out of the mouth of babes

We were taking our small grandson on a trip when he was car sick, so sick we had to replace his clothes. We stopped at a supermarket and bought new clothes then pulled into a pub car park, changed his clothes and went on our way. Later when we took him home my daughter in law said “what did you do today”. He replied “I was sick, nanny took all my clothes off and we went to the pub” very succinctly put.

My mum had to get off the bus early with me, after I'd loudly asked why the (turban-wearing) man had a bandage on his head. Apparently she had seen me looking at him, then looking at her, and she desperately tried to distract me - but I was not having it!

Witzend

This was me, when I was a fan of my Flower Fairies books. I especially loved the fuchsia fairy- such a lovely dress she had on!
Only I’d never heard anyone pronounce it, so after once saying I really liked fuckseeyas, an aunt said hastily, ‘No, dear- it’s pronounced fyoosha.’ 😂

My late MIL was German and she always pronounced it fuckseya.

This was me, when I was a fan of my Flower Fairies books. I especially loved the fuchsia fairy- such a lovely dress she had on!
Only I’d never heard anyone pronounce it, so after once saying I really liked fuckseeyas, an aunt said hastily, ‘No, dear- it’s pronounced fyoosha.’ 😂

Many years ago myself and small daughter (about 4) were in a shop queue. The person in front, I believe was a lady, but she had almost a full beard.

My daughter kept tugging my jacket and as I was ignoring her she said very loudly “look Mummy this lady has a big beard just like Daddy.” I wanted the floor to swallow me up but the lady just smiled at us and said no more.

'Afternoons of year's should read 'after lots of tears', damned autocorrect.

My daughter brought a note home from Kindergarten about a Bring and Buy sale they were having but she was distraught, No Mummy, I don't want to go! I explained that we took something and bought something else but she wouldn't be comforted. Eventually afternoons of years it became clear that she had heard Bring a Bicycle and she thought she would have to take her new bike!

My DGD aged 2 out shopping with DIL for a 34th birthday present for DILs sister. She marched around the store saying
Aunty's Lin is dirty oar, aunty Lin is dirty oar as she couldn't pronounce thirty four.
DGS aged 3 saw a lady in a burka walking towards him in the street and started shouting and pointing
Look Look its a post box and it can walk.
DD said she nearly died of embarrassment and appologised but the lady just laughed and said its ok.

Witzend

At just under 3, Gdd1 was enjoying the nursery’s play kitchen when one of the staff asked what she was doing in her kitchen.
‘I’m having a glass of wine.’ 😂

In our group of stay-at-home-mum friends, one was very proud of being a qualified NNEB and liked to think she was a cut above the rest of us

She did a lot of craft and junk modelling with her young children. The little girl made a wonderful building one day and her mum asked her what it was.
She was mortified when the child told her it was the local pub 😂

My mother always told the story about me at the age of two. She was getting ready for bed when she heard me crying, and rushed in to see me stark naked. Instantly my problem was forgotten and I shouted "Where your nightie eh? You put it on!" Thoroughly shamed she crept away to put said nightie on before she came back to see what I actually wanted.

Children in primary school assembly heard chanting the Lord's Prayer:

Our father, in charge in heaven,
Harold be thy name...

If they were identified they got a stern telling off!

Witzend

At just under 3, Gdd1 was enjoying the nursery’s play kitchen when one of the staff asked what she was doing in her kitchen.
‘I’m having a glass of wine.’ 😂

Be sure your sins will find you out 😂

One of my granddaughters was sat beside my aquarium watching an angel fish. It stopped right in front of her as though watching her too. She looked at us and said "why is he looking at me?" to which my OH replied "he's wondering what it is!". She immediately answered "no he's not, it's because I am beautiful".

Talking of bosoms, Gogo84, at 13 or 14 I was babysitting our neighbour’s children, one of whom was a boy of 10, who was a bit of a handful.
I was trying to get him to calm down and start getting ready for bed, when he suddenly went wide-eyed and said, ‘Hey! You’ve got bosoms!!’

TBH I was secretly so chuffed that anyone had noticed my weeny little 32As!

At just under 3, Gdd1 was enjoying the nursery’s play kitchen when one of the staff asked what she was doing in her kitchen.
‘I’m having a glass of wine.’ 😂

My husband was telling me that he had found a good way to smooth out the wrinkles when the duvet was on the bed was to drag a coat hanger over it. My eldest granddaughter, who was about 7 at the time, said to him why don’t you try it on your face and amid lots of laughing my husband said what about Nanny? Her reply was “Nanny doesn’t need it!” . She is now my favourite granddaughter

My four year old grandson picked up my bra and asked if ‘this thing is to keep those things (pointing at my breasts) tidy?’ Uh, yes!

Lizzies

My daughter was staying overnight with my parents and she was in the bathroom when my Mum was getting dressed. When it came time for Mum to put her panty girdle on Lizzie said Grandma you will not get all that in there!

I went for dinner with a family who had a friend of mine lodging with them. At the meal table their child, probably 4 or 5 years old, was going round everyone asking how old we were. She came to a fairly elderly lady and instead of asking how old she was she, said "When are you going to die?"! She obviously knew you died when you got old, and thought it was at some fixed point known in advance! Fortunately said old lady was a bit deaf, and didn't hear the question so the child could be silenced before she could ask again. The rest of us were desperately trying to supress our giggles.

My friend's daughter came in from meeting the new family next door and proudly announced that the lady was a prostitute. It later transpired that she meant Protestant. My friend was mortified, but luckily the new neighbour thought it was hysterical!

Pushing small DD across cathedral close in pushchair - a VERY fat lady was walking towards us. DD at top of voice: "Mummy, why has that lady got no knees!?" Gulp........

I should have pointed out that the incident in the Ladies’ room at the theatre was in the 1940s, when such things were not mentioned in public.

Rather more recently, when my son was just four, we were at my brother’s wedding. He (my son) had never been in a church before, and he was fed up with all the waiting about and being quiet. He said very audibly “Well, I think it’s yucky being in church”.

This was actually me. I was about 7, in the theatre ladies’ room in a ballet interval, and there was a notice saying “Sanitary towels available”. In a loud voice I begged my mother for a sanitary towel. I thought it was some sort of special medicated towel for drying hands. I think my mother was pretty embarrassed!

For some unfathomable reason my son and his little friend when they were about 7 or 8 used to call bosoms "hopes". You can imagine the what the parents made of that! High Hope's, no hope at all, hopeless. I could go on!! Also my late husband when he went to church as a child used to say " In the name of the Father and of the Son and in the hole he goes"

My close friends family were on holiday with us. Their 3 yr old was running around a bit in the shop. Mum told her off. Hands on hips and " J* C* mummy, do I HAVE to do everything you tell me straight away!"