Overheard at the Leisure Centre

I'd be happy of the peace. He shouldn't have to lie but I don't know how often he is going to bowls - maybe the frequency of his visits are problematic but it sounds a bit controlling
He's only going to watch bowls

A very long time ago I was going home from a night shift and standing at a city centre bus stop waiting to go home when everyone was coming into work.

A very smartly dressed business man walked by, opened his briefcase, and dropped a package into a litter bin.

A few minutes later a homeless guy came along, took the package from the bin and began to consume the sandwiches inside.

I wondered if this little charade had been going on for years, that the man's wife had made his sandwiches and he left them for someone else to eat, every morning?

I think married people lie to each other all the time, and maybe that's why they stay together? I think honesty killed my marriage...

Good for him I say. Why should she stop him from doing something that he enjoys just so he can ‘be with her’. How selfish. People shouldn’t be joined at the hip.

I’d just be glad my OH was out from under my feet for a while. Is no big deal. Whilst he was out pretending to play bowls, she could very easily have been lounging at home with a friend eating choccies and quaffing Prosecco. Only to put on an harassed look when he returns and say she has spent the whole afternoon slaving away.
Little white lies often keep married couples from killing each other 🤣🤣

My husband played bowls and went frequently to play and watch his friends play they sometimes travelled to coastal venues too. I had no interest at all but would go along if it was an important match. He had no need to fib as it was his only hobby and he enjoyed it immensely so I was fine pottering around at home on my own in peace 😃 I agree with JaneJudge he shouldn’t have to lie about it.

MayBee70

Good for him I say. Why should she stop him from doing something that he enjoys just so he can ‘be with her’. How selfish. People shouldn’t be joined at the hip.

Yes, I agree.

MayBee70

Good for him I say. Why should she stop him from doing something that he enjoys just so he can ‘be with her’. How selfish. People shouldn’t be joined at the hip.

Agree totally.
Something about this smacks of a recently married older couple. Most women I know who have been married donkeys years are glad if their OH has an interest outside the home. Living in each others pockets is never a good idea.

No harm done.

It’s a pity he feels the only way he can get time out is by lying, to avoid an argument no doubt.

Just me then.

I’m not very good with pretending and lies. Rather have it all out there 😬

I agree generally but with some reservations about not having full information.

For example, in terms of time together its very different from the POV of a retired couple with plenty of time: if this was someone who worked long hours, they didn't get much time together, and he went bowling several nights and didn't go out together....I'd have hated to have been lied to as well but then it all depends on what was reasonable and how good communication was between them to work out compromises.

This is quite an innocent lie. It is not as if he was pretending to go bowling and then going to a strip club, having an affair or visiting a prostitute.

What I think is rather unpleasant though is hearing the two men having a laugh at the expense of the gullible wife. He should appreciate that she wants to be with him rather than can't wait to see the back of him.

You don't know the whole story, Lathyrus. She might be unreasonably clingy and possessive for all we know, in which case I'm glad he's found a way to please both of them.

Indigo8

This is quite an innocent lie. It is not as if he was pretending to go bowling and then going to a strip club, having an affair or visiting a prostitute.

What I think is rather unpleasant though is hearing the two men having a laugh at the expense of the gullible wife. He should appreciate that she wants to be with him rather than can't wait to see the back of him.

Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head for me, though I couldn’t work out why it bothered me so much.

It was the laughing and a sort of aren’t I clever - yes jolly good.
It felt wrong.

Lathyrus3

Just me then.

I’m not very good with pretending and lies. Rather have it all out there 😬

I think that is what we should all aspire to. I can’t say that in 46 years I haven’t told the odd little porky to my OH, and am sure he would say the same.
But we are still happily married.

Some people have controlling partners. I was out with hubby and some of his work mates one night. About 8.00 one said he needed to. phone home. In front of us all he told her that the boss had asked him to work late and he would not be home until they finished.
Another time I wad playing in a mixed 4 at golf and as was the custom we all stayed for a drink. My partner rang his wife again in front of us and told her the partners had won the competition and we had to wait for the prize giving.

Oh I guess I wouldn’t be in a relationship where I thought I had to lie about what I was doing. Or was lied to. It just wouldn’t be a relationship I wanted in my life.

Ah well. Horses for courses.

I' m not very good at lying either
It's weird he is allowed to play but not allowed to watch though

JaneJudge

I' m not very good at lying either
It's weird he is allowed to play but not allowed to watch though

Maybe it is a status thing for her and she likes to say "my husband plays in ALL the bowls club matches"!

Personally, I would welcome the time alone - I only have to say that I am going for a walk and MrA pipes up 'I'll put my shoes on and come with you'.

JaneJudge

I' m not very good at lying either
It's weird he is allowed to play but not allowed to watch though

I think, from what I heard, the issue was how much time he spends at bowls.
Guess she accepts that he has to be there for games.

Oh well I don’t know any of them, though I expect I’ll see them around. It’s a small town.

I couldn’t work out why it bothered me so much.🤔🤷🏽‍♀️

I hope I would feel thoroughly ashamed of myself for being so petty to grudge my husband the pleasure of watching his friends competing.

Unless of course, he is doing so six nights out of every seven!

I agree the husband in question is wrong to lie to his wife, but this may well be the line of least resistance as he presumably has tried to discuss his wife's attitude with her.

I think married people lie to each other all the time, and maybe that's why they stay together? I think honesty killed my marriage

It might have killed your marriage but I totally disagree!

I think it's perfectly fine.