Is it better to be respected or liked? Why?

I thought the exams had finished now until the new academic year.

Liked firstly, respect can come and go depending on situations.

And, what do you intend to do with this information?

I have reported this to check it's real.

The late psychologist, Dorothy Rowe n her book, The Successful Self defined the respect/affection conundrum as a defintion of Introversion/Extroversion and to work out where you were on the spectrum she asked the following question:

If you are in a situation where you need to make a decision that will affect other people, where the right decision will make you unpopular with your colleagues and the wrong one will gain everyone's approval. Which decision is your instinctive reaction?

Now, this is a very rough ready definition and many other circumstances come into decsion making, but it is your instinctive first reaction, that she is looking at.

My first reaction is always to opt for the right decision and not compromise, which makes me an introvert and probably puts me in the 'respect' over liking corner - that decision pushed towards the respect side even more by the circumstances of my younger life.

DH, in comparison will always go for a group response, to stay within the group and have their support, which pushes him towards being an extrovert, again this response shaped by his life experience.

But as Dorothy Rowe points out people are scattered along the line from introversion and extroversion, not all are at the extremes. And, as she always says, people at both ends of the spectrum may make the same decision, but for different reasons.

One person may make a decision because they want the comfort of the group around them, the other person may make the same decision because having the group in their side could be advantagious when another decision comes up later, rather than them wanting the comfort of the group.

I doubt anyone is respect at all cost or group support at all costs. it will depend on the circumstances at the time.

I’m never think about being respected it sounds a bit austere, a bit Victorian, I suppose I would like to be respected though but not at the cost of not being liked.
When I shuffle off this mortal coil it would be nice to have been liked by those who knew me.

Well, ideally, I would like to be respected and liked.

There are times - for instance, when a person voices their opinion, that they will be neither respected nor liked. That is a really difficult one but I hope I would have the courage to stand against the crowd.

At the end of the day, you can't force people to like you. It is important, though, to understand that, in some circumstances, being liked should not take preference over doing or saying what one feels is right.

But, without bringing matters of principle into it, however worthy a person may be and their words and actions seen as deserving of respect, that does not necessarily make them likeable to everybody.

Apart from my family, I couldn't care less whether anyone likes or respects me.

As long as they like me enough to respect me I'm fine 😂

just looking at other peoples POV

I think everyone should be respectful of one another

Respect.

I typically don't like people I don't respect. Equally, I'm not a group person and don't care if people apart my family "like" me.

I think self-respect is essential to function in life. I would avoid doing anything that undermined my own sense of self respect.

As far as liking goes. My family are close and I have a small circle of friends, but beyond that I couldn't care less whether people like me or not. Not doing or saying anything I would be ashamed of is far more important.

Respected at work, liked amongst friends and family.

This sounds like a question for an essay.

To be honest I don’t care who respects or likes me as long as I know I’m a good person and I respect myself that’s good enough for me

What do all the ex-teachers on Gnet say? I was HoD ML in a big secondary school. If you couldn't command respect, you couldn't do your job.
Are repect and liking mutually exclusive? Now that I'm an elderly widow, I would still prefer respect, and hope to be liked also.

Romola

What do all the ex-teachers on Gnet say? I was HoD ML in a big secondary school. If you couldn't command respect, you couldn't do your job.
Are repect and liking mutually exclusive? Now that I'm an elderly widow, I would still prefer respect, and hope to be liked also.

No, they are not, but when push comes to shove, which would you prefer to be.

The problem is that respect and liking do not live in a vacuum. You are liked and respected for a reason and lots of us like people because they are fun to be with, a bit silly, even daft, but someone who is respected is respected because they are honest, good at their job, treat other people fairly, can be trusted. I hope I could be respcted and liked but, if I had to opt for only one. Respect would win hands down.

I am pretty sure that I've (nearly) always been respected. I've often been told that I'm reliable. It's been said of me that I'm a person who does what she says she will and always willing to help others. The first time it was said to me I was a tad shocked, cos I didn't think I did that much for anyone at all!

My DDs both respect me, often ask my advice on random things, that is important to me. I think they like me pretty much, as do their DHs too. But I am very short on friends, other than very casual ones. My "bestie" died two years ago and I miss her like mad, but I learnt that her family regarded others as being closer to her. In my later years a couple of "friends" I had had for many years stopped including me in things. One now has dementia so no point in asking her why, the other has become very distant with me. So I sometimes wish I hadn't always done the "right" thing, but the more popular one.

It does bother me now.

Madmeg

I am pretty sure that I've (nearly) always been respected. I've often been told that I'm reliable. It's been said of me that I'm a person who does what she says she will and always willing to help others. The first time it was said to me I was a tad shocked, cos I didn't think I did that much for anyone at all!

My DDs both respect me, often ask my advice on random things, that is important to me. I think they like me pretty much, as do their DHs too. But I am very short on friends, other than very casual ones. My "bestie" died two years ago and I miss her like mad, but I learnt that her family regarded others as being closer to her. In my later years a couple of "friends" I had had for many years stopped including me in things. One now has dementia so no point in asking her why, the other has become very distant with me. So I sometimes wish I hadn't always done the "right" thing, but the more popular one.

It does bother me now.

I do not think doing the popular thing would necessarily give you more friends, casual acquaintances possibly, but friends?

Friends are special are the attaraction of two minds. I do not have a lot of friends, but treasure those I do, though sadly, as with you, several have died over the last few years.

I can see no joy in a friendship based on one person pretending to be something they are not.

I'll go for self-respect first.

I like to think that I can "live with myself" and sleep with a clear conscience at night.

Nice to be liked too - obviously. But I'm cynically inclined to think the local "Ms Popularity" may not be the worlds most moral person. It's rare for someone to have both. My (very longstanding) best friend is someone who has a lot of integrity and believes strongly in self-respect and she is someone who is pretty well-liked too - and I try and take what leaves I can out of her book - but I understand someone of that calibre is pretty rare. She is less likely than me to be outspoken if she doesn't approve of someone's conduct - but I find it difficult to hide it if I can see someone steals or lies or pretends to have the same opinion as a nearby would-be Queen Bee type person.

Think I'd rather be respected as it seems an endorsement of my behaviour, whereas liked depends on a lot of things outside my control.
Some of the people I like I don't neccessarily approve of "but you can't help liking them".

Now I've come back to this, I think you have a point, valdavi. Respect is a behaviour we all have to learn before we recognise it in ourselves and in each other.

What do all the ex-teachers on Gnet say? I was HoD ML in a big secondary school. If you couldn't command respect, you couldn't do your job.
I'm sure you're probably right Romola.
My experience, however, is with much younger children who are completely different. We have to teach them to respect others, and in the main the children take the concept on board better if it comes from someone they like. If the young ones like you, (and I don't mean as a friend), you can encourage positive, courteous behaviour.

Think of all the highly respected pillars of the community and how many of them turned out to be utter b*******ds.
Think of all the likeable charming rogues.
Seems to me that only self respect is worth anything.

Oreo

Think of all the highly respected pillars of the community and how many of them turned out to be utter b*******ds.
Think of all the likeable charming rogues.
Seems to me that only self respect is worth anything.

Exactly