Entitled Parents on Public Transport

I am regularly offered a seat on crowded London tube trains. I decline the offer for short journeys on the grounds that it is easier to stand for a couple of stops than to struggle up from a seat!

There is a difficulty with priority seating on buses and trains, passengers often don’t realise they are sitting on a priority seat, they should be highlighted in a much more striking fashion than just a slightly different colour of seat or a notice above it that nobody reads. When I ask politely for someone to give up a priority seat for my disabled DH I do firstly ask if they need a priority seat and quite often they don’t and were unaware they are sitting on one. Have come across people who mutter and tut all the same when they have to give it up, but there are those who apologise and get up immediately.
There really is no point having priority seating if people don’t know about it.

It's never too late to acquire social skills.

I got on a busy bus just last week; no empty seats, standing room only, beside where I stood, a mother with small toddler occupying two. I made eye contact, smiled and asked "May I sit on this seat please". Withsome grimacing and eye-rolling she put the baby on her lap , I sat down and thanked her.

( I got a seat. She got a free lesson on courtesy and female assertiveness)

I've often been seated on a full bus, when a disabled person or pregnant woman /woman with baby got on . If no younger person offers their seat I get up and give them mine. Then I target the nearest younger person than me, M or F, look them in the eye and ask "May I sit down please" Nobody has ever refused.

White hair is a super-power.

I agree with you about some OAPs thinking they can say what they like and be as rude as they please just because they are old. Twas ever thus. However, l still think that we should all be considerate of each other, which includes looking out for those who are most in need of help and l do think that society has become more selfish since the sixties.

I have never hesitated to ask people for a seat or to move their bags. Only once did a woman with a bag on the seat beside her ignore me on the train. I removed it from the seat and dumped it on the table in front of her. She was not a happy bunny.

Not the same thing but I once had to take the middle seat on a plane (something I avoid like the plague) because two flights were amalgamated. Shoryly after takeoff the man beside me put his hand down between us and began to feel my thigh. I dug my elbow hard into his chest and shouted out "Get your filthy hand off me you pervert." He jumped out of his aisle seat which I then immediately occupied, and told him to find anothe sear as he was not sitting next to me. I pressed the alarm and one of the cabin crew came, just as I was berating him for being a filthy pervert. They found him a seat elsewhere. That was a flight he was not going to forget. I wonder how many women he had done that to who said nothing out of embarrassment.

Bus journeys are generally different to trains. On the train thread I quoted being on a train with an exhausted mum who'd mad a 12 hour train with a lively 3 year old. Did she deserve a seat for him? Yes I think she did. People were travelling short distances and occupying seats so healthy adult standing for 30 minutes versus harassed mother needing a seat for child on a twelve hour journey I vote for the 12 hour journey family.

Just an aside, when DH was young he was in Japan on leave, he said that if he got on a crowded bus he was regularly told to sit by old women who insisted on giving him their seats. He tried to refuse but they would have none of it.

Magenta8

Having born the brunt of senior citizen disapproval for many years I promised myself that when I got old I would not bang on about "Young people today".

I endure and have endured far more rude, selfish behaviour from pensioners over the years than I have from children and younger people. Some oldies think that their advanced years give them carte blanche to be as obnoxious as they like but everyone should kowtow to them.

I was a teenager in the 1960s and we were thought to be dreaded end. No previous generation in the history of the world had been as awful.

Unfortunately I have to agree with you. The only rudeness I e experienced on buses in donkeys years was from a woman who was probably in her 70s, like me. On our buses there a wheel chair space on one side of the bus and a pram space on the other side which is a bit smaller. I got on the bus behind a young man in a wheelchair and his carer, they went to the appropriate space, I went to the pram space with GC but it was partially blocked by this woman's shopping trolley. Fortunately GCs buggy has handle that can fold down so it can go in a smaller space. As I tried to get it into the space next to her large trolley she started shouting at me. I pointed out it was a pram space and she charmingly said she was fed up having to move for babies and people in wheelchairs. At this point other people told her she was in the wrong but she insisted it wasn't fair.

The young man in the wheelchair was very disabled, I'd been swimming with GC and id seen him being hoisted into the pool.

I've never experienced such nastiness from a young person.

friendlygingercat

I have never hesitated to ask people for a seat or to move their bags. Only once did a woman with a bag on the seat beside her ignore me on the train. I removed it from the seat and dumped it on the table in front of her. She was not a happy bunny.

Not the same thing but I once had to take the middle seat on a plane (something I avoid like the plague) because two flights were amalgamated. Shoryly after takeoff the man beside me put his hand down between us and began to feel my thigh. I dug my elbow hard into his chest and shouted out "Get your filthy hand off me you pervert." He jumped out of his aisle seat which I then immediately occupied, and told him to find anothe sear as he was not sitting next to me. I pressed the alarm and one of the cabin crew came, just as I was berating him for being a filthy pervert. They found him a seat elsewhere. That was a flight he was not going to forget. I wonder how many women he had done that to who said nothing out of embarrassment.

Well done to you. I’m quite certain I too have asked people to move things as I’ve wanted to sit on numerous occasions and never been afraid to ask. I really only want to sit facing forwards on longer journeys so probably quite frequently on trains.
As for the pervert on the plane WOW! I’d love to think I could have but not sure I would have been brave enough. I think back to my younger days in London and the amount of flashers and similar that I seemed to attract bleurgh…..

I've only needed to ask someone to move a bag once. I asked him if he'd move his bag so I could sit down. He declined. I said I didn't know if he needed a priority seat more than a 72 year old woman with arthritis but I was certain his bag didn't. He moved his bag.

Don't get me started on what people put on train and tube seats often in the rush hour. I commuted into London by train and tube for over thirty five years. Numerous occasions of people putting their bags on empty seats when people were standing. The one that took the biscuit was a woman who'd clearly been to an office celebration "do" and had put her bouquet of flowers on an empty seat.
I always speak up and ask people to move stuff if necessary.
I haven't used busses much but, the last time I did , an elderley woman had blocked use of the outside seat of a pair of adjacent seats by sticking her suitcase in front of the empty seat. I've seen that a lot on trains as well.
It's not always the young'uns.
Strewth........

I’ve often wondered what would happen if someone refused to move their bag, coat, or bunch of flowers and the other person just sat down on top of them. Any Gransnetters willing to be a ‘mystery passenger’ and report back to us?

I was once on a bus when a very chirpy lady in her 90s got on. The bus was full and a young man was sitting next to her on his phone. She said to him, 'Hello, darling! Mind if I sit on her lap?' He jumped up and let her sit there without further a do. Actually, they had a lovely chat till they got to her stop.

GoodAfternoonTea

I was once on a bus when a very chirpy lady in her 90s got on. The bus was full and a young man was sitting next to her on his phone. She said to him, 'Hello, darling! Mind if I sit on her lap?' He jumped up and let her sit there without further a do. Actually, they had a lovely chat till they got to her stop.

I always find young men on public transport are the most likely to be helpful and young women the least. Not all of course like the young man who didn't want to move his bag from a priority seat. I always think they must love their grannies.

What gets me here in London ( don’t know about elsewhere) are those who sit in the outside seat leaving the window seat empty. They then grudgingly move their knees a bit to allow you to struggle past them to sit down. People always used to automatically sit in the window seat first but not any more!

Agree!

I have a problem with young people who sprawl over two seats on busy buses with their bags, or sir in an aisle seat with a space inside. I do ALWAYS ask them to move to let me have a seat. If I have my grandchildren with me it is often easier to get them to sit down rather than me as they tend to fall over, particularly the youngest one. There are a lot of obese people on buses round here and they do take up a lot of room.

Speaking as a person with non-visual disabilities, I once boarded a bus, the priority/disabled seats were available and so I sat there. A female sitting in the next seat said to me, you can’t sit there, that is a disabled seat - I responded with yes- exactly. No response was forthcoming although I did get a rude stare. I use buses rarely but have generally found that people will give up seats for obviously disabled or old people however in my circumstances I do seem to get quite some grief when I utilise the disabled seats. Although I could wear a lanyard, I do not want to advertise that I have problems.

Eil4

What gets me here in London ( don’t know about elsewhere) are those who sit in the outside seat leaving the window seat empty. They then grudgingly move their knees a bit to allow you to struggle past them to sit down. People always used to automatically sit in the window seat first but not any more!

The answer is to struggle in and then struggle out at your stop, it really annoys them. There is one older lady round here who tends to accidentally step on their feet both ways - not me I hasten to add, though it’s tempting!

It is known as “Entitlement “

Well obviously people should be considerate on public transport, but what sort of mismanagement has led to such a shortage of seats on buses and trains? The cost of fares these days there is little excuse for the service to be so minimal. It's all the overcrowding and stress that is making people short tempered and inconsiderate in the first place. We're having to battle too much for a basic level of service we used to be able to take for granted.

I would always expect a small child to be placed on parents knees on crowded transport and I would also expect older children to stand to allow an adult to sit. This is how many of us were brought up. Sadly as others have said people in general seem to put their own comfort above anything else, how did we let this happen??? Difficult to believe reported comments on MN. Haven't been on the tube for 5 yrs or so but at that time the men who stood and offered me a seat were all foreigners. Says something doesn't it?

Eil4

What gets me here in London ( don’t know about elsewhere) are those who sit in the outside seat leaving the window seat empty. They then grudgingly move their knees a bit to allow you to struggle past them to sit down. People always used to automatically sit in the window seat first but not any more!

I think it might be because the seats are so close together. My son is 6'4" and he'd have his knees round his ears in a Window seat, sitting in the aisle seat means he has his legs in the aisle which isn't ideal.

V3ra

A couple of years ago I went to London and several times was offered a seat on the underground, a new experience, which I neither needed nor particularly wanted.
I accepted with a smile and a thank you though, because I didn't want to deter the people from offering another time to someone who might really benefit.
Did make me feel a bit old though 😂

I went to London last week and I was astonished at the way young people sprang forward to help me, offering an arm to get off the train, giving up a seat etc. These were men and women.

I was delighted and accepted even though I felt I didn't actually need any help! Many young people are decent and caring.

I have an invisible disability which means I get faint standing for more than a few minutes; sadly because its invisible, I get nasty looks from (mainly) older people who “assume” I am misusing priority seating. Its always worse if a clearly frail person gets on the bus or train and all the priority seats are taken, as the pressure to be the one to offer the seat is heavy! and I do not want to explain to a crowded carriage or bus why I cannot be the one to offer up my seat