Stay at Home Mums

DH and I took it in turns more through circumstances than choice. I was a SAHM mum from 1974-86. DH was SAHF from 1982-1995....by which time DD and DS were both away at university. DH then got a part time post whilst I continued in full time work. The arrangement worked for us but was not planned. Sadly it would not be an option for most families these days when so many struggle with the cost of living on 2 full time incomes......

I returned to work part time when my DS was 4months old as we needed two salaries. I was lucky that even p/t I earned a good salary . When my dd was born we moved out of London and I stayed at home until she was 3 . And then returned to worked p/t . For me p/t was ideal . I got to be working mum and stay at home mum. Working p/t meant that my DH had to do his share of childcare , school and household stuff. I don’t remember my father ever cooking a meal for us or ironing our school uniforms.
My DC have said that we were good role model for them whilst they were growing up.
I haven’t read that post on mn but it’s sad that other women are critical of her choice .

SAHM is a financial choice in many instances.

Perhaps the OP just wants to take on a wide range of views?

It is sad so many are critical of her choice.

I've never worked outside my home, stayed home with our 4 daughters. We wanted one of us driving the long distance to school and activities. Our children never numbed my mind, I find them fascinating.

I suppose it is a financial choice for lots of people, either way. Asking for opinions because you have a choice is already a privilege

Lots of men are awful Fathers so I suppose posting on a mainly female site will get women posting a cautious view as they may have had poor fathers or poor male partners

Obviously not all men blah blah

I suppose the best of all worlds is to work part-time, especially if a couple can juggle hours to cover sickness, school holidays etc.
I do remember thinking how crazy it was, when our children were toddlers, that intelligent women were reduced to singing inane action songs about wiggly worms at playgroup.

It would be good if putting children in nursery was for their benefit, rather than just because both parents are at work, but most families need two incomes to manage these days.

I do remember thinking how crazy it was, when our children were toddlers, that intelligent women were reduced to singing inane action songs about wiggly worms at playgroup.

I would quibble the word reduced!

Singing with little children is a joy and a fascinating stage in their brain development.

Luckygirl3

*I do remember thinking how crazy it was, when our children were toddlers, that intelligent women were reduced to singing inane action songs about wiggly worms at playgroup.*

I would quibble the word reduced!

Singing with little children is a joy and a fascinating stage in their brain development.

Yes, what a strange way to look at it!

This is what intelligent mothers do.

I find it very sad that, as an earlier poster says, a parent finds their children 'mind numbing'.

Glad I was never on mumsnet. Seeking approval for a personal decision or preference from what sounds like a bamd of MeanGirls. GN seems a much gentler and thoughtful place!

I was a very happy SAHM and “kept woman.
What I objected to was being perceived as only able to talk about babies and nappies.
Also, after having been looked down upon, being the first port of call to fetch little Jonny from school, or when school closed because of weather - mum “couldn’t leave work”!

In my SAHM years, I neve, ever saw muself as a 'Kept' woman.

I always saw the family unit as just that - a unit to which we all made our contribution. - we had children they needed caring and nurturing, we could have paid for it, or i could do it.

In fact in my case, my DH's work, especially when DC were small, required a lot of travelling often at a few hours notice and for indefinite lengths of time. As a result I was the CEO of the company, or close to being a single mother at times. I cared for the family, looked after the finances, managed everything from holidays to buying and selling property.

I earned my keep, even if I did not earn money. We always saw the income coming into the family as our income.

This continued after I returned to work. If I had put my career and career progression first, I could have gone higher, achieved more, including more pay, but I went far enough to earn a comfortable salary and have a good enough occupational pension and I have never regretted choosing to earn less and have more time at home.

It probably meant my DH could earn more, because he had an efficient adminstration he could trust at home. My DiL has made similar decisions.

I loved being at home with my children, sadly I had to go out to work when the youngest was 3 but only part time

During my years as a childminder from 2003 until 2015 I enjoyed every minute. I look at the adults those children have now become and I am so proud of the input I had in their early years.
Every day was filled with activities and most days we were out and about.
Maybe the term SAHM is the problem, I rarely stayed indoors

The mumsnet makes me feel sad that parenting is held in such poor esteem.

When I had my first child, every young mum on my road was a SAHM, it seemed to be the done thing at the time. It's a different world now. My daughter was quite happy to get back to work, but my DIL would have loved to be a SAHM.

Allira

Luckygirl3

I do remember thinking how crazy it was, when our children were toddlers, that intelligent women were reduced to singing inane action songs about wiggly worms at playgroup.

I would quibble the word reduced!

Singing with little children is a joy and a fascinating stage in their brain development.

Yes, what a strange way to look at it!

This is what intelligent mothers do.

Are you suggesting that those who choose not to do that are NOT intelligent?

No.

I am suggesting that singing with children should not be seen as below someone with intelligence!

Luckygirl3

No.

I am suggesting that singing with children should not be seen as below someone with intelligence!

I don't think anyone suggested that.

I don't care for the 'stay-at-home-mum' label. I considered myself a 'full-time Mum'. It is the most important job in the world and I still have the old-fashioned view that a child's formative years are best spent with a parent. I think it is sad that looking after your own child is somehow looked down upon. It's wrong to push Mums into careers. I wouldn't have missed those first steps and first words for anything.

Luckygirl3

The mumsnet makes me feel sad that parenting is held in such poor esteem.

One reason why I (briefly) peeked into Mumsnet and straight out again is that I do not believe we can apply our own experience of childcare and early motherhood 40+ years down the line.
There are some things that my DDS do or did as young mums which I did not necessarily agree with, although I have always admired them as mothers (home births, hypnobirthing, co sleeping, baby led weaning etc) . There was also much that they do or did which I fully support.
But times change and what applied in our day does not necessarily apply now.
Being a SAHM can be desperately lonely if most of your peers return to their careers and modern house prices seem to be predicated on two salaries especially in the SE.
If I am typical, we mostly “juggled” jobs and childcare, often settling for part time or less demanding roles on the basis that DH was the higher earner and breadwinner. DHs were often much less “hands on” than our sons or sons-in-law today as well.
Many of us returned to full time work as the children grew up but it was often still a case of trying not to drop the spinning plates with after school commitments, school holidays, childhood illnesses or one’s own or DH’s health.
Did we get it right?
Each can only answer for herself but it is undeniable that sacrifices were made all along the line.
So that is why I find Mumsnet irrelevant to me and TBH my opinions irrelevant to Mumsnet.

Being a mum is the most important job in the world, but you do not need to do it full time to raise happy, well balanced and much loved children. I wish people would stop implicitly criticising today’s mothers for making different choices to the ones they made themselves. There is not one ‘right’ way to do it, the children of working mothers are not inferior on any way to other children, and nor are their mothers.

Casdon

Being a mum is the most important job in the world, but you do not need to do it full time to raise happy, well balanced and much loved children. I wish people would stop implicitly criticising today’s mothers for making different choices to the ones they made themselves. There is not one ‘right’ way to do it, the children of working mothers are not inferior on any way to other children, and nor are their mothers.

Well said! We are not all the same - what is right for one mum may not be right for another. The most important thing, as far as I am concerned, is that women now have choices - whether to have children at all, whether to return to work if they do have children or whether to stay at home with their children. Stop judging those who made a different choice from you.

I don't understand rich peple. I stayed home after my children were born and we were dirt poor. In the end I had to go back to work. If I had had the choice I would have waited a little longer...

Cabbie did in her post yesterday @ 22.28 ViceVersa; it was part of that post that Luckygirl quoted.

keepingquiet

I don't understand rich peple. I stayed home after my children were born and we were dirt poor. In the end I had to go back to work. If I had had the choice I would have waited a little longer...

Huh? You've lost me there.

I worked as a f/t Mum until my youngest was 6 then started a business with 2 friends which allowed us each at least 3 free days per week. I had no family nearby to help. Being with my children mostly 24/7 was my job which I loved. End of. We all decide what is best for us and our family and I was never criticised for opting to stay with my children and not work. My DH was happy, the children were happy and so was I.