Going off to Boarding school as eight year old girls

BS to my mind stands for something else, never in the month of Sundays could I ever send my child to Bs I preferred hugs and kisses every day from my babies even when they’ve grown up. They’re so precious and you can never recover from this type of separation even if you believe your child is happy, don’t be such a snob, children at state schools can do just as well as bs and public school in loving family circumstances

I m not judging those that do, but saying that I never could
I only have really known one person who went to boarding school at a very young age and in adult life he was totally effed up could not manage relationships and dived in at the deep end without the ability to work relationships out at all and his inability messed up other people (and he was a lovely lad)

I was a RAF service wife and everywhere we went there were ‘on base’ schools perhaps we were just lucky … and I divorced before the youngest was school age but I couldn’t have been parted from my kids for a million pounds

I will just add the young man himself said it was his school life that messed him up he was insecure and had missed so much home life

Tamayra

Why don’t the Mums homeschool their children ?
We traveled a lot children came with us & we’re homeschooled
They’ve turned out just fine & are very competent in life They love traveling themselves have careers they love & are loving adults. Best way to go in my view

Why shouldn't parents have the right to chose boarding, just as you had the right to chose home schooling?

Why are you to be seen as "right" while they are to be seen as "wrong"?

I wonder how many children were actually impacted, divorced parents, mission work, forces (are there no schools as at Lakenheath air station?).
As far as I know, the schools at Lakenheath are run by the Americans for the Americans. I may be wrong.
With British forces, the problem only arises at secondary stage age 11. British bases have British schools for their junior children. At NATO bases British children attend schools run by the Americans and the Canadians, but they do not follow the British curriculum. The British children are usually a year or two ahead of the Americans and this leaves them treading water. DD was bright, and bored rigid. It was as if she had started school all over again. The decision was made to move her and several other British children into the Canadian school’s immersion system, where all their lessons take place in French and English is barely spoken. It was truly amazing. She was challenged. She thrived. Our posting ended when she was just short of eleven. Had we stayed there she would have had to board either in this country or at the British school at Rheindahlen Garrison in Germany. There was simply no provision for a secondary education that followed our model.
It’s easy for people to say “why doesn’t the mother stay at home with the children and provide stability?” How many of you would like to be separated from your husband for two or three years at a time. Being both mother and father to your two young children is hard on you and on them, believe me, and it affected my husband too. We were lucky it was only a year but not a year I would like to repeat. When he boarded my son spent all his long holidays with us and at half terms he stayed here in South Yorkshire with my very laid back sister in her large rambling house with her five rowdy boys for company, one of whom was the same age as he was. He loved it. Many of our friends had children at boarding school also and none of them took the decision to send them lightly. I don’t know of any of those children that was scarred by the experience. The decision as to whether we would have to send DD away to school came towards the end of DH’s career in the Army and so, for the sake of three years, he opted for his last posting in York instead of Hong Kong and came home every weekend to a house which we had bought.
While we were travelling around in the course of DH’s career, we came across some very strange misconceptions that civilians held about service people. It seems to me that some of them still endure.

I don't think home schooling would have been a better option for the mums in the film. They're already struggling in an emotional place with their husband's being away at war, (I think they said Afghanistan), without the added responsibility of teaching their child the curriculum. It wouldn't be the right environment for either the mum or the child.

Bonnybanko

BS to my mind stands for something else, never in the month of Sundays could I ever send my child to Bs I preferred hugs and kisses every day from my babies even when they’ve grown up. They’re so precious and you can never recover from this type of separation even if you believe your child is happy, don’t be such a snob, children at state schools can do just as well as bs and public school in loving family circumstances

You, like all the others stating your opinion, have yet to tell us what they would do if in the position of service and diplomatic families. The 'I would change my job' is a cop out, some people are able to do this, but that is not always practical - and how would our armed forces, diplomatic services and other professions manage, if everyone dropped out as soon as they became a parent. It is easy to say 'change jobs' but that is not always easy.

Recent research has shown that it is far too easy to blame the later mental and other problems of children who went to boarding school on their schooling. Often these adults also had troubled family backgrounds as well and as many of their problems arose from the interplay between school and family, where the child was unhappy at home as well as unhappy at school.

There is also a failure to realise that the biggest rise in mental health problems is in children attending state day schools and living at home with their not always loving families.

What is the evidence that adults who went to boarding school have any more problems in life than those who went to day schools. Some of the problems may be different, but not less frequent.

M0nica is correct. I think some surveys reveal that around 50% of state school day children identify that school has a negative effect on their mental health. Namely the stress, the workload, the rules and difficult relationships. As seen in the film, sometimes boarding school can actually help to relieve these pressures with the emphasis on sport, outdoor fun, communal eating and a clear routine.
Different problems in different settings, but most grow into normal unproblematic adults.

What is the evidence that adults who went to boarding school have any more problems in life than those who went to day schools. Some of the problems may be different, but not less frequent.

I've not seen any yet.

Our friends' children went to boarding schools from the age of about 10 and seem very well-adjusted adults.

I had my 7th birthday at boarding school. There was only one child younger than me, but he had his older brother there with him and seemed to be coping ok. I hated it.

My late DH boarded from the age of seven, as did his two brothers. He was very sporty and did in fact thrive, although he said the beginning was upsetting, with boys crying at night. I do feel seven was too young.

Later on, our son was offered the same opportunity, but fiercely resisted it and went to a school not far away which offered boarding ad hoc and he enjoyed that on rare occasions.

I had a very unhappy childhood and dreamt of boarding!

Greyduster
I wonder how many children were actually impacted, divorced parents, mission work, forces (are there no schools as at Lakenheath air station?)

As far as I know, the schools at Lakenheath are run by the Americans for the Americans. I may be wrong.
With British forces, the problem only arises at secondary stage age 11. British bases have British schools for their junior children. At NATO bases British children attend schools run by the Americans and the Canadians, but they do not follow the British curriculum.

Thank you for explaining. Schools exist at Lakenheath for the East Anglia American children. I believe American children attend school on the air station until leaving age. As you tell, we don't provide forces children schooling past age 11, why is children's schooling not prioritized?

My husband's job leads to much interaction with the American forces at the nearby air stations. They explain all sorts of interesting situations. It seems many of the spouses stay put in USA with their children, preferring to not raise them in difficult circumstance, and spouses want to work, remain in decent jobs.

Of course some spouses & children do move to East Anglia, the person in forces location, thus the air station school.

While we were travelling around in the course of DH’s career, we came across some very strange misconceptions that civilians held about service people. It seems to me that some of them still endure.

I suspect you are correct, many people know nothing of the forces. Seems that is a good thing indicating less turmoil of war.

I’ve had people say to me “Oh you don’t pay taxes do you, or fuel bills or rates? Everything is provided for you.” No. Our income was taxed like everyone else’s; we paid accommodation charges which included our fuel, and we paid council tax in this country. I can’t see how knowing the truth about the way a whole community exists and getting to know and understand them better has anything to do with “turmoil or of war”.
We were very good friends with a retired American couple - USAF - that we were neighbours with in Belgium when he was still serving. We often used to visit them in Thetford. We got to know a lot about the way that the American forces lived and worked in Norfolk and Suffolk. It was an eye opener.

I suspect you are correct, many people know nothing of the forces. Seems that is a good thing indicating less turmoil of war.
I don't understand that statement either.

Yes, we paid rent in Forces accommodation and household bills just like normal people! In fact, some of us had jobs too. I worked for the Health Authority and in Local Government. 😁

Allira

^I suspect you are correct, many people know nothing of the forces. Seems that is a good thing indicating less turmoil of war.^
I don't understand that statement either.

Yes, we paid rent in Forces accommodation and household bills just like normal people! In fact, some of us had jobs too. I worked for the Health Authority and in Local Government. 😁

Well, you quoted me. I meant I suppose having no knowledge of the forces could indicate people know less of the turmoil of war, currently. Or perhaps just don't know anyone in forces?

Given I left our words important to my meaning.

Greyduster

I’ve had people say to me “Oh you don’t pay taxes do you, or fuel bills or rates? Everything is provided for you.” No. Our income was taxed like everyone else’s; we paid accommodation charges which included our fuel, and we paid council tax in this country. I can’t see how knowing the truth about the way a whole community exists and getting to know and understand them better has anything to do with “turmoil or of war”.
We were very good friends with a retired American couple - USAF - that we were neighbours with in Belgium when he was still serving. We often used to visit them in Thetford. We got to know a lot about the way that the American forces lived and worked in Norfolk and Suffolk. It was an eye opener.

My husband is well acquainted with forces people in Suffolk. Their life is truly eye opening. Most, if spouse is with, are quite ready to go home! They seem to much prefer Asia, if living outside the US.

I'm getting rather confused now.

It seems to be Top Trumps about who knows most about Forces families.
I confess to only knowing about my parents, myself and friends who were Forces families.

I live nowhere near Lakenheath.

I suppose the thread is about boarding school for very/quite young children. The forces thing is only one aspect I'd think. Obviously big if you are in the forces though.

I didn't think the video was about a forces family.
Just an observation.

The background to forcs families has changed radically over the years.

When I was a child, 1940s,50s, we had a huge army, much of it conscription but a significant regular army as well. Families moved with the men from base to base. Every base had a range of furnished housing provided for these families and if demand exceeded supply, then you lived off base, but close to, in what were known as 'hirings' .

Postings were theoretically for three years, but you were lucky if you ever stayed in one place that long. My father's shortest posting was 6 weeks. Thankfully we hadn't yet moved, so did not have to move out of a quarter weeks after we had moved in. Most women did not work and were happy to follow the flag. Children under 11 went to local schools,when stationed in the uK and, usually schools for forces children when overseas.

At 11, if our parents were concerned about us getting a good education with O levels and A levels, they sent us to boarding school, so that we had consistency of education from 11 - 18. There was not any alternative as seen then.

Although I and the forces parted company at 21 when my father retired from the army, we have service friends, so have been aware of the changes that have happened.

It started in the early 1970s when house prices started rising regularly. Up to then army people did not own houses, they saved up through endowment policie and the like so that they had the cash to buy a house when they retired, but rapidly rising prices meant that servoce people started buying property. Buying and selling every time they moved was not practical so the decision was then rent it out, or live in it with the serving member commuting and living in Mess during the week.

Then as you got into the 1980s, more and more servicemen's wives had jobs, quite a number had professions and careers they were following and this meant travelling from base to base, country to country was no longer practical, so more and more forces famiys put down roots and began to lead more stable lives. When this happened there was no need to send children to boarding school and the forces only now subsidise families where it is clear that the family is following the job

But this also has downsides. It puts pressure on marriages, when one member may be working away, may be a long way away snd even coming home every weekend may be difficult. It also puts pressure on the children who have a full time mother and only an occasional father, who misses all lifes big occasions from first steps, first teeth to first degree.

We could of course have an army of single people only, or single people only and those with grown up children, but, I am not sure that is either practical or possible.

What surprised us was how many of them chose to stay in England, close to the base, when they retired. Our friends were part of a large community of retirees. They may have lived off base, in houses they had purchased, but their entire lives still revolved around the base facilities - completely self contained - PX, medical facilities, leisure facilities, a whole range of duty free privileges. It was pretty much a “cradle to grave” existence. They were sitting pretty. Who could blame them? For us, once you retire, apart from occasional reunion dinner if you’re that way inclined, you are parted from the services altogether, and start to build another life.

It seems to be Top Trumps about who knows most about Forces families.

Yes it is going rather off piste now and I’m not helping, so I’ll bow out!😄

Greyduster

What surprised us was how many of them chose to stay in England, close to the base, when they retired. Our friends were part of a large community of retirees. They may have lived off base, in houses they had purchased, but their entire lives still revolved around the base facilities - completely self contained - PX, medical facilities, leisure facilities, a whole range of duty free privileges. It was pretty much a “cradle to grave” existence. They were sitting pretty. Who could blame them? For us, once you retire, apart from occasional reunion dinner if you’re that way inclined, you are parted from the services altogether, and start to build another life.

I didn't find that PX, medical facilities, leisure facilities, a whole range of duty free privileges. It was pretty much a “cradle to grave” existence at all.

Perhaps on overseas deployment but not here in the UK. We registered with a local GP although there was a RN hospital but that got incorporated into a new District hospital.

RN personnel have regular reunions of certain commissions, weekends away but of course, numbers are dwindling.

Allira I was referring to American former service personnel not ours.

It's so interesting to hear things from forces people on this thread.
Our school here in the South West was in a town that was home to many families serving in the Armed Forces, particularly the Royal Marines Commandos. I noticed a change around the late 90s/early noughties when more and more military parents were choosing the day school option, as opposed to the nearby boarding school, which was in effect our competition. I don't know the reason for this, but we certainly saw a big influx where the boarding school saw a decline. And of course, once one military parent chooses the alternative on offer, many others follow because they are a tight knit community.