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Pityfishing

(40 Posts)
Lathyrus3 Sun 21-Sept-25 09:47:26

This is a new word to me that’s come up in another thread (credit to mum2three )

I don’t know what the difference is between people genuinely in trouble and those who pityfish. Is it that one is looking for solutions and the other wants to hold on to the problem?

But then it led me to wonder what’s a good term for the other side of the coin?

People who love to dole out pity.

I have been in a position of receiving unwanted pity and very trying it is too😬

Whitewavemark2 Sun 21-Sept-25 09:51:23

I am the complete opposite.

Any trouble I am in - of any kind- I keep almost entirely to myself, unless I am in real need of help.

I am like that over medical, emotional, or financial (never happened so far) trouble.

Oreo Sun 21-Sept-25 09:56:48

There are those who love the pity, sympathy and attention of both friends and strangers and go large where they can.
There are those who love doling out the pity, sympathy and attention too, you’re right.
The middle way is to ask for help from others where you really need it, and for those who hand out the sympathy not to roll around in it.
I believe from what I have read on SM that it’s a perfect place to spin any old sob story for attention and some revel in it.
None of us like being taken for mugs so it’s a fine balance in replying to it.

Lathyrus3 Sun 21-Sept-25 10:02:39

I love the ā€œroll around in itā€šŸ˜¬

I’ve usually thought ā€œfeed off itā€ but I like roll around better.

Like a dog in a cow pat and just as noisome!

Perhaps because I like to lick my wounds in private like wwm2

Cabbie21 Sun 21-Sept-25 10:21:10

Another new word!
Catfishing, ghosting, gaslighting, sealioning, now pityfishing.
Not sure I understand half of them.

Cherrytree59 Sun 21-Sept-25 10:22:18

Like WW I try to keep problems to myself. I think that goes back to childhood days when we were told not to air your laundry in public.

I don't like sympathy, it make me feel uncomfortable .
Pity is even worse
I rarely offer sympathy either.
preferring to offer practical help .
I am proactive when comes to sorting personal issue.
One can show empathy and understanding without pity.

Oreo Sun 21-Sept-25 10:23:34

I think they enjoy ā€˜covering themselves in glory’ 😁* Lathyrus*

Ilovedogs22 Sun 21-Sept-25 10:50:50

Words often come to nothing, I've found & it's true, actions speak louder than words.
Yet I know I have been guilty of whining\moaning unnecessarily & offering insincere condolences & platitudes to people who are simply acquaintances. I'm shallow & sadly I know it! šŸ¤”

Allira Sun 21-Sept-25 10:55:18

Drains and radiators is an expression I heard on here.

Some people drain you of all your sympathy and energy, others radiate warmth and positivity.

Spinnaker Sun 21-Sept-25 11:01:45

Let's just stick with the good old fashioned term of attention seeker šŸ˜‚

Allsorts Sun 21-Sept-25 11:05:41

I quite like that term, drains and radiators. It is nice to just be yourself.

Magenta8 Sun 21-Sept-25 11:14:07

My term for one who likes to dole out pity is a pity monger or a foul weather friend.

I have known people who love to indulge in schadenfreude and only want to be friendly when you are down on your luck and who get jealous of any successes or good luck you may have.

Allsorts Sun 21-Sept-25 11:18:08

I know some one like that, never heard of schadenfreude, mom used to call them Job’s comforter but never knew what it meant,

Magenta8 Sun 21-Sept-25 11:26:53

I think schadenfreude is a German word that means taking delight in the misfortunes of others.

winterwhite Sun 21-Sept-25 12:02:26

I’ve never heard the expression and don’t really recognise the concept.
I always think that if another person is down on their luck the kindest thing is to appear to know nothing about it.
More common is what I think is called ambulance chasing - over-solicitous inquiries masked as Is there anything I can do, esp when of course there isn’t.

Blossoming Sun 21-Sept-25 12:27:33

Just living the life I’ve been given as best as I can šŸ˜Ž

nanna8 Sun 21-Sept-25 12:36:08

I have never heard the term before. I tend to keep quiet about problems and illnesses which is not always the best thing. I can’t stand the thought of people pitying me, yuck. There’s always someone worse off, as my mum and dad used to say. I have come across some who like to verbalise their problems, fair enough. We’re all different.

friendlygingercat Sun 21-Sept-25 12:40:21

Some of these "new" words are simply existing words shortened or adapted - presumably by people on chat forums who cannot spell or understand the original

Judgy - judgemental

Grabby - greedy

Spendy - expensive

Granmarderby10 Sun 21-Sept-25 12:55:44

Oooh not sure regarding ā€œgrabbyā€ friendlygingercat.
I used that to describe kids from healthy eating/sugar hating/tap water only homes that ā€œcame round to playā€ when mine were little and would devour all the *bad stuff on offer like there was no tomorrowšŸ˜

Granmarderby10 Sun 21-Sept-25 12:59:13

But otherwise agree and think that most of these shorthand descriptions are born of social media where things must be done quick.

lixy Sun 21-Sept-25 13:35:41

My family use the term ā€˜playing Lady Bountiful’ to describe someone who arrives dripping in sympathy, maybe gives out gifts (which may or may not be useful or appropriate) and then wafts away again.
It originated for us when a cousin arrived when our cooker had broken. She arrived with a large display bunch of hothouse flowers and stayed for ages listing the different salads we could make - it was November. We later heard from an aunt how pleased she was that said cousin had been able to help!

J52 Sun 21-Sept-25 14:56:42

Oreo

There are those who love the pity, sympathy and attention of both friends and strangers and go large where they can.
There are those who love doling out the pity, sympathy and attention too, you’re right.
The middle way is to ask for help from others where you really need it, and for those who hand out the sympathy not to roll around in it.
I believe from what I have read on SM that it’s a perfect place to spin any old sob story for attention and some revel in it.
None of us like being taken for mugs so it’s a fine balance in replying to it.

I agree with you and also keep my issues to myself. Sometimes I find it strange that those who illicit much sympathy from others, then later often are unkind to those who have helped them.

TwiceAsNice Sun 21-Sept-25 15:17:05

Not actually heard of this but some people love being in ā€œ victim modeā€ sometimes they don’t actually want to try and make their situation better being a victim gives them positive attention which they like . It can become a habit

Ilovedogs22 Sun 21-Sept-25 17:26:33

Blossoming

Just living the life I’ve been given as best as I can šŸ˜Ž

As we all should Blossoming. Yet it's easier said than done!
I think mental health\good health plays a big role in self-contentment & being happy. Plus, being content within one's own skin is essential. Plus, never comparing oneself with anyone else.😶

dogsmother Sun 21-Sept-25 19:15:32

I love term pityfishing. Never heard it before however most appropriate for some people and I find it a loathsome habit in some.