Bus embarrassment

RosieandherMaw

Incidentally, how old ARE you OP?
I'm 77 and it's only in the last couple of years I have regularly been offered a seat on the Tube or a bus. Given London pavements it's a huge relief!

I am 69, but I have had grey hair since my forties and it is now white.

Bit of a contrast to those people who simply have to have a seat for their shopping bags isn’t it? Or the people who sit in the centre of two seat with one knee resting on the seat. Or they sit in the aisle seat leaving the window seat vacant, and are oblivious to anyone standing in the aisle.
I was on the bus recently and was followed on by another woman who decided it was ok to place her handbag on the floor in the aisle and wouldn’t move it……..people had to stride over it! There really is no accounting for ignorance, inconsideration and stupidity is there?!

PamelaJ1

If someone offers me a seat I take it, they have demonstrated that they are caring and polite and their reward is that I should accept gracefully.
I always feel good if someone accepts a kind gesture that I might make and presume others do too.
Lizzies you had an unfortunate experience!!

Me too, especially if it is a young person to encourage them to do it again. I also am quite happy asking people to move bags off seats so I can sit down. I still get up to give others my seat if necessary

I will always accept if offered. I don’t look disabled but have a spinal problem which means it’s very difficult for me to stand (and in pain) for more than a few minutes. For this reason I only use public transport at quieter times. I’m effusive in my thanks especially to young people , they should be encouraged to show their good manners

sounds like musical chairs!

I was brought to be considerate to others in any circumstances I brought my DS and DD up exactly the same way.
On a very long cramped train journey to Cardiff I was offered a seat by a young man I was very grateful.
It’s nice to know that some people are still brought up to be kind to others in a lot of ways it’s a rare thing now.

Used to be males would offer a seat to any standing female and both would offer to an older person. Didn't have to be someone classed as pension age, just older. A lot of the old etiquette has gone. Females rebuke a male holding a door open nowadays. I've heard one say "do you think I'm helpless" to a male and grabbed the door. Anyone offering me a seat woukd be thanked and I'd accept their very courteous offer.

I was 37 when I was pregnant with my only son. I worked in W.1 and used to run for the train. Nobody offered me a seat. Thankfully I started my own business at home and gave up commuting. Since then, after some years living abroad, I returned to London and in my sixties was often offered a seat especially on buses. I thanked them and took it. Now I’m in my 70’s and really appreciate kind people.

I was 28 once and overate and someone in my country offered me a seat, thinking am pregnant ( I have one of these stomachs which look very large if I don't manage my stomach muscles and forget about that)

I do get what you mean. I lift my husband's disability scooter in and out of the car. A couple of times young men have come over while I'm folding it and offered to do it. I sort of feel like I must look like some struggling 70 year old but I do it all the time but I smile and thank them because I know they are doing it from kindness.

jocork

I took my grandson on a bus ride when he was under 4. When more people got on I tried to get him to sit on my lap so someone else could sit down but he was very reluctant. He hadn't been on a bus much as the family go out by car or on foot most of the time so didn't understand the etiquette. I didn't want him to kick off, and the person standing insisted he was ok, but I realise he needs it explaining next time. Fortunately the bus was pretty empty on the way home so no issues.
When I commuted into Loondon back in 1976 I was shocked that a young man remained seated while a pregnant woman was standing! I gave her my seat - very necessary in that hot Summer! He continued to look away! I was young then so not a problem for me but I did think he was very rude!

Why would he be more obligated to give her a seat that a presumably healthy young woman? That seems very sexist but well done on giving her your seat.

Seapebble

Skydancer and others:
I agree - even when I don't "need" it, I accept any seat from a young person. My son, when a teen, said it was embarrassing to be turned down. My mum always accepted a seat to encourage people in their kind efforts. If I'm getting off at the next stop I'll tell them and show that I'm very thankful if I decline. I'm still able to stand but whether we like it or not we are "old" to a young person.

If declining a seat (with thanks) I do usually add that I’m not going very far - which is true.

Incidentally, how old ARE you OP?
I'm 77 and it's only in the last couple of years I have regularly been offered a seat on the Tube or a bus. Given London pavements it's a huge relief!

I simply don't get the "embarrassment" of the thread title.
If somebody offers me a seat I feel flattered not demeaned and usually accept gracefully. People can be shy of making the gesture and I would only decline if I was eg getting off at the next stop (and would say so)
In the same way I would stand up for an expectant mum another old dear or anybody who seemed at all in need.

Skydancer and others:
I agree - even when I don't "need" it, I accept any seat from a young person. My son, when a teen, said it was embarrassing to be turned down. My mum always accepted a seat to encourage people in their kind efforts. If I'm getting off at the next stop I'll tell them and show that I'm very thankful if I decline. I'm still able to stand but whether we like it or not we are "old" to a young person.

I’m afraid O often get offered seats on the underground now and very grateful too .

If someone offers me a seat I take it, they have demonstrated that they are caring and polite and their reward is that I should accept gracefully.
I always feel good if someone accepts a kind gesture that I might make and presume others do too.
Lizzies you had an unfortunate experience!!

When I was in my thirties I was on a crowded tube train in London, two lads were sitting down chatting in Italian. I melt when I hear Italian spoken, it's such a beautiful language, and I must have been staring at them because one of themstood and offered me a seat. I was so embarrassed, I apologised and said no thank you and that I was just listening to them speaking. They were a bit taken aback so I had to apologise again and explain that I had no idea what they were saying.

LizzieDrip

Ah, I remember the first time I was offered a seat on the bus.

It was about 5 years ago. The bus was full of school / college youngsters so I was standing - no problem. A young lad stood up and offered me his seat. I simultaneously wanted to say ‘thank you’ and ‘no thank you’.

I accepted the seat with a smile as I didn’t want to appear to ‘snub’ the kind gesture of a young man … but it did make me think that, in his eyes, I must look old🙈

Age is relative, and if you are old enough to be his mum then you ARE old in his eyes, and his mum brought him up well:

1. One of my Rainbows suggested that my 16 year old young leader was older than my 54 years because she could not do the head over heels that I had just demo'd
2. Because my name is similar to head of infants at my local school (around 32), I (62) was asked if I was his wife .
3. Holding the door for the group of little ones going through, I was asked if I was having a baby (I guessed what perhaps her mum was, and I replied that I (70) was just fat)

So do not take it personally - it just proves that you look like a grown-up

Cabbie21

I have just come back from a train journey and at one point where we changed trains a smart woman aged about 40 offered to help me with my case. I declined politely but it did not embarrass me. I am glad to live in a society where help can still be offered freely.

It was a few years ago now, but I still think with gratitude of the lovely man who, without a word - carried my fairly heavy suitcase for me up a longish flight of steps at Vauxhall station. As I told him (with thanks!) I had come by train all the way from Dijon.

And I still had another train plus a bus journey to go.

I have just come back from a train journey and at one point where we changed trains a smart woman aged about 40 offered to help me with my case. I declined politely but it did not embarrass me. I am glad to live in a society where help can still be offered freely.

Blossoming

I’ve been visibly disabled for years and really need to sit down on buses. Most people are kind and I am grateful for that. The only exception has been a man who put his shopping bag on the empty disabled seat, then tutted and muttered rude words under his breath when I asked him, politely, to move it.

Just commiserate with him being Dyslexic, in a very loud voice.

I think you are being a bit touchy abd over sensitive. I think the young person is to be applauded.

I don’t see why you should be embarrassed. I can’t say I exactly relish having bus seats offered to me - it’s happening rather more now at my great age - 76😱! - but thank goodness I’m very far from decrepit, so I usually just say - nicely! - ‘Thank you, but I’m fine,’ and hope they might offer it to someone who really needs it - I hope I don’t look as if I do (apart from obviously being no longer a spring chicken).

Should add that most bus journeys I take - a lot - will take less than about 15 minutes, so no big deal - for me - to stand.

I'm always grateful to be offered a seat, I just think to myself how nice that there are still some polite/respectful people in the world contrary to what we so often read in the papers. Strangely I have found that on the tube in London the people who offer a seat are usually foreigners.