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I had a horrible day on Friday

(83 Posts)
Aely Mon 29-Sept-25 14:08:01

It started ok until, at my Pulmonary Exercise class, they started talking about "Goals" we had to set. "I want to be able to do this, by then", with my "husband/wife, family, friends."

As I have mentioned before, I am alone. I feel isolated. This just made me feel depressed. My only "goal" is to stay healthy enough not to end up in a home, sat blankly in front of a TV where I don't even control the remote.

I have lived for the past 30 years on what used to be a quiet, decent Housing Estate. Trouble was rare. Last year I got a new neighbour.

Walking home down my street I was accosted by my demon neighbour's son (now her lodger/carer). He was drunk, with several bottles of Vodka in his bag. He wanted to call round "for a chat". I said Sorry, my daughter is coming round. I declined his offer of Vodka.

When I got home, my daughter called me, suggesting a trip out on Sunday rather than the arranged visit but when I told her I was feeling down she set off on the 40 mile journey to my place. Then the drunk, neighbour's son turned up. His mother had been diagnosed with a fatal condition. He was afraid he would be homeless when she died as she refused to put him on the tenancy. (!). Oh, and could he borrow some money? He was inside the door (I don't have a peep hole or door chain) and I couldn't get rid of him. In the end I gave him a few pounds and he went.

My daughter arrived. The son kept coming back, more drunk every time, banging on the door, wanting to phone a friend. After three more "visits" my daughter allowed him to make the call on her phone and told him to wait in the road for his friend (drug dealer, judging by the nature of the phone conversation). He started accosting passers-by and walking in front of cars. He threw full flower pots at his mother's door and chucked bins around. Then he headed to my daughter's car and put his hefty boot into the passenger door, buckling it

That's when I dialled 999.

He went on a rampage around the estate, with a neighbour following and trying to calm him. His mother stood calmly in her front garden, exuding Vodka fumes, saying "Don't worry, he's fine, he's fine". The son finally returned to her house, in the front and out the back, where we lost track of him.

A solitary policeman turned up three hours later. The whole thing had been captured on another neighbour's Ring doorbell - installed because of previous incidents which only stopped when my demon neighbour's target killed himself.

There is now a Criminal Damage charge pending, when the police get round to finding him. After two days virtually locked in my house feeling physically and mentally exhaused I am now OK. All is quiet.

Strangely, what worries me most is that when he said his mother was dying (Leukemia), I just didn't care one way or the other.

Oreo Mon 29-Sept-25 14:14:54

What a situation for you and your neighbours! Sounds as if the son has MH problems which of course is no comfort for you.
A Ring doorbell is a good idea for you and a strong chain on your door too.Will your daughter organise that if you aren’t able to?
Bad neighbours cause so much stress.🤬

silverlining48 Mon 29-Sept-25 14:20:08

That sounds a dreadful experience Aely. The police will be aware of him presumably, but don’t hesitate to call them if this happens again.
Get a safety chain for your door and dont let him in.

silverlining48 Mon 29-Sept-25 14:20:40

X posts Oreo.

silverlining48 Mon 29-Sept-25 14:22:53

If enough neighbours complain would the neighbours be moved?

Allira Mon 29-Sept-25 14:32:05

I agree with Oreo and silverlining.

Get a strong chain for the door, don't let him in and never give him any money. He'll just be back for more.

Have other neighbours' phone numbers handy so that you can alert them if he arrives causing trouble again.

If enough neighbours complain would the neighbours be moved?
Yes, if it's Council or HA property, I would have thought so.

Snowbelle Mon 29-Sept-25 17:24:15

Call the police each and every time he comes to your house so it is logged as antisocial behaviour and harassment. Contact the police and report any incidents anonymously by calling Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

Chocolatelovinggran Mon 29-Sept-25 18:29:08

That was a terrible experience, Aely.
I agree with Oreo and silverlining . Please secure your property, keep this horrible man away from your house, and ignore him if he approaches you in the street.
I wish you better days ahead.

Babs03 Mon 29-Sept-25 18:45:42

How awful for yourself and your neighbours and he caused criminal damage to your daughter’s car.
This shouldn’t be allowed to go on can you complain to the local council about anti social behaviour and please don’t answer the door to this man or engage with him in any way, if he keeps banging on the door ring the police.

petra Mon 29-Sept-25 19:26:14

Next time he knocks, open the door and be ready with a can of hairspray. Straight into his face.
If the scroat complains to the police tell them you were just doing your hair ready to go out 🤷‍♀️

FriedGreenTomatoes2 Mon 29-Sept-25 19:34:01

What a horrible day Aely. Quite unsettling. I hope you feel less wobbly today. Awful neighbours.

crazyH Mon 29-Sept-25 19:34:44

petra - I’ve never heard ‘scroat’ before. But strangely, it suits this nasty neighbour.😂

FriedGreenTomatoes2 Mon 29-Sept-25 19:35:33

No petra! What if in fury he lunges at her?
Best just to avoid. Don’t answer the door. Make sure back door is always locked too.

NotSpaghetti Mon 29-Sept-25 19:36:43

No, please don't do that!
That's going to go down as an Assault charge!!!
😱😱😱

Grandmabatty Mon 29-Sept-25 19:39:05

Do not retaliate! He might well attack you. As others have said, phone the police every time and contact the council or the landlord. Keep a record of everything.

NotSpaghetti Mon 29-Sept-25 19:39:11

Scrote/ Scroat - from scrotum

CariadAgain Mon 29-Sept-25 20:46:26

You need your own Ring doorbell or security cameras. I've got problem neighbours - but they have been a lot worse even in the past. Once they saw I had put up security cameras they backed off noticeably. I've seen two different ones of them confidently parading around outside (one of them about to trespass into my garden - yet again) and they both noticed my cameras pretty darn quickly and the most troublesome one (ie who trespassed every single day!!!!) noticed the second she went to walk into my garden trespassing again (clear from the fact her face went into a really ugly outraged expression the second she went to step forward into my garden) and she walked off and that very much stopped her doing so again.

People like this do not like a recording made of them getting up to all sorts.

Keep a diary. I had an A4 page a day diary that was basically there for writing down the combination of unreliable workman stuff that often happens in this area and what ways the neighbours were misbehaving. That way you have the record, eg 1.05pm Mr X from House Y said this/did that.

Good luck. I know just how upsetting it is to have bad neighbours mucking around. Don't EVER EVER let him past your front door again!

CariadAgain Mon 29-Sept-25 20:52:03

I'll add to that that I've noticed bad neighbours have a tendency to self-destruct after a while and move. I've also noticed one can usually figure out a pretty good idea of when they will do so. In his case - I'd guess it boils down either 1. When he does his head/general health in with the drugs he's taking and either has to rehab or he dies from overdosing/illness 2. When some young woman is daft enough to take him into her house as a partner for her.

Either way - he will be out of your hair at some point.

Crossstitchfan Mon 29-Sept-25 21:01:43

petra

Next time he knocks, open the door and be ready with a can of hairspray. Straight into his face.
If the scroat complains to the police tell them you were just doing your hair ready to go out 🤷‍♀️

Love this, Petra!

Wyllow3 Mon 29-Sept-25 21:13:43

MH is a reason but NEVER an excuse. I also agree with Oreo, Silverlining, and many more.
Yes, get your own camera.

Definitely keep a diary. And, if he should approach you again, or you just can hear the shouting

*get a simple sound recorder on your mobile and record everything.

Above all, get allies on the estate - you will feel less alone - tackle it together. Always always call the police.

I don't totally agree on the "never defend yourself" - police encourage women especially to carry round sprays in their bags.

I think what you should do about this is to ring police 111 and get specific advice

If they say yes you can use the spray in self defence then you have to go ahead, again is something you can discuss with "allies" as a policy.

It's important to report every incident however small, becuase they have a cumulative effect in terms of police intervention and prosecution and even sectioning him.

And I think you know this - never, ever, give any money to him again or lend him a phone.

Undoubtedly, he is known to police and to MH services

Wyllow3 Mon 29-Sept-25 21:18:05

He's an abuser, a bully.
Bullies are rarely courageous under the surface. (some people here know that I was married to one, and my advice comes from direct knowledge).

As a woman alone particularly if it happens a lot you can ask to be on the SSD Safeguarded List, after which you should get a more immediate response)

Toetoe Tue 30-Sept-25 09:32:43

Your post has reminded me of 4 years of hell I had when a ' nice' young couple bought the terraced house next door. Horrible disrespectful young couple . It's history now as they moved on and I have a lovely neighbour once again . I so feel for you and hope you get support and help . My very best wishes

Esmay Tue 30-Sept-25 11:45:51

You poor thing .
How horrible.
I agree with the others-don't give him any more money and keep a chain on the door .
But I wouldn't spray him with hairspray -you'll get arrested .
If your neighbours aren't happy with him -can you all get together and complain eabout him ?
Be careful and please don't end up like me .
For years , I was so frightened by my neighbour that I made massive detours with heavy shopping to avoid going past his house .

Caleo Tue 30-Sept-25 12:15:35

Aely, an immediate practical action is for you to get a strong lock on your door, a surveillance camera, and at the very least get a tradesman in to put a chain on your door, and always use the chain when a stranger calls.

Secondly , never let people in to your house unless you know and trust them .

Thirdly, Cariad's advice should cheer you up.

petra Tue 30-Sept-25 12:30:36

Crossstitchfan

petra

Next time he knocks, open the door and be ready with a can of hairspray. Straight into his face.
If the scroat complains to the police tell them you were just doing your hair ready to go out 🤷‍♀️

Love this, Petra!

I’ve got other ideas but I don’t think they would go down well.
It’s obvious that nobody but nobody is going to help this poor woman.
So you deal with or get someone else ( that’s the safest way) 😉
to do it for you.