GN makes me lonelier

Kate54

Perhaps we need a light-hearted ‘boring morning’ thread to level things out a bit.
My contribution today would have been ‘Took a broken mop, an old picture frame and some worn out windscreen wiper blades to the tip. Considered clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. But didn’t.’

Hobbled round the kitchen with my zimmer frame, balancing a dish of cornflakes and sliced banana then hobbling back to fetch a cup of tea. The phone went, nothing important. By that time my cornflakes had gone soggy.
Did some puzzles, looked on GN, sat outside. Read.
Eat lunch, repeat.

We all look forward to the better weather and longer days, but ironically I think that can also having a negative affect on mood. We perceive that everyone, apart from us, is out having a great time socialising in sunshine, which can be very far from the truth.
I hope you will soon be feeling better * RosieandherMaw*

I was widowed when I was 49,I am 77 now.I have an active social life am in contact with my children regularly.I even have a great granddaughter now.

But I still get achingly lonely from time to time,I have nobody like my husband to share things with,I miss having that one person in my life,that one person who always loved and protected me and who I could share my deepest thoughts with.

And can I just say - hesitantly, I'm really not meaning to offend - but when someone opens up about their loneliness and being totally ON THEIR OWN - others coming along and saying they know how the poster feels and then going on to say I only have my DH or I only have xx children at home- well in that case you're not totally alone so you don't know what it's like. It's kind of patronising in a way
Yes, yes and yes!
You get these comments around Christmas and maybe Easter.
“We were on our own, just DH and me”
As soon as you see the word “We” (unless it is QEII and the “Royal We” ) don’t bother to read on!

I love your posts Rosiesmaw, so hope you'll continue to post on GN.
You are wise and witty!

We can all be lonely sometimes and sad for no reason.
Being a widow is not nice as I well know. You never get over it but merely used to it.

I keep myself busy but that doesn't stop the sometimes unbearable pangs of self pity and longing for what I don't know.

I suddenly found that my 2 youngest DGD are down staying with the other DGP but luckily they are being brought to me tomorrow for a few hours. I don't believe I've seen them since Christmas.

I try not to share my sad news on GN. What's the point.

The down days are hard for sure maw, of course I shouldn’t generalise but my guess is the majority of older people get them.

My trigger is a sense of not being needed by the family . Local grandchildren are independent teenagers, as they should be. The younger one lives an hour away, not far in the scheme of things. With a geographically close, available and reliable network of care from his Mums family we’re not needed there as we were.

My days are often routine and yes, sometimes I wish for more to keep me busy and involved with the family. Having said that I know that physically I’d not cope with constant child care and try to keep my reactions in check.

I’m sure your friends appreciate you being the instigator maw, someone has to be after all, it’s perhaps how they expect you to be. Why not contact your neighbour? She’s probably wondering why you haven’t.

Hope you wake tomorrow feeling brighter. We’re all entitled to feel as we do, just allow yourself to come back to being you in your own good time and why not post boring things on the GM thread, I do . .

I always enjoy your post RosieandherMaw and miss you when you don’t post in the morning. I agree some people are very busy but it’s not always for good reasons.
I hope you can find a way round your present mood.
Two widows I know have moved into over 55 accommodation and feel much happier, obviously not for everyone.

I was widowed young, we’d had no children and I have no surviving family. At 70, that makes me a bit of an oddity. I live a busy life but know I have to be constantly proactive at maintaining it. Sometimes that can be wearying.

Because my life has taken a different course, I don’t always feel I have a lot in common with women of my own age, those whose lives revolve mostly around family and the domestic. It’s possibly why I often find men more interesting to talk to as we can have a different kind of conversation in which I have more to contribute. I have some good female friends too who are both parents and grandparents and while I know family is important to them, it doesn’t pre-occupy and define them and we talk about other things.

Nowadays, especially since lockdown, I find I’m happy to go for days not talking to a soul if I’m immersed in some activity. I’ve already had twenty years of living on my own and no family so I am used to the solitude and no longer think much about what other people are doing. Maybe that makes it easier for me. I will always miss my DH but never having had children or grandchildren, I can’t miss what I never had.

When I was first widowed, I used to find weekends terribly lonely, especially long BH weekends and evenings too once I was no longer too exhausted from work to think about it. Easter seemed to go on forever. I managed the loneliness by finding some interesting voluntary work. The jobs have changed over the years but I have never stopped volunteering at the weekend … and some evenings too since I retired.

That’s not to say I don’t very occasionally have blue days, days when I would love to have someone to just chill out and do nothing with. It sounds like RosieandherMaw is having one of those days. It will pass but know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

RosieandherMaw

I think most would say their worst would be to lose a treasured wonderful supportive spouse - I'm truly sorry for widows. I'd be very lost and lonely without my darling husband listening.

I love to read your posts, please keep posting humourous and sad.

Sorry to hear you're feeling low, RosieandherMaw. I hope it'll pass and you'll feel more cheerful soon. I always love your posts and I'm sure I'm not the only one on here!

I am sorry you are feeling low Maw. I think with Easter looming it makes family time seem more important.

My children live far away and I have no siblings. I don't post on the morning thread because I often have nothing to say and also I am quite a private person.
Those with family around them are lucky indeed but I know you usually make the most of what you have and I hope this feeling will soon pass.

Yes why not contact your neighbour? Nothing wrong with you being the instigator. People who know you will have come to expect it.

Sending you a hug.

I would join!

I personally am a mixture of days.

Perhaps we need a light-hearted ‘boring morning’ thread to level things out a bit.
My contribution today would have been ‘Took a broken mop, an old picture frame and some worn out windscreen wiper blades to the tip. Considered clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. But didn’t.’

Its hurtful to be ignored. I have spent years wondering why people don't want to be friends anymore. Think it's cruel really.

In the village I live nearest to, about half the houses at least, have happened to change hands in the last few years.
Just about none of the new people talk with each other.
Doesnt matter to me. Mainly I just drive through.
But the people who have lived there for decades, have noticed a big change.

Very well said ferry23.

RosieandherMaw you're not alone feeling as you do. I live alone and have no siblings and my children live some way away. I've also given up on some threads as they make me feel even worse at times.

And can I just say - hesitantly, I'm really not meaning to offend - but when someone opens up about their loneliness and being totally ON THEIR OWN - others coming along and saying they know how the poster feels and then going on to say I only have my DH or I only have xx children at home- well in that case you're not totally alone so you don't know what it's like. It's kind of patronising in a way.

You can sympathise with the OP and try to cheer them a little, but if you're not totally alone, then you can't empathise.

Sometimes there’s an element of competitiveness in who’s doing the most, having the best time ever, blah blah blah. But are they really? One of my adult children lives abroad and we have to make do with yearly visits if we are lucky. I’ve got friends who tend to drone on and on about their families, grandchildren etc but my solution is to limit my chats with them. I’ve others who are not so self absorbed which balances it out a bit. Maybe that’s the solution here too? Avoid those who make you feel less than and join in on others.
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

M0nica your perspective is of a married person..and you always sound super confident..when you’re single/widowed or never had close family connections, it’s totally alienating at times to read about others much more fulfilled lives…

RosiendherMaw just read thru some of my posts and you will understand how I feel about life in general ATM ..
Wishing you brighter days and other GNs who feel out of sorts 💐

Hopefully it’s just one of those down in the dumps days RosieandherMaw. We all have them .

I’m always advocating the U3A. So much choice of classes, outings, meet-ups, you could be doing something all day and everyday. It was created for just the fact that older people need/want social activities. Ive met so many people who have become good friends.

I’m very mindful of others who are lonely , when I post my ‘doings’ and hopefully don’t make people feel sad.

Take care and chin up, tomorrow is another day and a new beginning. 🙏

I'm sorry to read this, and that others have these lonely feelings when reading GN. Are there other forum sites specifically aimed for lonely people, or even widows? It would be kind of comforting to chat with other posters who understand.

I like it on GN when posters talk about their families, their travels, their activities. Anything goes really. I don't think anyone is trying to talk about how narvellous their life is, just chatting. In fact, I think posters keep their comments to a minimum. I've been doing alot of cultural stuff this week with the grandchildren - visiting DDay museums, landing beaches, Bayeux Tapestry - but I wouldn't write on GN about it because I doubt if anyone would be interested.

Two points from me.
One I actually believe this should be a primary reason for gn. apart from the obvious of sharing grandparents views. Sharing perspectives from an older generation and loneliness has got to be major.
The other is that if it weren’t for organisers like you who I thank personally and wholly admire then we would be in a mess. It’s not something I’m able to do easily if at all probably.

The way many of you are writing you would think that GN was all about family and pets.

There are currently nearly 40 threads on GN that are not about families and you can always start more of your own.

I have never had family living close to me DS and the DGC live 200 miles away. I have never played a day to day part in their lives.

I think women get far too dependent on their families. I have always had a life of my own. My DH's work involved frequent foreign travel to remote parts of the world for unknown periods of time. I had my own career and I have my own interests, own friends and own pursuits.

I also have a wonderful loving family. We go on holiday together and DS and DGS will be with us next week. We are moving to live quite close to our DD.

I do understand having down days when everything closes in on us, and I hope this is all RosieandherMaw is having but we are all responsible for our own lives and should not be dependent on our children, or any other one thing for our happiness and content.

I have not posted for years but know you from another time, another name and could not pass by without sending hugs.
We have much in common but I am lucky to still have my husband.
None of our children live near us and a visit to two of them requires long flights in different directions.
It is hard to be the one who always initiates invitations but that is who we are and please continue to do this. Hopefully, someone will notice your generous spirit and be inspired. But even if not, you need to continue in this vein for to do otherwise would go against your nature.

I know you are very active in so many ways from your posts.. This sadness will pass and you will carry on and find joy in what you do and those you love. If threads get you down, ignore them, or read them as you would any possible work of fiction(!) perhaps.

Bon courage .

RosieandherMaw

I wonder if I started the day feeling low? Sometimes a dream can have a lasting effect which lingers long after we he are awake.
I had been dreaming that DH and I were cruising past the most beautiful scenery (OK in my dream it somehow morphed into a train, but I knew we had set off on a cruise) and I remember thinking these are truly golden moments, life is good and sighing with contentment as things couldn’t get much better.
Who knows.

I’ve just been out with Rosie and spotted that a friend I used to see regularly but I thought must be away as we haven’t spoken since last weekend, is actually at home (both cars outside and in a village you can’t get anywhere any other way)
Shall I message her? Or see if I hear first Not holding my breath.

Its hurtful to be ignored. I have spent years wondering why people don't want to be friends anymore. Think it's cruel really.

Thick skin and resilience are needed!

I understand that sinking feeling when a day seems devoid of activity, Maw. My circumstances are not the same as yours but if I don't watch out too many quiet days came be unsettling. I hope that you feel better soon.