13 year old granddaughter autistic

What help do her parents want?
Are you uk? Is it behaviour support help? Financial help ? Respite?

Trisher have the parents spoken to the school to get advice or perhaps they shoukd contact where your gd was diagnosed, they will have information about help that may be available.
Autism is sometimes genetic, is there anyone else in the family with autism?

We have autism diagnosed in our family so I don’t make light of it but bear in mind that the behaviour you describe is fairly common in most 13 year old girls.

She may not know what's wrong. The world is a challenging and overwhelming place for an autistic person and their challenging behaviour is very often triggered by events they cannot process.
The National Autistic Society is an excellent website but I would contact your GP to see what help there is in their local area. I have 2 autistic grandchildren aged 12 & 16 so completely understand how hard it can be for everyone concerned. However, she should be able to follow rules so getting her to knock on her sibling's doors first is not an unreasonable expectation.

Each local authority must publish details of services and support for children with SEND, if you Google local offer for your area it will be a starting point for where to seek help.

13 year old slamming doors, will not speak to parents, etc. Sounds like a very normal 13 year old girl. All those hormones racing around. Has she said how much she hates you all yet? It will come.
It has always been difficult as we turn from children into teenagers, even more difficult now with social media and influencers.
Not sure who has diagnosed her as Autistic. Forget the labels and just be there for her during this difficult year or so, It will improve.

Not sure who has diagnosed her as Autistic. Forget the labels and just be there for her during this difficult year or so, It will improve.

Lots of worries just now about 10 year old DGS. He is very anxious, having lots of melt-downs saying no-one understands his problems, no-one is helping etc. He has also just started worrying that he and his belongings are covered in saliva and is washing his hands a lot. DS (his uncle) works with special needs children, many on the spectrum, and helped us yesterday when DGS was with us and very upset. Parents know there is something not right but don't know what to do - they want some sort of assessment to be made, but of course this, if it ever happens due to waiting list, might put a label which is maybe only half the truth. All very worrying! Looking back I have realised that my father was on the spectrum.

Sometimes a ‘ label’ can be a relief and helps understand some behaviours. I hope his uncle can help with suggestions of what if anything shoukd be done next.

My oldest grandson is autistic and has ADHD. He was coping reasonably well until he hit 16.Then he decided he was fine, didn't need to take his ADHD meds, didn't need extra time for exams, didn't need the scribe he was offered to write his exam answers. In other words he turned into a bolshie teenager living in his bedroom. His GCSEs were fairly disastrous and 2 years later he's just about getting back to normal. I think part of the problem is just sitting out the teenage bit and trying to minimise the effect on the siblings. Are there any autism support groups locally? My daughter found a very good one but after a few sessions she found that her son enjoyed the activities but couldn't cope with the melt downs some of the other children were having.

CAMHS is the NHS mental health services group responsible for young people, I suggest they are contacted asap as the waiting lists or long.
Who has diagnosed your granddaughter and have they prescribed any medication if necessary?
Our granddaughter is autistic, diagnosed privately and on medication discussed with her GP and my daughter, it’s made a huge difference at 17.
At 13 she was undiagnosed and didn’t exhibit any ‘typical teenage behaviour’ until this last year.

Sorry long reply
My grandaughter is autistic and it has been hard work for my daughter . She has had to fight to get help and has and still is on a constant learning curve. Understanding the condition and how it affects your child has helped immensely. My grand child was not being naughty but was showing signs of deregulation which was being missed through lack of knowledge. Masking the condition at school to fit in with peers was causing meltdowns at home and she went through a horrible aggressive phase. They have worked hard as a family to understand what is happening and my grandchild is learning to self regulate and understand herself. There are still hard times but things have got a lot better and the family are all working together to keep learning and talking. Autism org have lots of advice online. Getting a proper assessment and diagnosis has been a godsend as dealing with different departments has opened other avenues to explore. My daughter and son in law have attended so many training courses usually virtual. This did impact on their daily lives but they persevered and it is definately paying off.i hope they can find the support they need as a family soon.

Where has this all come from I know people weren’t diagnosed in our school days but I don’t remember one child in my class who displayed any problems like these and please don’t get me wrong I have relatives I love on the spectrum so fully believe that it is part of our lives It is not made up or over diagnosed but I truly don’t think it was around in my school days My children are all in their50 s I don’t remember any major problems or any of them coming back from school with stories of difficulties in class or disruption apart from the odd (mild by comparison) joker

I do hope you can get help I know the NHS waiting lists are horrendous and it’s hard to know if all three children have various problems or if one is disrupting the lives of everyone
Very very difficult for you all and fir them I do hope you can get the help you need

I wonder if other countries have the same sort of numbers as we do and if so how they deal with it

The National Autistic Society can be found at www.autism.org.uk/

They have a helpline and local branches. They should be able to help and advise.

Where has this all come from

I’m with BlueBelle on this.

You really didn’t hear about this sort of stuff years ago.

Chatting with our DS (49) yesterday. He thinks nearly all the younger generation that he comes across at work have some sort of issue, it’s the way it seems to be nowadays.

Am sure it’s in some ways connected with how their whole lives are built around their phones and devices, they don’t go out and mix properly.

It’s all so strange.

My eldest gd has just been going through the assessment process for Autism, we know the date for the next assessment and should get the results through around d 4-5 weeks after that. Her brother (6) is on the waiting list for assessment as well. They have gone through Right to Choose via their GP and chosen an assessment centre with around a 10-12 month waiting list against the NHS CDC one which is 2-3 years!
Right to choose is free and paid for by the NHS but is done by private centres.
Autistic people are often overloaded by their senses and some situations which can lead to melt downs etc, and with girls, especially, they can mask when at school/work and then “fall apart” when in their safe space or with their safe people. It is very tiring for everyone involved. There is support out there, but can be hard to access or find out about. In my local area, West Sussex, there is a charity called Reaching Families who support families where there are ‘disabled’ children and who run support groups and courses for the parents. As a pp said google the Local Offer for your gd’s area to find out what there is. It is a website giving links and information for support to anybody affected by any type of disability.

There was one particular person in my primary school class, who we now believe was on the autism spectrum. If she struggled with work or if the class was loud she would tip over her desk and start shrieking. She was removed from school and we never knew what happened to her. This was in the mid 1960s

The first thing you need to do is to protect the younger two. A lot for the door to their room is one thing. The younger two also need to get their own room so they have time for privacy. Secondly regardless of whether she has autism or not she needs boundaries.

I totally agree Bestgrammaever.

Try looking following the link to see if there is something in the area where the family can get help. It is hard work being parents of an autistic child but there are often voluntary groups where support can be given.
www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

I do wonder if our lack of awareness of children with disabilities in our schooldays (I am 70) is partly due to the fact that they were not in mainstream schools but in special schools. Mainstream is good for raising awareness and understanding amongst other children providing the right support is given to meet any extra needs, unfortunately that is not always the case

I assume this is the same Granddaughter who had suicidal thoughts and was viewing a lot of inappropriate stuff on line?
Are you in the uk?

BlueBelle

Where has this all come from I know people weren’t diagnosed in our school days but I don’t remember one child in my class who displayed any problems like these and please don’t get me wrong I have relatives I love on the spectrum so fully believe that it is part of our lives It is not made up or over diagnosed but I truly don’t think it was around in my school days My children are all in their50 s I don’t remember any major problems or any of them coming back from school with stories of difficulties in class or disruption apart from the odd (mild by comparison) joker

I do hope you can get help I know the NHS waiting lists are horrendous and it’s hard to know if all three children have various problems or if one is disrupting the lives of everyone
Very very difficult for you all and fir them I do hope you can get the help you need

I wonder if other countries have the same sort of numbers as we do and if so how they deal with it

My children are all in their50 s I don’t remember any major problems or any of them coming back from school with stories of difficulties in class or disruption apart from the odd (mild by comparison) joker

It certainly seems to be on the increase

However, years ago, when my DC, now 40s and 50s, were at school, the school had a Unit for those pupils with dyslexia, mild autism and other difficulties where they needed more help.
Other pupils who were less able had a separate school and boys who were 'maladjusted' went to another separate school.
All closed now and children with all kinds of difficulties have to take their chances in normal school perhaps with the help of a TA.

Whichever system was best, I couldn't say.

Momac55

I do wonder if our lack of awareness of children with disabilities in our schooldays (I am 70) is partly due to the fact that they were not in mainstream schools but in special schools. Mainstream is good for raising awareness and understanding amongst other children providing the right support is given to meet any extra needs, unfortunately that is not always the case

It’s not just the other children who should be made aware. There is still far too many teachers who refuse to acknowledge neurodiverse traits in some children.
We had my grandson privately diagnosed for sensory processing disorder. Then we had to explain it to his teacher and the SENS teacher.
The SENS lady looked at us as if we were speaking Urdu and his form teacher had the bloody cheek to roll her eyes 🤬

My son now aged 45 went through most of his school education with undiagnosed autism. In the 80s high functioning autism (or Asperger’s, the label he was given at 15) was only just emerging as a diagnosis. We were told high functioning autism was extremely rare but of course it isn’t rare at all. Looking back it’s obvious to me that there were many undiagnosed children in his school - some like him were struggling or written off by teachers. I don’t believe it’s over diagnosed or a new phenomenon at all - I can trace it back in both mine and DHs family (and now in our GC)
Many children years ago would have gone to ‘special’ schools but the drive in recent years has been for children with additional needs to be educated in mainstream schools.

Some children on the spectrum may go undiagnosed as they can cope easily in an education setting, although they may struggle with other aspects of their lives which may not become obvious until they are much older.

As other posters have said the National autistic society will be able to give your daughter details of local support groups. These groups are very useful as not only can you unload your feelings, other parents can give you practical help by sharing their experiences along this very difficult path.

I’m very close to a younger friend whose youngest son is autistic. He has serious behavioural problems and was non verbal until 5 years ago.
Me and my friend often discuss what’s going on Re the increase.
We are constantly pondering this as her son’s school ( wonderful 🥰 ) has had to considerably expand into another building to accommodate the increase.