Funerals - each one is different now

Slightly different topic, but reading these posts made me think about cremation and the ashes.
I can understand visiting a grave and perhaps leaving flowers,,but I cannot understand why anyone would want a container at home holding the ashes of a loved one.

And an afterthought is that there is no way of being absolutely sure that the ashes are who they say they are. I guess there must be quite a number of mistaken remains in the wrong place.

baggs

Re Direct Cremations.

I’ve posted before on this subject, so apologies if I am repeating myself.

If a DC is what others want, up to them entirely.

Personally, after over 50 years of marriage, I would feel I was letting my DH down if I didn’t attend his funeral/cremation.

The thought of him going alone on his final journey would upset me. (And of course, I realise he wouldn’t know anyway).

It wouldn’t need to be a huge, bangs and whistles event, but I would want to be there for a final goodbye.

And I am sure DH would feel the same about me.

rowyn

A valid point about ashes.

But perhaps a case of ‘where ignorance is bliss….’

Some people like to keep a loved one's ashes near, or even on display. Others scatter them in a favourite location. It's entirely up to them. I have absolutely no idea where my parents' ashes ended up - scattered in the garden of remembrance at the crematorium is my best guess. My OH scattered his mum's ashes in our garden and plans to do the same with his dad's when we get them.

The trend seems to be more of a celebration of the life of someone rather than a somber occasion. When we lost our mum we were told that no music was inappropriate. Society is moving towards a more secular society rather than a religious society. A lot more younger people don’t want or necessarily believe in religion.There seems to be a more noticeable trend towards pure cremations rather than traditional religious practices as. Well

My husband passed away 3 yrs ago. We had talked about our funerals and agreed on Direct Cremation followed at some point by a Celebration of his life.

He passed 3 months prior to a special birthday, that he had wanted to celebrate with a party.
So a party he would have. Over hearing the family conversation our 7 yr old Grandaughter asked if Pops was having a birthday cake..the children loved him dearly, so yes, why not have a cake..
It turned out to be a lovely little 'do' with over 40 friends and family. Husband's favorite food, sausage and chips were delivered.
I'd had lots of photographs of him printed and laminated, scattered on the tables. Guests could take away if they chose.
They created lots of conversation, reminiscing etc.
Our Grandson with the great grandchildren read a eulogy I'd prepared suggesting they could add anything they wanted.

It was declared a wonderful evening full of love. Every one said he would have loved the way we celebrated his life and felt he was there with us.
I've now paid for my own Direct Cremation. What happens after is up to the family.
Just another take on funerals.

Both my parents died when I was young and I wasn’t able to cope with the funerals. However, after seeing how upset my children were at my DMiL funeral I decided I don’t want a funeral but a direct cremation.

My nephew’s MiL died recently and she had paid for a direct cremation as she didn’t want her family going through the trauma of a funeral, on the day of the cremation we were asked to light a candle. The family have arranged a celebration of her life to take place in few weeks time, which seems really appropriate.

BlueBelle

I’m having a completely no fuss cremation through the co-op (got my co-op stamps too ever practical ) Two children and 5 grandchildren overseas it would all fall on my one child and two grandkids living here so I want to save all that stress I m putting away a thousand pound for any tea party trip out or whatever they want to do afterwards
All my extended family already gone no cousins or even seconds left etc and who knows which of my friends will survive me could be none….absolutely nothing worse than a funeral with half a dozen people dotted around and a person whose never met me saying how wonderful I was !

It’s not about me I ll be gone it’s about them and making it as pain free and comfortable and uneventful as I can
Hopefully they ll all have kind memories of me

I would have been very upset if my parents had done this. It is only after someone as died thaat the living know how they want to remember that person. The funeral, as they would have it is an important part of their grieving process

To know that their parent had tidied themselves away without any thought about how their children might feel after the event, strikes me as very selfish.

I have told my children to treat me after death as they feel they need. It may mean disaptching me to an industrial crematorium with out ceremony or a full requiem mass with a horsedrawn hearse with plumes on the horses heads. It is up to them, they know best what they would want.

My request to my sons is that I have immediate family only.

Similar here but many we have been to are now held in chapels at one of the local crematoria.

Some have been secular, other services taken by a local vicar. All have been respectful and fitting for the person.

One or two have been Catholic funerals with a Mass too.

Sometimes there is no service at all which I find strange.

When my mum died my brother - an unbbeliever -did all the planning with the funeral director, but I planned the church service, chose all the hymns and provided music for leaving the church and the crematorium. The church service, hymns and readings were important to me. As we left the crematorium my brother simply said to me "Good choice!"
I've been to funerals where the deceased was not a believer and where there is no spiritual content but I understand the reasons for that even though it would not be my choice. My mum's vicar read the eulogy which we wrote together as I knew I'd be too emotional.
One of the most memorable funerals I attended was for a former church worker, not a vicar as she retired before women could be ordained, but otherwise probably would have been. She had no family and didn't want anyone to have to deal with planning her funeral so she not only planned everything but recorded a sermon to be played in the service. It was strange hearing her voice after her death, but it took all the pressure off the people who would otherwise had to do everything.

ViceVersa

Some people like to keep a loved one's ashes near, or even on display. Others scatter them in a favourite location. It's entirely up to them. I have absolutely no idea where my parents' ashes ended up - scattered in the garden of remembrance at the crematorium is my best guess. My OH scattered his mum's ashes in our garden and plans to do the same with his dad's when we get them.

Since my dad died in the summer we were told that his ashes, which we did not want to have, would have been scattered in the 'summer garden'. Although mumdied in thewinter, we asked for her ashes to be scattered in the ''summer garden too.

DH, DS, DD? Can someone explain these please? Thank you.

ScottishGranny3

DH, DS, DD? Can someone explain these please? Thank you.

It means 'darling husband', 'darling son', 'darling daughter' - or some people mean 'dear husband' etc.

as far as funeral's are concerned, it's each to their own...

theworriedwell

A friend was terminally ill, he wanted no religious ceremony and in fact no ceremony, not unusual now but years ago it was. DH asked him to let DH say something so people attending the funeral would have some sort of service.

When it was all over the funeral director approached DH and asked if he could recommend him to people who wanted a non religious service. My husband wasn't interested but it did make me wonder who these celebrants are and does anybody oversees what they offer/charge etc. The funeral director did quote a figure to DH but I can't remember what it was.

My brother is a celebrant. He attended a course run by the UK Society of Celebrants,received a diploma, and is registered with them, though I don’t think they regulate any aspect of his work. His jobs usually come from funeral directors, so he relies on getting good feedback from clients. His fee is around £200, and he meets with the family at least once beforehand, and arranges the service as the family wants ( within reason!).

Wizened - what a wonderful idea !
Very fitting way to be remembered!

ViceVersa

ScottishGranny3

DH, DS, DD? Can someone explain these please? Thank you.

It means 'darling husband', 'darling son', 'darling daughter' - or some people mean 'dear husband' etc.

Or even Dratted on occasion.

My Auntie and Uncle's funerals were different. A video link to friends abroad with contribution from one of them, poetry, favourite records played.
DH and I have opted for cremation only, no service, no wake. Hopefully a long time till then.

I discussed direct cremation with both of my children, they were horrified, so we’ve paid for two funerals.

DD saw a programme recently about how these direct cremations work. It was all very industrial and she said the crematorium looked more like an industrial site than anything. If I can get more details I will post them.

M0nica

DD saw a programme recently about how these direct cremations work. It was all very industrial and she said the crematorium looked more like an industrial site than anything. If I can get more details I will post them.

Yes, we watched it, but to be honest, I'm not sure how anyone expects them to work. That's the whole point - it's all done quickly, efficiently and without any ceremony and therefore cheaper. Certainly hasn't put us off.
Although, I'd actually prefer resomation - but it's not available in the UK yet.

Viceversa I think I read that the co op funeral service were starting to offer it. Or maybe it was they were planning to. Might be worth asking if it's important you.

theworriedwell

Viceversa I think I read that the co op funeral service were starting to offer it. Or maybe it was they were planning to. Might be worth asking if it's important you.

As far as I understand it, the Co-op would like to offer the service, but it hasn't yet been approved for use in the UK. It's a very environmentally friendly option.