Stay at Home Mums

This thread comes up again and again. M0nica’s point about it being poisonous is accurate because each group seems to feel it has to justify the choice or lack of choice they had in being a SAHM or a working mum and denigrate the other group.

Mollygo

This thread comes up again and again. M0nica’s point about it being poisonous is accurate because each group seems to feel it has to justify the choice or lack of choice they had in being a SAHM or a working mum and denigrate the other group.

... each group seems to feel it has to justify the choice or lack of choice they had in being a SAHM or a working mum and denigrate the other group.

You're right Mollygo.

I've come to the conclusion that the problem is really because women now have a choice and that whatever women choose to do - regardless of what the issue is - they will be judged by other women and wider society. In a way that men largely are not.

It's usually accepted that men are either great family oriented fathers, or simply father-figures who provide for their families. Because men are not a homogenous group. But the same 'privilege' of individuality is not recognised where women are concerned.

I'm not quite sure where I am going with this but having been both a SAHM and a working-mother, I appreciated the joys of both... so 'hurrah' for SAHMs and for those that work.

What matters is a mother and father united in their endeavour to give their children the love and affection they need, and a secure family-framework in which they can grow up. Regardless of who works and who doesn't.

Those speaking of their choices were speaking of 2025 ?

Even the 1990s were a world away from the 1960s and 70s!

Anniebach

Those speaking of their choices were speaking of 2025 ?

I wasn't. Both of my children were born in the 1990s.

A world away frm the 1960s and 70s 🙂

Yes, a world away, I would make the same choice now,

But at least women do have more choices now - and as I said, that's surely something we should all be celebrating?

Anniebach

Yes, a world away, I would make the same choice now,

I realise I must be old enough to be the mother of some Gransnetters!! 😂

Viceversa, my three children were all nineties babies, too, in fact my oldest is 34 today. Yes, Allira, it is a world away from the sixties and seventies, but it is also a world away from 2025. Dickens, your post makes so much sense. Like you, I have been a SAHM and a working mother. I was fortunate because much of my work was at home as a private music teacher and accompanist and I was able to work around them. My children were always my first priority, as os the case for everyone here.

Allira, you probably are old enough to be a mother to some of us. As we know, we have a wide age range on here and some great-grandmothers as well as grandmothers. At sixty, I am plenty old enough to be a grandma but am not yet, so I will be quite an elderly grandma if it ever happens. It doesn't worry me, though. Very occasionally, women become grandmothers in their thirties - the same ages as my older two children. Technically, I suppose I am old enough to be a mother to someone in their early forties. Certainly, the first children and teenagers l taught are now in their fortes and fifties!

Quote Allira Mon 09-Jun-25 14:22:54
Anniebach
Yes, a world away, I would make the same choice now,
I realise I must be old enough to be the mother of some Gransnetters!! 😂

Me too, and Grandmother to their children

Most mothers put their children first,*Musicgirl*.
We just do it in different ways.

I think the choices we make are always ours and some may turn out to be "just right" and some are "not so right". I think we should just "own" them - but in context of our lives at the time.

As we can't go back and change anything, I think we should all be kinder to ourselves (and others) in accepting that we (all of us) did the best we could subject to the circumstances we were in and taking account of our special aptitudes and abilities and the restrictions around us.

I do regret some things in this period of my life, but on the whole I think I did OK - just like others who made different choices.

I know hat my husband and I made some unusual choices but mostly I believe we'd do the same again.

Let's not run each other down

Most people don't have choice now as the cost of living is so high.

As would I, afterall sahm is a valid choice as is having a job.

Anniebach

Yes, a world away, I would make the same choice now,

I didn't quite use the quote function correctly.

I did agree above, I'd not change my choice.

As we can't go back and change anything, I think we should all be kinder to ourselves (and others) in accepting that we (all of us) did the best we could subject to the circumstances we were in and taking account of our special aptitudes and abilities and the restrictions around us.

👏👏👏

Woman are born with 'original guilt'.
Starting with Eve.

As our seventies posters said, a mother’s place is in the world. So often though, it’s in the wrong 🙈🌞

Iam64

As our seventies posters said, a mother’s place is in the world. So often though, it’s in the wrong 🙈🌞

In the wrong indeed. On the mumsnet thread that I referred to, posters were piling in on.this poor woman who wanted to be a SAHM as if she was irresponsible and nuts. It made me so mad.
As I used to say to my Photos how students who were very excited with all the things you can do with it to change photos ... "Just because you can do something does not mean you should do it." It us the same with women's freedom to have a career. It should not become an obligation, but a choice to be made after proper consideration.

Photoshp students ..

Iam64

As our seventies posters said, a mother’s place is in the world. So often though, it’s in the wrong 🙈🌞

Yes! 😁

Just be glad you have a choice.

@NotSpaghetti, this is exactly what I said. Everyone here, no matter the choices they have made or the situations they have found themselves in, has put their children first.

i chose to be a working mother in 1979. when DD started school. I had always intended to get back to work as soon as was racrcal, but the childcare facilities we have now were not available and we had no grandparents near by. I was ingenious in covering all care needs.

It was only recently DS realised that the reason that he and his sister were able to do so many sports courses at the local sports centre was because I worked next door to it and would drop the children off to do a three hour gym, or swimming, or judo course, while I nipped into the office, put in 3 hours work.

Iam64

As our seventies posters said, a mother’s place is in the world. So often though, it’s in the wrong 🙈🌞

It seems that often women are held to account in a way that men seldom are - which was the case even before we had the right to choose...

And of course, some women are still fighting for that right in other countries.

In the USA, there's a professional - I don't know if he's on the board of an educational department / university or what and I've forgotten his name, but he stated that women should be discouraged from further education and focus instead on preparing for motherhood. I think he mentioned that women are not having a sufficient number of babies. Though reading his further observations on women it became clear that he had a huge problem with feminism.

In the USA having and educating children, not to mention their health needs, can be a crippling cost... perhaps he ought to look into that whilst decrying women for delaying having children...

I don't know if he has a daughter / daughters (or even if he's married) but if he has, I hope she/they rebel.