walks today in readiness for over eating ha ha. On our own tomorrow but have family on Boxing day and on Friday. To all on this site, I hope today is calm and peaceful and if you feel lonely at all just come on and post. One of us will be around, I'm sure!

JPB there is a thread about .Gransnet meet-ups and I'm sure you'll find a group withn striking distance of you.

I am sorry to all of you who are feeling lonely. For me, I worry about future loneliness. I am an only child and I have no children. I am still young enough to, but I just can't bring a child into the world to be as lonely as me (they would have no aunties, uncles or cousins etc).

I worry so much about being alone in the future, should anything happen to my parter. The thought of spending Christmas alone as an elderly person, then eventually dying alone is literally eating me alive and consuming my thoughts every second of the day.

I'm taking a half-hour break from preparing for Christmas. I have a fairly lonely life - no family left, few friends (they've mostly died before me, leaving a very depleted circle - let's face it, the circle is pretty much nonexistent now). Yet I still "do" Christmas every year. Full dinner on Christmas Eve, grazing buffet all Christmas Day, cold cuts and chips on Boxing Day. No gifts to open now, so I regretfully kissed all that goodbye a long time ago. This is the first year when I haven't put up any decorations (can't get into the loft due to a fall a few weeks ago - and no, I don't know anyone who can go up there for me). I've read these messages with great comfort and I send my very best wishes to all of you who don't have anyone to share Christmas with (and all of you who do, but are lonely anyway!). Chin-chin, people (raising a glass of Pimms & lemonade to you all).

@NonGrannyMoll Aww it's nice that you still take the time to treat yourself with lots of nice food. Wishing you all the very best too.

StrawberriesandpearsI'm sorry you feel so worried about the future. Our fears rarely happen.
I was widowed a long time ago and I had feared what life would be like without my DH but the reality is different. I have adult children but they all live quite far away. Living alone is something you get used to and I am now happy with my single life.
I have made new friends since my DH died and have new hobbies. I still miss him of course but my life has changed such a lot since then.
Focus on your time now. The future has a habit of looking after itself.

I worry about future loneliness. I am an only child and I have no children. I am still young enough to, but I just can't bring a child into the world to be as lonely as me (they would have no aunties, uncles or cousins etc).

Strawberriesandpears your child could have a sibling?
Don't write yourself off yet 😊

Strawberries - There is still time to contact old friends and to make new ones. Hopefully you could ask one person or more in for a coffee, or suggest meeting in a cafe or pub, even if this feels very difficult? Can you look at all the people in your address book and email some who are not local, with a little bit of news, saying you are just keeping in touch?
My friends are crucial to me and I do make big efforts to keep in touch. Even if you feel people would be surprised?!

@AGAA4 Thank you for helping to reassure me a little. I definitely understand what you mean about life changing and perhaps finding a way of working out. I think perhaps at the moment I am too young to have that kind of perspective and experience.

I am glad to hear you have managed to build a good life for yourself, and I wish you all the best for the future too.

@V3ra Yes, in theory I would possibly have time for two, but I would still be worried about them having no wider family. My partner has no siblings either. I would worry about us dying and the children being left on their own. I don't know if I am worrying unduly though or being realistic and sensible.

@Indiebee Yes I think I definitely need to focus on build more friendships. I have tried to do that this year, and do now have one good friend who also has no children or wider family. I can think of other people I would like to get back in touch with too, so I will make that an aim for the new year. Thank you for the suggestion.

Strawberries, please don't worry about the future, it never turns out as expected. Have you heard the saying, Make plans and see God smile , I can’t tell you how true that is and how fast life goes by. Enjoy the now.

Strawberriesandpears
Please don’t waste time now worrying about the future as you never know what is round the corner. Joining groups with like minded people may help. It is a good way of building a network of friends. I had to do this when I moved away from family and friends. This then led to attending other events and meeting different people. I did make some good friends, it’s a shame I moved again and am having to start all over. I have earmarked a couple of groups to start after Xmas. I find the initial first few weeks the hardest but know it will be okay. Try to enjoy what you have now .I wish you well.

@Allsorts Thank you. I hadn't heard that phrase before, but I definitely appreciate and understand what you say. Life is very unpredictable. I just find it hard knowing that being alone at some point in my life will be very difficult to avoid. It doesn't help that a few years ago I came across the blog of an older lady who is an only child. Her husband has died and she has no children. Her blog is all about how hard she finds life and now I feel as though it is like looking into a mirror and seeing my own future.

I really want to try and enjoy the now more, because right now my circumstances should make me happy. But the dark cloud of the future looms large over me and blocks out the sun, if that makes sense.

@Truffle43 Thank you too. I am looking for some groups to join too. It's just hard for me to find the time as I have a full time job. I guess I don't need to do everything right now though. I can have plans for the future too. I hope it goes well for you.

I live in a London suburb, and before COVID, I set up a GN meet at Debenhams Oxford Street. At least 10 turned up, and we had a great time. After that, we met regularly until COVID, and Debenhams had the audacity to close down.

I meet two others locally for coffee once a month, and I have made a very good friend with a lady who started off as a penfriend. She lives on the other side of London, so we meet at John Lewis. I have two others, but they live too far away to visit or even meet halfway.

@Charleygirl5 That is good to hear. That is a real plus side about living in the internet age - we can make connections fairly easily.

I wish everyone A very happy Christmas. I think I may be the first one of they day. So whether you are actually alone, or feel alone , surrounded by other people, there is someone thinking of you all. I live alone, and if you have followed me recently you know I have only just got home. after the bathroom disaster. So I wanted to go to midnight service, but wasnt feeling well enough to go out. Instead I thought I would watch midnight mass on the television, raise a small glass of single malt at midnight to everyone, and then, as I have at last been able to unlock the washing machine, would put some washing on , and go to bed. What actually happened is that I did a few bits and pieces, couldnt find my radio times to see what channel I would get either a midnight mass, or there is usually something from Bethlehem. Listened to some radio 3, and then fell asleep, and now here I am at 1.30am, cold and creaky from sleeping in the chair. So I shall totter off to bed ,having missed it all, but I do wish everyone of you Happy Christmas. My son still has not been in touch, so dont know when I am likely to see anyone of the family , but it wont be today. So I shall be like the queen, and will choose another day to be my "official" Christmas like her "official" birthday. That means today, when I get up, I will just go at my own pace, but have an ordinary day with extras. I shall try to make some order, from the chaos I am surrounded by, every little job will be an improvement on the present chaos. If it is dry, the washer will be going non stop, things will be put back to where they should be. I hope to discover where the iron has disappeared to, get lots of rubbish thrown out. Go through lots of post that came while I was stuck in the hotel and get my new calendar out, not to put it up yet but write up appointments. But I shall have the pleasure of radio 3 and 4 to keep me company and looking forward to cooking my own christmas dinner whenever it suits me!! So I have a small leg of lamb and shall make a lovely roast and have a glass of wine with it. I shall also continue my garden routine for christmas and new years day. I walk round the garden looking to see what is flowering, cutting back any damaged stems and branches, and writing notes on each border. I always have my secateurs to hand and a bag for the rubbish, so I do not have to pick it up from the ground later. The secateurs have, of course, a practical use but I recommend the habit to you all. As I use them for their practical purposes, I think of people such as Donald Trump, or Putin or whoever as I snip with a flourish!!
Hurrah for Gransnet , so that today we have that option, to not even look or post as it is Christmas day and know that we may not be with anyone physically , but we have a whole range of people interested in our ideas and thoughts and who <in the main, treat us kindly, give good advice and ideas we might not have thought of to deal with any situation. We will usually feel better for having this wide range of people who are interested in us and our ideas. There will be someone reading your post and responding to you, whatever the situation and hopefully you will feel better for the contact, as I do. So again A very Happy Christmas day and I look forward to reading many more interesting posts over the next year.

Just wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas and hope 2025 will be a good year for you all.

Hopefully those of you on your own today will get phone calls or texts from loved ones and friends .
🥂🎄⛄💝

Happy Christmas to everyone..

Allsorts thankyou for your comment, I struggle to appreciate being alive, though I don`t think I am very unhappy.. just don`t understand how life, well people are so cruel etc.. now I think I see....

"Make plans and see God smile " a glimmering of understanding...

Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful Christmas. I saw an item on tv earlier this morning about a 24hr telephone line run by Age UK called Silver Line. It’s a friendly listening ear for anyone who’s feeling a little lonely.

The volunteer emphasised during the tv interview that it’s not just for those living alone with no family. She recognised it can be a sad and lonely time arriving back to an empty house even after spending the day with family and friends.

Their number is 0800 4 70 80 90 for anyone who feels like having a friendly chat.

www.ageuk.org.uk/services/silverline/

To everyone on their own today, just to wish you a happy day. I am 77 years old and this is my first Christmas on my own as I lost my husband of 53 years last August. I know everyone is different but I personally need to be alone today, I am feeling sad of course and remembering all our Christmases together, but I feel I couldn't bear to be among any family gatherings. I shall allow myself to be sad and cry if I need to. My door is closed to any callers, just for today. Does anyone else feel like this

More than happy to chat to anybody who is feeling a bit wobbly today. I can't guarantee if will make any sense!

I think BA69 that is a sensible way to handle a big challenge.