It started ok until, at my Pulmonary Exercise class, they started talking about "Goals" we had to set. "I want to be able to do this, by then", with my "husband/wife, family, friends."
As I have mentioned before, I am alone. I feel isolated. This just made me feel depressed. My only "goal" is to stay healthy enough not to end up in a home, sat blankly in front of a TV where I don't even control the remote.
I have lived for the past 30 years on what used to be a quiet, decent Housing Estate. Trouble was rare. Last year I got a new neighbour.
Walking home down my street I was accosted by my demon neighbour's son (now her lodger/carer). He was drunk, with several bottles of Vodka in his bag. He wanted to call round "for a chat". I said Sorry, my daughter is coming round. I declined his offer of Vodka.
When I got home, my daughter called me, suggesting a trip out on Sunday rather than the arranged visit but when I told her I was feeling down she set off on the 40 mile journey to my place. Then the drunk, neighbour's son turned up. His mother had been diagnosed with a fatal condition. He was afraid he would be homeless when she died as she refused to put him on the tenancy. (!). Oh, and could he borrow some money? He was inside the door (I don't have a peep hole or door chain) and I couldn't get rid of him. In the end I gave him a few pounds and he went.
My daughter arrived. The son kept coming back, more drunk every time, banging on the door, wanting to phone a friend. After three more "visits" my daughter allowed him to make the call on her phone and told him to wait in the road for his friend (drug dealer, judging by the nature of the phone conversation). He started accosting passers-by and walking in front of cars. He threw full flower pots at his mother's door and chucked bins around. Then he headed to my daughter's car and put his hefty boot into the passenger door, buckling it
That's when I dialled 999.
He went on a rampage around the estate, with a neighbour following and trying to calm him. His mother stood calmly in her front garden, exuding Vodka fumes, saying "Don't worry, he's fine, he's fine". The son finally returned to her house, in the front and out the back, where we lost track of him.
A solitary policeman turned up three hours later. The whole thing had been captured on another neighbour's Ring doorbell - installed because of previous incidents which only stopped when my demon neighbour's target killed himself.
There is now a Criminal Damage charge pending, when the police get round to finding him. After two days virtually locked in my house feeling physically and mentally exhaused I am now OK. All is quiet.
Strangely, what worries me most is that when he said his mother was dying (Leukemia), I just didn't care one way or the other.
If you are being harrassed (i.e. banging on the door) call the police every time - if they are not there in 10 minutes call back and say you are in fear for your life - that should trigger a blue light response.
My daughter could not get through on the "live chat". I had found an "anti-social behaviour" menu choice on the phone and had more luck as the ring-back came unexpectedly quickly.
I had a long talk with the HA lady and she sounded appalled. She is starting the tenancy agreement breech process. Someone will call me tomorrow afternoon. I hope it is not like the Police complaint, a very sympathetic hearing, but absolutely no action.
What are the outside walls made of? 🤔
Caleo, there are no bricks. The wall inside the door is that of the meter cupboard and is indeed just plasterboard. Indeed, the only bricks in this house are those making up the damp course!
I have rung the HA in what is supposed to be their "quieter time". I am number 30 in the queue and have reserved a ring back when they get to me.
I immediately rang my daughter to tell her. She is currently trying to contact them through their online "live chat". She was number 2 in the queue before she got cut off and had to start again. She is now number 2 again.
Aely, you are emotionally exhausted. This why you did not feel pity for some stranger dying of leukaemia. Make your nice house secure and then your emotional state will improve.
Aely
Thank you so much for your supportive messages. This house is ex council/HA. I bought it 12 years ago when left some money. When I had saved enough I had the flimsy front door replaced, with security in mind. I was offered a peephole but it would have been too high up (I am short). I had a security chain ready to fix, but was told it wouldn't work. There was nowhere to securely fix it inside. It would have been into plasterboard. My daughter suggested a Ring doorbell but as I do not use a Smart Phone, it wouldn't have been very useful, if I correctly understand it's way of operating.
Both myself and the (now deceased) near neighbour had harrassment complaints in with the police because of the Mother's behaviour. Apart from logging incidents nothing was done. I was told a month ago mine had been closed as I have no supportive electronic surveillance evidence. I bought a sound recording device, but it wasn't sensitive enough when I tried it. The other neighbour installed their Ring shortly before taking his own life and it did stop the dog poop dumping, a minor event. She even kept her voice down when harrassing me or him verbally after that as it was only a few feet away. (Very small terraced housing). I kept a log as suggested by the Police but they have never even asked to see it.
I tried to contact the HA to complain about their tenant but discovered they no longer had an email or telephone number listed. Only tenants or (prospectives from the Council housing list) could use their online contact services. A few years ago, when it was still possible, I did phone them about a completely different problem, but they made it quite clear that they weren't interested in non-tenants and later they removed email and phone contact. A phone number is now again given (the Council insisted) and I will try it. My bet is that it will be only for Tenants, but I will try. If I am right, I intend going to the Council Offices to see if a complaint can go through them.
Reassuringly, although the son has only been around for a couple of months, I don't think that, even drunk, it is in his nature to attack people, only inanimate objects, or he would have throttled his despicable mother before now!
My daughter has a quote for car repairs. To (attempt to) restore the car to it's pre-booted state will cost just over £1,000. Whatever we do, she will end up paying it. He has no job, no money and if she goes through her insurance they will take the money back in increased payments.
The fact that the Police took 3 hours to respond to an ongoing incident is unacceptable.
This town had a population of just over 65,000 in 2011 (latest statistics) and has increased rapidly since then. The Police station was demolished and we have two policemen with a room in the Council Offices, week days only, to cover the area.
I doubt he will ever be found and charged. He could well be next door again now, keeping his head down, but nobody has even knocked at her door to check.
My daughters keep pressuring me to up sticks, sell up and move nearer to one of them, but at 77 I don't fancy the disruption of leaving my home town or even the stress of moving at all. I can't afford to move back to the better part of this town. This tiny 2 up, 1 down terrace would fetch a staggering £300k+, but a better area would be twice that.
Aely , a locksmith can easily fix your security chain to the bricks which are under the plasterboard. Do you imagine your house is made of plasterboard!
You can instruct a joiner to place the peephole at any height you choose.
This is appalling, Aely
You are being dismissed and pushed from pillar to post.
Can you contact Citizens' Advice, they might be able to help you.
Perhaps moving nearer your DDs might be worth thinking about, could you apply for a retirement bungalow in their area?
Thank you so much for your supportive messages. This house is ex council/HA. I bought it 12 years ago when left some money. When I had saved enough I had the flimsy front door replaced, with security in mind. I was offered a peephole but it would have been too high up (I am short). I had a security chain ready to fix, but was told it wouldn't work. There was nowhere to securely fix it inside. It would have been into plasterboard. My daughter suggested a Ring doorbell but as I do not use a Smart Phone, it wouldn't have been very useful, if I correctly understand it's way of operating.
Both myself and the (now deceased) near neighbour had harrassment complaints in with the police because of the Mother's behaviour. Apart from logging incidents nothing was done. I was told a month ago mine had been closed as I have no supportive electronic surveillance evidence. I bought a sound recording device, but it wasn't sensitive enough when I tried it. The other neighbour installed their Ring shortly before taking his own life and it did stop the dog poop dumping, a minor event. She even kept her voice down when harrassing me or him verbally after that as it was only a few feet away. (Very small terraced housing). I kept a log as suggested by the Police but they have never even asked to see it.
I tried to contact the HA to complain about their tenant but discovered they no longer had an email or telephone number listed. Only tenants or (prospectives from the Council housing list) could use their online contact services. A few years ago, when it was still possible, I did phone them about a completely different problem, but they made it quite clear that they weren't interested in non-tenants and later they removed email and phone contact. A phone number is now again given (the Council insisted) and I will try it. My bet is that it will be only for Tenants, but I will try. If I am right, I intend going to the Council Offices to see if a complaint can go through them.
Reassuringly, although the son has only been around for a couple of months, I don't think that, even drunk, it is in his nature to attack people, only inanimate objects, or he would have throttled his despicable mother before now!
My daughter has a quote for car repairs. To (attempt to) restore the car to it's pre-booted state will cost just over £1,000. Whatever we do, she will end up paying it. He has no job, no money and if she goes through her insurance they will take the money back in increased payments.
The fact that the Police took 3 hours to respond to an ongoing incident is unacceptable.
This town had a population of just over 65,000 in 2011 (latest statistics) and has increased rapidly since then. The Police station was demolished and we have two policemen with a room in the Council Offices, week days only, to cover the area.
I doubt he will ever be found and charged. He could well be next door again now, keeping his head down, but nobody has even knocked at her door to check.
My daughters keep pressuring me to up sticks, sell up and move nearer to one of them, but at 77 I don't fancy the disruption of leaving my home town or even the stress of moving at all. I can't afford to move back to the better part of this town. This tiny 2 up, 1 down terrace would fetch a staggering £300k+, but a better area would be twice that.
Crossstitchfan
petra
Next time he knocks, open the door and be ready with a can of hairspray. Straight into his face.
If the scroat complains to the police tell them you were just doing your hair ready to go out 🤷♀️Love this, Petra!
I’ve got other ideas but I don’t think they would go down well.
It’s obvious that nobody but nobody is going to help this poor woman.
So you deal with or get someone else ( that’s the safest way) 😉
to do it for you.
Aely, an immediate practical action is for you to get a strong lock on your door, a surveillance camera, and at the very least get a tradesman in to put a chain on your door, and always use the chain when a stranger calls.
Secondly , never let people in to your house unless you know and trust them .
Thirdly, Cariad's advice should cheer you up.
You poor thing .
How horrible.
I agree with the others-don't give him any more money and keep a chain on the door .
But I wouldn't spray him with hairspray -you'll get arrested .
If your neighbours aren't happy with him -can you all get together and complain eabout him ?
Be careful and please don't end up like me .
For years , I was so frightened by my neighbour that I made massive detours with heavy shopping to avoid going past his house .
Your post has reminded me of 4 years of hell I had when a ' nice' young couple bought the terraced house next door. Horrible disrespectful young couple . It's history now as they moved on and I have a lovely neighbour once again . I so feel for you and hope you get support and help . My very best wishes
He's an abuser, a bully.
Bullies are rarely courageous under the surface. (some people here know that I was married to one, and my advice comes from direct knowledge).
As a woman alone particularly if it happens a lot you can ask to be on the SSD Safeguarded List, after which you should get a more immediate response)
MH is a reason but NEVER an excuse. I also agree with Oreo, Silverlining, and many more.
Yes, get your own camera.
Definitely keep a diary. And, if he should approach you again, or you just can hear the shouting
*get a simple sound recorder on your mobile and record everything.
Above all, get allies on the estate - you will feel less alone - tackle it together. Always always call the police.
I don't totally agree on the "never defend yourself" - police encourage women especially to carry round sprays in their bags.
I think what you should do about this is to ring police 111 and get specific advice
If they say yes you can use the spray in self defence then you have to go ahead, again is something you can discuss with "allies" as a policy.
It's important to report every incident however small, becuase they have a cumulative effect in terms of police intervention and prosecution and even sectioning him.
And I think you know this - never, ever, give any money to him again or lend him a phone.
Undoubtedly, he is known to police and to MH services
petra
Next time he knocks, open the door and be ready with a can of hairspray. Straight into his face.
If the scroat complains to the police tell them you were just doing your hair ready to go out 🤷♀️
Love this, Petra!
I'll add to that that I've noticed bad neighbours have a tendency to self-destruct after a while and move. I've also noticed one can usually figure out a pretty good idea of when they will do so. In his case - I'd guess it boils down either 1. When he does his head/general health in with the drugs he's taking and either has to rehab or he dies from overdosing/illness 2. When some young woman is daft enough to take him into her house as a partner for her.
Either way - he will be out of your hair at some point.
You need your own Ring doorbell or security cameras. I've got problem neighbours - but they have been a lot worse even in the past. Once they saw I had put up security cameras they backed off noticeably. I've seen two different ones of them confidently parading around outside (one of them about to trespass into my garden - yet again) and they both noticed my cameras pretty darn quickly and the most troublesome one (ie who trespassed every single day!!!!) noticed the second she went to walk into my garden trespassing again (clear from the fact her face went into a really ugly outraged expression the second she went to step forward into my garden) and she walked off and that very much stopped her doing so again.
People like this do not like a recording made of them getting up to all sorts.
Keep a diary. I had an A4 page a day diary that was basically there for writing down the combination of unreliable workman stuff that often happens in this area and what ways the neighbours were misbehaving. That way you have the record, eg 1.05pm Mr X from House Y said this/did that.
Good luck. I know just how upsetting it is to have bad neighbours mucking around. Don't EVER EVER let him past your front door again!
Scrote/ Scroat - from scrotum
Do not retaliate! He might well attack you. As others have said, phone the police every time and contact the council or the landlord. Keep a record of everything.
No, please don't do that!
That's going to go down as an Assault charge!!!
😱😱😱
No petra! What if in fury he lunges at her?
Best just to avoid. Don’t answer the door. Make sure back door is always locked too.
petra - I’ve never heard ‘scroat’ before. But strangely, it suits this nasty neighbour.😂
What a horrible day Aely. Quite unsettling. I hope you feel less wobbly today. Awful neighbours.
Next time he knocks, open the door and be ready with a can of hairspray. Straight into his face.
If the scroat complains to the police tell them you were just doing your hair ready to go out 🤷♀️
How awful for yourself and your neighbours and he caused criminal damage to your daughter’s car.
This shouldn’t be allowed to go on can you complain to the local council about anti social behaviour and please don’t answer the door to this man or engage with him in any way, if he keeps banging on the door ring the police.
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