Going off to Boarding school as eight year old girls

My Father was born in Kenya and when his mother (my grandmother) died my grandfather sent him and his younger brother and sister back to boarding establishments in England My father being the oldest was told to look after them. He was four years old.

Neilspurgeon0

This is very much an Army thing. I was Navy and whilst I spent a long time away from my family, they were with their Mum in the home I had set up close to the port where most of my ships docked, and obviously got home as much as possible.

The Army expect SNCOs and Officers to have more concern for their barracks and the mess than the ‘normality’ of family life. It is a key reason why so many ex Army and many ex RAF chaps do not settle when they leave. This is very different from the majority of Naval NCOs who often borrow the money from the Navy to set up a home base with a stable home life, not that long after we marry.

I could never have considered consigning my children to Boarding School, my uncle who worked in Nigeria, sent his son who hated it and was always running away - usually to our home or his Grand ma’s.

Yes, while you were off sailing the Seven Seas and being entertained when the ship docked in foreign ports, your OH was at home coping with the house, garden, children, perhaps a job and everything that entails.

Army and RAF families were more likely to get a Married Accompanied than Naval families, too

Maybe I'm thick, but I've never seen the point of having children if you aren't going to bring them up.

I suppose, if the parents' jobs are abroad, moving every two or three years and local education is not good, then the option of boarding schools giving some stability is a good option. Particularly if it is funded by the employer.

I think weekly boarding must be quite different Suzie than being away full time. I only knew one person who did that though.

As usual, there are plenty of opinions on here from people who actually know very little about the subject. People's children usually board for a reason and I find the idea of people en masse saying boarding at 8 is cruel really offensive. I'm sure there are GNs apart from me whose children did board from a very young age but they're keeping quiet in the face of all the ill informed statements on here. Both of our children weekly boarded from the age of 8 at a fairly local private school. We were unhappy with the teaching at the local primary school and felt it was failing our children. In addition, at the time, we were both working 12/14 hours a day, 7 days a week on our family dairy farm. Day school pick ups and drop offs coincided with the busiest time of day then, after school, when the children were playing at others' houses or having friends round or doing after school activities, we'd again be tied up and not able to take them places. We knew that, at boarding school, they'd have friends on hand and lots of after school activities. Our daughter always loved school & was always happy and got a scholarship at 13 to a well known co ed public school where she boarded some long way from home & immersed herself in the life there, ending up a senior prefect with lifelong friends. Our son was never quite as keen as his sister but probably would've disliked any school, boarding or not. Like all parents I'm sure, we did what we thought was best for them at the time. They are both well rounded characters approaching their 40s with excellent jobs and I don't feel that they've been in any way disturbed by their experiences. In fact, our son is sorry that he can't afford to send his boys to boarding school. I'd be very pleased to hear of any other GNs with children who have boarded and enjoyed their school time.

In my childhood army postings were usually accompanied, that meant when the army person moved their family moved with them and accommoation was provided.

Wherever we went accommodation we lived in a fully furnshed army quarter. We just had to move in andunpack our personal effects. My father worked a normal 9 - 5 day, coming home for lunch as well as at the end of the day because the quarter was so near his place of work.

Army life is very social, but, again most of it is/was on a family or couple basis, with only the monthly Mess Dinner being for serving members only.

The reason many, mainly non-officer ranks, have difficulty settling is because many of them join the army, consciously or not because they want structure in their lives, quite a number have had chaotic childhoods. They thrive as servicemen/women, with that structure around them, but when they leave the army that structure goes too and they are back to where they were before they joined up and they find it difficult to recreate that structure. This is why you find so many ex service people working in other uniformed or structured invironments like in the police, prison warders, security industry.

In my childhood army postings were usually accompanied

Yes.

Whereas RN personnel, unless they were lucky to get a shore base or rare Married Accompanied, were usually at sea. I understand thee deployments are shorter now but they used to be for at least 12 months and, in my DF's early days, 2¾ years.

I woujd never have sent my children to boarding school and have come across several people still distressed as adults about it - most especially a woman of 42 who was still asking her Vicar father and wife why they sent her away before her siblings even tho older than them . Still distressed .

I can understand how people who sent their children to boarding school or who went to boarding school are defending the method and of course it’s different for everyone we each have to know what’s right for us
I can only talk for myself and know I could never have sent my kids away, ever those bedtime stories, tucking them up, the cuddles when they were upset, the showing them how to manage problems, the looking after when they were ill I wouldn’t have missed anything for the world
Watching that little girl cuddling her teacher when all she really wanted was her mum was heartbreaking
I was left with three children and no money no support except my lovely parents. For a year me and the three children slept in one double bed 2 up 2 down we had a shared toilet down a dark landing that I d have to go with each of them to, each time but I could no more have missed that time than chop my arms off
My children and all my grandchildren have done very well in life with ordinary education in ordinary schools

None of those who so catagorically say they would never send their children to boarding school have told us what they would have done, if they had been a forces family, constantly on the move who, as I described in a previous post

What if the alternative was for their children to go to 10 or more schools and, as a result leave school semi-literate and innunerate with no paper qualifications?

Some children were damaged by going to boarding school, but just as many children have grown up damaged by their experience living at home and going to the local secondary school.

I went to boarding school as did my sisters and I still had a close relationship with my parents and have had none of the doom laden effects that therapist, with a living to earn, prophesise.

I have also met children, who were dragged through multiple house changes and numerous schools, ending up with no qualifications that were just as mixed up and traumatised as the result of their education as any that went to boarding school.

As usual, there are plenty of opinions on here from people who actually know very little about the subject. People's children usually board for a reason and I find the idea of people en masse saying boarding at 8 is cruel really offensive. I'm sure there are GNs apart from me whose children did board from a very young age but they're keeping quiet in the face of all the ill informed statements on here. Both of our children weekly boarded from the age of 8 at a fairly local private school

There are many different contexts to making the decision to send a child to Boarding school and as an ex boarder I am glad that I never had to consider/make such choices. It is good that it worked for you and your family Gramma

I think that weekly boarding is a very different beast to termly boarding. Historically boarding was not just largely linked to Service families or very privileged rich families. The whole Missionary Society set up incorporated a principle of children being left in Boarding school. In the 1930's there was no travel to family in the holidays so guardians were appointed and children didn't see their parents for the whole, usually 7 year, "term of service" after which parents returned home for a years furlough. In the 1950's/60's missionary societies started paying for flights for the children for one summer holiday in a 5 year term of service!

eight is a step to far, how very upset that little girl was while away and when home for a short break cuddling up to her mummy sucking her thumb. Ten is a better option in my opinion..

I wonder how many of you watched the film in the op.

My sister has been so damaged by going to Boarding School at the age of 5. I saw it as a lucky escape from a chaotic, abusive family life but there were so many things I didn't learn about family relationships, etc which have left their mark. I was extremely lonely at Boarding School and it took years for me to overcome the feeling of a being a social outcast. I would never, ever have sent my kids away. I loved having them home after school and during the holidays.

The "I would never have sent my children to boarding school" crowd don't seem to have ever been confronted by the need to decide. How arrogant to think those whose parents were got it wrong.

The "I would never have sent my children to boarding school" crowd don't seem to have ever been confronted by the need to decide. How arrogant to think those whose parents were got it wrong.
This. Thank you.

Greyduster

^The "I would never have sent my children to boarding school" crowd don't seem to have ever been confronted by the need to decide. How arrogant to think those whose parents were got it wrong^.
This. Thank you.

Indeed.

Yes, wrong to say "I wouldn't" - well, neither would I, we'd send to day school, as I said. However my husband was never forced by his job to decide if he should quit or they should board.

I wonder how many children were actually impacted, divorced parents, mission work, forces (are there no schools as at Lakenheath air station?).

It's like anything else, people feel differently, no right or wrong.

I would have gone to boarding school if I hadn’t passed the 11 plus, as my parents didn’t think the local secondary moderns and private schools were good enough. I did several entrance exams. The prospect didn’t worry me at all. I saw it as an adventure. However, it didn’t happen, so my feelings were never tested.

I once had a boyfriend who was sent to boarding school when he was seven. He felt it was a failure on the part of his parents. I lost touch with him, so I don’t know what he did about his own children.

Allira

^He has had a variety of low paid jobs like gardening, decorating etc^

Good for him. At least he has been working and in fact our gardener and decorator are not low paid, nor are any I know!

I see you missed out the next sentence which was about his alcohol problems. His life was seriously messed up by his parents not listening to him.

icanhandthemback

My sister has been so damaged by going to Boarding School at the age of 5. I saw it as a lucky escape from a chaotic, abusive family life but there were so many things I didn't learn about family relationships, etc which have left their mark. I was extremely lonely at Boarding School and it took years for me to overcome the feeling of a being a social outcast. I would never, ever have sent my kids away. I loved having them home after school and during the holidays.

Are you suggesting that parents of children at boarding school would not have loved to have their children home after school and during the holidays? - by the way most boarders did go home for the holidays.

That is an unjust and untrue slur on parents who had to make this hard decision, and did so with deep sadness and grief.

Primrose53

Allira

He has had a variety of low paid jobs like gardening, decorating etc

Good for him. At least he has been working and in fact our gardener and decorator are not low paid, nor are any I know!

I see you missed out the next sentence which was about his alcohol problems. His life was seriously messed up by his parents not listening to him.

Oh, I probably did.
Apologies. I was just thinking about how much gardeners and decorators charge here and we're in the sticks, not the South-east.
I still say good for him working if he has problems too.

I longed to go to boarding school. All those Mallory Towers, Chalet School and St Clares books! A couple of friends did go at age 11 and loved it.

I'm with BlueBelle.
We would have changed career rather than give up our children.

I did meet a family 20 years ago who home educated rather than give up an army career. I assume that they were posted to places where home education is legal but didn't really know them. They were friends of friends.

Sending children away to boarding school in today's world isn't really giving them up. In modern boarding schools, the parents are very much the deciding force in their child's education and care. It's a partnership between the school and the parents, and technology has made it far easier for parents to stay very involved in all aspects of their child's life.
Children may be away from their parents in a physical sense, but it doesn't mean they can't feel their parents' presence in other ways.

The decision to send a child to boarding school depends on individual circumstances and values. It's a deeply personal choice, and what's right for one family might not be for another. What's most important is ensuring that the child is happy and thriving and that you believe, and they understand, that you are doing the best you can in the circumstances that exist for you.

Judging by the demographic on Gransnet, parents had often been in the forces protecting this country before, during, and/or just after the war or in other times of threat to this country. More recently families often decide, at critical times in education, to settle in one place. This then splits the couple and one parent is much less hands on. This, just like those who chose boarding school, may work for some and not for others. Just like those who board verses those who don't, some thrive in the environment parents provide and some don't. However, the vast majority of parents do what they feel to be the best for their families.

If those being judged were to judge the parenting of those who think they know what was best for others, I wonder how they would be seen? No one gets parenting 100% right.

Why don’t the Mums homeschool their children ?
We traveled a lot children came with us & we’re homeschooled
They’ve turned out just fine & are very competent in life They love traveling themselves have careers they love & are loving adults. Best way to go in my view